Wanting to move out, but my parents won’t let me. Feel like sneaking out instead.

[Guest]

Hello everyone. I’ve been struggling with trying to move out from my over-controlling family. I guess I should say first of all I’m 22. I’m not sure how to start explaining, but a few years ago I did try to move out from California to Utah but my parents prevented me by doing things such as rearrange the things I packed and threatening to close my bank account. This time though, at least my parents kinda want me to move out because they want to get personal help for my mentally disabled brother and so they need more room in the house. At the same time though, I’m the only other person who knows how to take care of my brother, but me staying here in this house is making my parents frustrated to the point of yelling at me sometimes randomly for irrelevant things. They are only sort of okay with me moving to a place like San Diego, but living there is expensive and I’d need a roommate which is hard for me to find. My parents don’t want me to have a roommate though since it’s hard to trust someone to live with you... then this month I have a job opportunity to move to Japan. I’ve been studying for 2 years now and if I get the job they’ll offer to help me settle in and pay for the apartment. I indirectly tried to tell my parents this news by saying “I want to take the JLPT test in Los Angeles this summer” but they won’t let me go do it... I feel maybe one of the nicest options is to temporarily get an apartment in town and then move out after a few months, but it’d be a waste of money... So I have the dumb idea of just sneaking out the window one night to walk to the airport. I know they’ll try to contact the police though... I have no idea what to do.

[ccsmod16]

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out to us. We’re sorry to hear that your family has prevented you from being able to move out and be independent. It sounds like you are struggling to figure out the best strategy to take advantage of this opportunity in Japan, but you’re uncertain of the right approach. We will do our best to explore options that might be available to you.

We are not legal experts, but from what we understand, if you are considered a legal adult in your state (California), and your parents do not have legal guardianship of you, then there is no legal reason for them to be able to keep you at home. You mentioned being in California, and in California, the legal age of adulthood is 18 years of age. In your message, it is unclear how your parents would be able to close a bank account that belongs to you. If you share an account with them, it may be a good idea to open another account just in your name, so that any income you earn can be deposited in an account that only you control. Regarding taking the JLPT test in Los Angeles, the same premise would apply. If you are considered a legal adult, you are free to move out, take the JLPT, move to Japan, if you choose to, without your parents’ consent. If you feel that going against your parents may jeopardize where you live, it may help you to set aside some income to be able to support yourself if necessary.

It sounds like you have some concerns about going against your parents. If you are considered a legal adult, going against their wishes and dealing with whatever consequences may come of that is something you may want to consider before deciding your next steps. It can be challenging to go against your family, and it sounds like you’ve been struggling to achieve more independence for a few years now. If you need help finding alternative living arrangements, or if you have questions about resources in your community that may be able to help, please do not hesitate to reach out. We are available by phone 24/7 at 800.RUNAWAY (786.2929), and every day via chat at www.1800runaway.org . We’re here to listen, here to help. Stay safe!

-NRS