Running probably not an option. It's too long till I am 18, though. What should I do?

[Guest]

Hello. I am a 15 year-old in California, and am living in a household with a few issues. I am sorry if I seem dramatic or anything, that is by no means my intention here.

I have mild/severe generalized anxiety disorder, and take medication (I only was officially diagnosed last year, but since then my dad has threatened multiple times whenever I display any negative emotion to take me off both of these). These issues were largely contributed to by growing up in the household I have, but also are genetic.
My dad repeatedly calls me mentally/emotionally/empathetically stunted or retarded.
I am bullied at school, and generally have a difficult time interacting with people (and always have) but whenever I attempt to say anything to my parents
I am a closeted bisexual, and my dad has repeatedly made homophobic remarks and lectures in my direction that have honestly scared me.
My dad and mom constantly monitor my readings, writings, drawings, browsing and texts (thankfully, over the years I have gotten much sneakier), but it's always an awful feeling to wake up in a cold sweat to go through your laptop on the off-chance you may have left anything on it that could raise suspicion
My dad often shifts whatever happened in the past to better suit his arguments or narrative. Often calls me crazy too.
My dad attempts to completely control my appearance and that of my room.
My parents know of my future plans to become independent, and so make sure I do not purchase anything of my own for the purpose of them being able to take it away, even when I have legal rights
Whenever they find my hidden money, they force me to deposit it into an account run by my father that I am unable to access. I am unware if I will ever be able to access it independentlly in the future either, especially if they do not approve of who I am if I ever even do come out, or even just if I try and move out to get away


Here are my questions:

Can my parents retain my contacts/glasses they paid for if I try and become independent/run away/turn 18 and get away legally?
Can my parents withhold my prescription I try and become independent/run away/turn 18 and get away legally?
If I told my therapist about this, would she be allowed to tell my parents? Because I would likely be punished for considering running away.
If I did I try and become independent/run away/turn 18 and legally get away, how could I best support myself or get a college education?
If I am 18, and have my own computer purchase with my own money, can my parents go through it? (on a separate note what are some inexpensive computers I could use to access the internet and write/work?) If I am still on their internet, can they legally seize and search my devices?
What is the best way to cut ties with an emotionally abusive parent? What if you are financially dependent on them? What should I value more, my possibilities for the future or my self esteem and potential sanity?
What to do when dealing with gaslighting?

I would write more but am both tired and scared of getting caught. Will write more tomorrow.

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. No one deserves the emotional/psychological abuse that you are being subjected to.

You mentioned that along with the verbal abuse your dad has threatened you in the past. We care a lot about your safety here at NRS, if you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

We want you to know that it is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. Your bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. The LGBT National Hotline could be a resource that can be a source of great support. The hotline is run by those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can reach them by calling 1-8888-843-4564 or you can check out their website at gltbhotline.org.

It’s great that you have so many questions about your rights and are planning a future independent of issues that your home life brings. Due to the limits of what can be posted and the complexity of your questions and the replies for them, we suggest that you either call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on the top of our homepage so we can talk more in-depth. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS