Need to run away from my emotionally abusive home but too scared.

[Guest]

I probably sound like a totally whiny teenager. I’m sure of it. i am 15 in august. But my family is going to drive me to running away or killing myself. My dad recently moved here about 6 months ago. My grandparents have had custody of me for my entire life, about since I was 3. My dad is very abusive to me. Mentally. He has never laid a hand on me. However, he does drain all of my energy and calls me names and says horrible things to me. I’m a good kid. I do all my chores and help in any way I can. I am involved in every extracurricular event my school offers. I excel academically. But my dad, and my entire household of 8 people, are pushing me to a point. Whenever we get into a fight, he calls me names like a disappointment and lazy and a million other things. He accused me of stealing his pens that he found missing, and when I told him I had never seen his pens, which i hadn’t, he called me while I was at my band event, and yelled at me to the point where I was out of breath from crying. He didn't care. When I got home, he took all of my things. My phone and my laptop and such. He threatened to break everything I own. Just today when I asked him to pick me up from track practice at 4:30, he freaked out and left me at the school for taking a bit longer to get out to the car because I needed to speak to my coach about my events. He took my phone and went through all my text messages and threatened to call the police. He doesn’t allow me to go to my extracurricular events that I am required to go to occasionally, which gets me in trouble and effects my grades in school. He sometimes threatens to call the police on my boyfriend, who was the other person who cared about me for nearly two years. He is one of the only reasons I am sitting here today. At 4:30AM, he broke into my room and threw my stuff around searching for who knows what,and then took my door off and left. Before my dad came, it was my grandma, however she still emotionally abuses me when she can. She used to tell me I needed to lose weight (I weigh 120lb), so i stopped eating as much. I have a shrunken stomach due to this now. She used to tell me she disliked my hair or my appearance or would call names for wearing lipstick. She would come into my room and call me lazy and a million other names. I spent so many hours crying because of her. I borrowed her tweezers once, and I fell asleep without remembering to give them back to her, and she burst into my room, ripped the blankets off of me, smacked my legs. On my 13th birthday, she sent my friends home and attempted to come at me after I was sitting too close to my friend on the couch. I pushed her away that time, and she accused me of trying to attack her and threatened to divorce my grandfather when he tried to argue with her for coming at me. We got into an argument over who knows what a year or so ago and she swung her arm at me, and when I flinched and tried to block my face, she accused me of trying to hit her. My family is always constantly yelling and screaming and fighting. My dad is a felon and therefore doesn’t have custody of me. My mom lives somewhere else and was abusive and so I was taken out of her care. I don’t honestly know how much longer I can take, as they have already pushed me to the point of self harming in the past. What can I do....I want to run away from this horrible place so badly, but I’m scared of being caught and forced to go back home

[ccsmod0]

Hi, and thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and that you’re fearing the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services. Another resource that comes to mind is To Write Love On Her Arms (https://twloha.com/find-help/help-by-topic/self-injury/), a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.
You mentioned being harmed. We’re so sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. Any one being harmed has the right to report mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.
We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. It sounds like there may be some options to discuss regarding your dad since you mentioned he is a felon and doesn’t have custody. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
Best, NRS