My Son Ran Away

[Guest]

This is the second time my 15 year old has run away. The first time was when we got into a fight because I caught him ditching school. This was on a Friday and he was home by Sunday. I freaked out. (His mother died when he was 20 months old and his brother died before my son was born.) So needless to say I went into the whole I can't lose another child pity party.

This time there were no indications whatsoever. I took him out of the HS that he was having so munch trouble in. Put him in an online Charter School. I wanted to get involved in his education so I am now the President of the School Board. We laugh and have fun. Got Season Tickets to the Raiders so we could hang out at the game together. Bought a huge 5th wheel so we could hook up and go wherever we wanted. I make sure he has money. I know all of his friends and I always know where he is.

This morning I went into his room to tell him goodbye and what schoolwork I wanted done for the day. There was a note on the bed saying that his cell phone would be off for the next 2 days and that if I call the Sherriff I won't see him until he is 18. That if I didn't try to contact him or the police he would do his school work and contact me everyday. So now I am not freaking out and having a pity party, I am plain infuriated.

I gave up a lot for my son (that's what parents do). I used to be a workaholic but that changed 7/2007 when I realized what was really important in life. He has new clothes and the latest stuff. He gets to do things with his friends. I give him as much freedom as I dare and this is how he repays me? I WILL call the police. I WILL turn off his cell phone if he doesn't return by Friday. I WILL get him counseling. I WILL try to help him. But this WILL stop. I will not be treated in this manner and he will not disrespect me again. I hope he is reading this. Things will be different when and if he returns. Things will be much different.

Why do the teens of today think that they have such a terrible life because their parents put their safety first? Things have changed since we were kids. The world is far more dangerous and kids make some gawd awful choices. Why are we so bad for doing our jobs? I'm sure that if his friends knew the truth about his life they would gladly change places with him. I don't get these kids.

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Re: My Son Ran Away

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time out of what already seems like a tumultuous situation to reach out to us at the National Runaway Switchboard. We respect the fact that you are willing to go beyond the usual contact places to seek outside support. We imagine that this is not an easy situation but it sounds like you truly want the best for your family and are willing to go out of your way to preserve it. It sounds like so much as happened over the years but you remain firm in your convictions to always put family first. It shows that you pay lots of attention to your son's needs and wants. We can appreciate the way you feel about doing so much for him to only receive little to no appreciation at all. However, it doesn't take away the amount of quality time you have shared or your continued support of the good things in his life. The sudden turn in behavior is some reason to worry but you seem appreciative of the fact that he had promised to go to school and contact you everyday. We admit that it is a little bold of your son to leave a note demanding things from you. Do you think something else made him do it?

Have you reached out to anyone close to you lately to talk these things over? Sometimes it helps to have someone to vent your frustration to. Has your son expressed to you the main reasons for his actions lately? If there are reasons for this sudden acting out; do you think he is being influence in some way? You stated that there was no indication as to what was going to happen. The mere fact that you have gone out of your way to get involved in his education and social life is even more symbolic of a father who keeps up with the whereabouts and actions of his child at home or in school. However, what is the likelihood that your son is withholding the real way he is feeling about switching schools, etc?

Do you think he feels helpless in the situation or is it simply a way for him to make up an excuse to do what he wants? We are not condoning his actions but we hope that you can try to look at it from other perspectives. When a child leaves a note, it is possible that he did not want to hurt you or maybe he wanted to involve you in on his plans. However, you did mention that you give him a lot of freedom. You do deserve to be treated with respect. We agree with you that things will be different when he comes home and they deserve to be. Have you thought about what you might say to him? You mentioned counseling and that is good start. Do you think he is going to be receptive to it? There is a lot that can be said about teens today and many of them make good choices. Some just needs an extra push in the right direction. It sounds like you are right on it and we hope you can count on us for support as times goes by. If you are interested in speaking to someone as you await his return, we have referrals for you for that also. You are welcomed to contact Team HOPE (Help Offering Parents Empowerment) for more support. We are here for you 24 hours a day if you are looking for someone to talk to. We can be reached 24 hours a day at 1800RUNAWAY. We truly want to hear from you if you are looking to vent a little or if you want to discuss your preparation for his return. We wish you the best and please stay strong. Good luck.

-NRS