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hi all ! I hope everyone is safe and well tonight
Please could you give me some advice on how to emotionally handle this situation? I am 20 currently living at home with parents and 16 y/o brother. I have a full time, well paid job and I pay my rent and do chores when the house when asked to. I live in a very nice house in a very nice area, presents and clothes wise , I am given everything needed, I’m not deprived of a decent bed and access to food , which is why I feel incredibly guilty for writing this when there are neglected children around the world right now.
when I was a lot younger, both parents ( my dad a little more ) were quite ‘hands on’ with their punishments; I am not talking about smacked bottoms because that’s normal when a kid has been badly behaved .
i remember my dad pressing the sides of my head with his fists on my temples really hard until I bruised, when he asked me about the bruises he spent a long time trying to convince me the bruises were from something I had done myself- and I believed it.
another time he pressed his fist on my lips until my teeth had cut the lip and caused it to bleed, not much of course but I was only still very young. He used to tower over me and practically growl with his fist clenched and I was convinced he was going to punch me.
My mum joins in sometimes , she slapped and punched my left arm so hard one time that it was red and purple for ages , and the school pulled me up about it so I had to lie.
In my teenage years, my dad would begin pointless arguments that included lies - obviously to get me to try and correct him - then he would threaten to get physical if I didn’t admit I was wrong. Both my mum and dad will lie in arguments or ‘telling offs’ to strengthen their story, making up silly lies to make me seem like a bad person. Maybe I am terrible, I don’t know.
I have always been a little overweight since about 15 years old. Which caused my parents to call me fat and ugly. They said they didn’t want to be seen in public with me, and the only reason I have friends is because me being stood next to them made them look skinny. I went on the treadmill one day in my garage, and I was walking slow and messing around on it , as a young teen who doesn’t want to run after school would lol . My dad watched me through the key hole, and burst in. He put on punching gloves and smacked the punching bag that hung next to the treadmill, he put the running speed on really fast and said he would punch me like that if I stopped running.
Now at the age of 20, I have really low self esteem, I always think everybody hates me because I’m fat, ugly and have a bad personality , as much as my friends tell me otherwise, my parents seem to confirm my worries.
when I have friends or my boyfriend over , my parents really try to put me down purposely in front of them, this includes revealing embarrassing details about me, or directly questioning my guest why they’re friends/ in a relationship with me because they ‘certainly wouldnt’. My dad comes in my bedroom sometimes and says I look 40 stone and why would my boyfriend ever think I was attractive. Followed by ‘are you going to the gym today’ or ‘get to the gym’ mid-conversation about a completely different topic.When I cry or show signs of upset, he calls me a crank and pathetic and that I will end up in a mental hospital.This paragraph tonight was inspired by my parents calling me a fat ugly slob because my Fitbit watch ( which I’ve had for 2 weeks) isn’t charging correctly.
my parents don’t seem to take much notice of me unless I do something wrong. I don’t really know how to take it , am I being dramatic and silly ? Is there any way I can eliminate my self loathing so I am more confident socially ?
Thank you
Please could you give me some advice on how to emotionally handle this situation? I am 20 currently living at home with parents and 16 y/o brother. I have a full time, well paid job and I pay my rent and do chores when the house when asked to. I live in a very nice house in a very nice area, presents and clothes wise , I am given everything needed, I’m not deprived of a decent bed and access to food , which is why I feel incredibly guilty for writing this when there are neglected children around the world right now.
when I was a lot younger, both parents ( my dad a little more ) were quite ‘hands on’ with their punishments; I am not talking about smacked bottoms because that’s normal when a kid has been badly behaved .
i remember my dad pressing the sides of my head with his fists on my temples really hard until I bruised, when he asked me about the bruises he spent a long time trying to convince me the bruises were from something I had done myself- and I believed it.
another time he pressed his fist on my lips until my teeth had cut the lip and caused it to bleed, not much of course but I was only still very young. He used to tower over me and practically growl with his fist clenched and I was convinced he was going to punch me.
My mum joins in sometimes , she slapped and punched my left arm so hard one time that it was red and purple for ages , and the school pulled me up about it so I had to lie.
In my teenage years, my dad would begin pointless arguments that included lies - obviously to get me to try and correct him - then he would threaten to get physical if I didn’t admit I was wrong. Both my mum and dad will lie in arguments or ‘telling offs’ to strengthen their story, making up silly lies to make me seem like a bad person. Maybe I am terrible, I don’t know.
I have always been a little overweight since about 15 years old. Which caused my parents to call me fat and ugly. They said they didn’t want to be seen in public with me, and the only reason I have friends is because me being stood next to them made them look skinny. I went on the treadmill one day in my garage, and I was walking slow and messing around on it , as a young teen who doesn’t want to run after school would lol . My dad watched me through the key hole, and burst in. He put on punching gloves and smacked the punching bag that hung next to the treadmill, he put the running speed on really fast and said he would punch me like that if I stopped running.
Now at the age of 20, I have really low self esteem, I always think everybody hates me because I’m fat, ugly and have a bad personality , as much as my friends tell me otherwise, my parents seem to confirm my worries.
when I have friends or my boyfriend over , my parents really try to put me down purposely in front of them, this includes revealing embarrassing details about me, or directly questioning my guest why they’re friends/ in a relationship with me because they ‘certainly wouldnt’. My dad comes in my bedroom sometimes and says I look 40 stone and why would my boyfriend ever think I was attractive. Followed by ‘are you going to the gym today’ or ‘get to the gym’ mid-conversation about a completely different topic.When I cry or show signs of upset, he calls me a crank and pathetic and that I will end up in a mental hospital.This paragraph tonight was inspired by my parents calling me a fat ugly slob because my Fitbit watch ( which I’ve had for 2 weeks) isn’t charging correctly.
my parents don’t seem to take much notice of me unless I do something wrong. I don’t really know how to take it , am I being dramatic and silly ? Is there any way I can eliminate my self loathing so I am more confident socially ?
Thank you
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