I can't do this anymore

[Guest]

My story begins two years ago my brother was drunk at a party and my mother and I had to go pick him up it was around one am and everyone in the house was asleep we went to get him from the party and he asked for food so we drove to McDonald's and got him a meal I ate a few French fries which till this day still remind me of that night we rode home and my father who had been sleeping was now standing in the front porch talking to someone laughing and drunk my mother asked who he was talking to my father said he was just talking to my uncle but I wouldn't be here if that were true he had been having an affair...my mother started yelling and my other brother who was asleep woke up and asked what was going on my mother told him to call my oldest sister and tell her to come over 2 am and she arrived my parents told me to go in my room everyone was cursing at my father yelling and screaming I went in my room and my brother stayed with me playing board games with me until 6 am to keep me distracted that night while I was drifting off from sleep I saw my dad walk into my closet and take his clothing out the next morning he and his clothes were gone my mother had just had a miscarriage too so that night her and I went looking for my father but ended up crying late at night in my baby brothers grave that was only a stick with his name written on it my mother decided to give my father another chance he did the same thing both of my parents came to this country without papers and so my mother got hers but my father couldn't since they were now divorced the first few weeks I was okay but then the truth reality setonled in she was getting a job and so were my brothers she worked from 5 am sometimes until 11pm at night and I was always no am always so tired some. nights she would come home and not even make me food or pay attention to me she had my baby sister to take care of but I'm so young I don't know how to cook id spend hours without eating until I finally convinced her to make me meals all at this time I was diagnosed with anxiety by my therapist ...I hide my emotions a lot I can't talk to her she ...I don't want to talk to someone I barely know. My father who was living with his mistress tried hiding that they were married from me. It hurt so much does he think I'm stupid an idiot? I'm not...I'm not dad... A few months later I started developing a food eating disorder I was so scared that I was going to gain weight I starved myself the whole day until night time because by that time I couldn't take it anymore I was careful eating only a little and always working out and starving myself who would love someone over weight my father had already left I don't need anyone else leaving my grandmother who has always disliked me takes care of me in the mornings I dont spend mornings at my house and am often sleep deprived my mother just accepted another job...with my father lying to my face and staying with another woman to get his papers my mother barely caring about me and my siblings the only people who ever listened to me gone and all these thoughts in my head I cant take anymore I can't everyday its the same listen to my mother yell about what's wrong and talk about economy and how everything is NY fathers fault and my father lying and using someone going home to do so much homework so I get into a good college so I don't end up like this I spend most of my time in my closet in the dark looking at photos of what I used to have vacations every summer the coolest most expensive things sleep peace happiness and a family a whole family so so many memories I can't do this I dont want to hurt myself any longer I want to go leave this situation but I have no where to go no one to talk to

[ccsmod9]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
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Be safe, NRS