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  • Pressure

    Hi guys,
    at home there is a lot of pressure and stress put upon me and i dont quite know what to do.

    Here's some background: All through elementary school, I was one of the "gifted kids". I had all "A"s and got to go to special advanced classes. I was told that i was smarter than a lot of people and that i would go far. My parents set these really high expectations for me. Then, in 6th grade, I didn't qualify for advanced math. I was only two points away from qualifying, but for me it might as well as been the end of the world. That was the beginning of the end. The next year, I managed to get into advanced math, so I was taking pre-algebra in 8th grade, instead of 9th, like most kids in school. Mind you, I skipped an entire years worth of class because my parents forced me into higher level math. I struggled that entire year, and i failed several tests. Only thanks to my math teacher who let me make up almost all tests did i managed to get a B in that class. However, my parents saw it as me failing because in my house, anything less than an A is bad. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep because i had never failed anything before, not even homework, because it was such a crucial part of my life so when i didn't understand anything, I was too afraid to ask for help. I developed slight anxiety because i didn't want to ask questions in class and be seen as stupid. And then every time i failed a test, i almost wanted to leave home. I knew that when i got home, I would be given the "you're such a disappointment" look and would get grounded again.
    8th grade was a big leap from 7th grade, let me tell you. We had midterms and finals and it was in an entirely new school. I was also going to school an hour early to participate in Jazz Band (I play several instruments, but I played clarinet in band). I started math that year with high hopes; at the end of last year i had pulled myself together and gone through lots of tutoring to get a B in that class. The first two weeks went well. And then everything crashed down. I got a D on my first test, and through the rest of the year i averaged a C. I began to dread test days and going home and just checking my grades in general. And it wasn't just math that i was having trouble with. In the second semester i had to take science, and lets just say that didnt go very well either. In March of that year, my parents sent me back to kumon. Kumon is an asian tutoring program, except it doesnt help. You are given worksheets and you are not allowed to get help with them. Not to mention the fact that in kumon I was doing 5th grade work while in school i was in Algebra 1.
    9th grade- I'm currently in 9th grade. Geometry, to put it mildly, is kicking my ass. I finished geometry A last semester with a 69.7. I was in so much trouble, but what my parents just thought was me being lazy, was me being too tired to try and put forth my best effort because all of my energy was on kumon. I'm actually doing okay in geometry right now, I have a 95, but the pressure hasnt let up at all. Also, im still in Kumon, but i am doing algebra in Kumon, as opposed to Geometry, so at the moment its even less of a help.

    Anyway, my questions:
    I've been trying for months to get my parents to get me out of tutoring at kumon and they refuse to, any idea's as to how to convince them otherwise?
    How do i deal with the stress and anxiety that i'm getting from school? A therapist really isnt an option, we are low on money and i'm trying to make sure that my younger siblings don't have to lose afterschool activities for my therapy.
    Why do my parents have such high expectation for me?

    thanks for taking the time to read though this giant story^

  • #2
    Re :Pressure

    Thank you for contacting National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have a lot to do deal with and you are a strong person for having the courage to ask for help.

    It can be very overwhelming to feel like you have too much pressure on you regarding school. It seems as though you and your parents are at a disagreement of what is best for you and your education. Although we cannot control the actions of others, we can assist you with talking to your parents. There is a conference call service that we provide that would provide you and your parents the opportunity to express yourselves during a mediated call that would try to lead to a compromise that fits everyone’s needs. This can also be a way for you to get a better understanding of why your parents have high expectations for you. If that is something that interests you can call us at 1800-RUNAWAY.

    You mentioned that you are looking for ways to manage stress and anxiety from school. Stress and anxiety can be very difficult to navigate alone. It is great that you are searching for ways to better yourself. As you stated that a therapist is not an option, you can try your school counselor or a teacher you trust that can help find ways to cope with these feelings.

    Remember you can always call us at 1800-RUNAWAY to talk. We are open 24/7 and confidential.
    Best Wishes,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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