my mother is basically bullying me

[Guest]

this is hard to write about, so apologies if it seems absolutely jumbled. also pretty long.

i am 13y/o and in eighth grade, and i'm tired of my mother pushing me around, or for lack of a better term, basically bullying me. i have always struggled a bit in school, but her constant berating of me has only made it worse, which in turn has just made her get even angrier at me. i don't know how when it started thanks to my horrible memory. but it's getting out of control. i constantly have a 1-2 assignments that are weeks past due both because i don't fully understand them and because i have horrible time management. i end up forgetting about them, not on purpose, but when she finds out about these, she gets absolutely pissed. she'll yell at me for being lazy and for not being a member of our family. she threatens to hit me with whatever's near (not verbally, just straight up pretending to hit my head) and then she'll hit me somewhere where it won't hurt as much or cause any visible physical damage. she'll start **********ing at me for the smallest of things like not making my bed despite the fact that no one even goes in my bedroom all day. i have a horrible memory and trouble focusing, as well as a variety of mental problems that we've never gotten checked out because 1, i'm too damn scared to talk about it with her, 2, she "forgets", or 3, she just waves me off as wanting attention or flat-out lying. because of this, i cant even speak when this happens, or in any other stressful situations. i cry and go completely mute at the dumbest of things, which pisses her off even more. she'll yell so much i'm shocked our neighbors haven't come in the check on us. because of her incessant yelling my hearing has been wearing away, so i usually have to double check when someone says something. apparently this makes me incompetent. my social skills are close to nothing (i mean, i can talk to people, but it's not like people want to talk to me) because i'm so afraid that if i become friends with someone i'll mess something up and they'll hate me (which has actually happened! i love my fecking school.). i go to a private school that's only for "smart kids", which is probably why she gets so extremely pissed when i don't get something - apparently i have genius iq and i'm not allowed to mess anything up. she'll yell at me about why i don't ask for help, and i can't do anything but sit there and cry. the reason why i don't go in for help is because thanks to her i can't talk to people at all and i'd probably just go mute again. situations like that terrify me, so i avoid them, which ends up getting me in an even worse situation. but even when i do the work, like i've been trying to do for the past ~month, apparently it's now null and void because she still only talks about me messing up as a child and as a human being.

now i will admit, i'm not perfect. but what i will say is that maybe if i didn't have a psycho screaming at me 24/5 i might be just a little happier and more inclined to do things instead of "moping around feeling sorry for myself".

extra background: my parents are divorced. i see my dad on thursdays and fri-mon every other weekend. my dad is the sweetest guy in the world and i absolutely love him (even though he can be really annoying sometimes). is there any way i can move into my dad's house without bringing it up with my mom or her being suspicious? i am with him this weekend. i've tried to bring it up with him before (along with what mom does) but i'm too afraid of anything to talk with him about it. please give me some advice, any advice.

[ccsmod3]

Hi,

Thanks for reaching out to NRS today, we’re here to listen and to help. It sounds like you are in a really tough and stressful situation, especially if you’re feeling like your mother is bullying you.

From what you’ve shared, it definitely does not sound like you feel you’re getting the support one would expect to get from their parent. The yelling at you and berating you, instead of scaring you into not forgetting deadlines, is actually having the opposite effect: stressing you out and making things worse.

One thing we want to address right away: you mentioned that she threatens to hit you on the head but will then strike you on another area. Please know that this is NOT okay, for any reason, on any part of you. If you decide you want to report what’s happening to you, physically or verbally, you have that right; there is an organization called Child Help (National Child Abuse Hotline) staffed with specialists who can help you understand what’s involved in the reporting process and help you to report, if that is what you decide to do. Additionally, we at NRS can also help walk you through the process. If you feel an immediate threat to your safety, please don’t hesitate to call the local police – your safety is very important to us.

You mentioned how your mom’s treatment has affected you in your interactions with others, and not wanting to ask for help. It can definitely be hard to ask for help, especially with what you’ve described, but even reaching out to us here at NRS is a sign of how strong and brave you are.

It’s not easy to ask for help, especially if you’ve had bad experiences in the past, such as with former friends – but know that there is help available for you. It could be one teacher or guidance counselor at school, or even talking to someone on the Child Help hotline as discussed above. And it may be worth it to help you find a better option than your current situation. It’s very apparent from your post that you’re stressed and overwhelmed; there definitely is help to make your situation better, you shouldn’t have to be subjected to what you’re going through.

You mentioned that you think you need help learning and that you have memory issues – you may want to talk to your school personnel, guidance counselor or even the school nurse about the issues. It’s possible that one or more of your teachers has noticed issues. If there is one in particular you feel more comfortable around, you maybe could consider starting with just one person.

And of course there is also your dad – perhaps he is that one person you start with. It sounds like you have a really close relationship with your dad, and feel he’s supportive. Maybe there are different ways to start the conversation with one part of it – perhaps explaining that you’re feeling stressed by school or scared about your memory problems – and see how it goes from there. Or, you might consider writing out your concerns in a letter and giving it to him to read, if you feel you’ll have trouble talking one on one with him.

In terms of moving in with your Dad, it probably depends on the custody arrangement. We’re not legal experts, but you could try talking with your dad about it first, to find out what the arrangement is legally. You might also consider talking to a legal expert about your rights as a minor (you still have rights). We have a database of resources that we can connect you with if you reach out to us on chat or via the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

There are many options available to you – we can’t tell you what to do per se, each person’s situation is different – but we can help you explore your options in greater detail by chat or phone, to help you determine for yourself what your best option is that you would be comfortable with.

We hope this information has been helpful to you – it sounds like you’re in a tough spot, but please know that there are people who want to help. Please do not hesitate to contact us at 1-800-RUNAWAY, we’re open 24 hours /7 days a week. Good luck to you and we hope to hear from you soon.