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17, Being abused and want to move out.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Since you are under 18 years old, your mother is not legally allowed to kick you out of the house or refuse to sign you up for school. While it is good that you have found a place to stay and are being proactive about schooling and getting a job, what your mom is doing still isn't right. Her actions might be considered neglect and an be reported using an abuse report. If you would like to file a report, www.childhelp.org is a great resource to use.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I’m 17, and recently my mom kicked me out of the house out of her raging anger but has asked me to come but but I simply said no because her exact words to me were “ B**** I don’t care what you do but I want you to get your S*** and get out of my house & don’t ever ask me to do anything for you , I’m not taking you to work, & I’m not signing you up for school you better figure it out on your own” So that’s exactly what I’m doing. I have somewhere to stay permanently , I have transferred schools, & I have two jobs interviews soon . I’m also working on getting my important documents replaced . Only thing is I want to go get my things as in shoes and important items mostly I paid for but I don’t want her to try to stop me or make me stay what should I do ?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    HI,
    Thanks for reaching out; we are glad that you did. It sounds like things have been really hard for you for a long time due to your parent's emotional abuse. It's understandable to want to talk to them, to make them see, but they would have to admit that they were doing something wrong, and that is always hard.
    Learning that, and reaching out here, is very smart and brave. There are Transitional Living Programs available for people over 18. It depends on where you live whether there are programs available. If you reach out so that we can talk about this, we can also look up resources in your area. You can chat us through this website or call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929). We are confidential to you and are here 24/7.
    We truly hope to hear from you soon.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, I am 17 soon to be 18 and I want to move out as soon as possible, I have nowhere to go though and I can’t think of any plans, don’t have enough money to be on my own but I really want to leave as soon as I can. My parents have been emotionally abusive and used to hit me in the past, when I would try to express how I feel to them and tell them how what they do affects me, the turn it around on me and tell me I’m creating problems for myself. I have wanted their support for so long and so badly wanted to talk things through so that life would be easier for everyone involved and hopefully if they would learn from what went wrong with my my little sister would grow up in a better environment as well. However I realized that this was impossible because nothing I say means anything to them and when I point out their behavior they tell me that if I don’t like how they run the house I should just leave and suffer. They have a skiewed view of reality so I’ve realized that there is no helping them. I’m hoping if I get to a better and more safe environment that I can offer an asylum for my little sister if they act the same with her. Are there any programs that would help me out?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there.

    Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. We know that it can take a lot of courage to reach out for support, and we're glad you took that step. It sounds like you're having a tough time at home, especially with your mom, and we're sorry to hear that.

    You mentioned that you've talked with your therapist about things between you and your mom, but we're wondering if you might be open to doing some family sessions with her as well. Since it seems like you're not super satisfied with your therapist's response to some of the issues that you two are having, trying to focus some sessions on helping the both of you get on the same page and share how you're feeling might be helpful. While it might be an uncomfortable process, your therapist should be able to create and encourage a safe space where you feel comfortable, facilitating and/or mediating the conversation where needed.

    And in general, if you're not getting what you need from the therapist that you're seeing, don't hesitate to speak up for yourself and address that, giving them an opportunity to adjust their efforts to truly meeting your needs. Finding the RIGHT therapist is equally as important as getting therapy services in general, so if you need to reconsider who you're seeing as well, that's okay too.

    If you'd like to chat in more detail and continue to explore some of your options, please feel free to reach out to us directly by calling 1-800-RUNAWAY, or by chatting with us live at www.1800runaway.org. We're available 24/7 and are always happy to listen, and to help.

    Take care.

    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm 17, turning 18 early next year. I've been dealing with emotional and psychological abuse from my parents (mainly my mother) for years. In elementary school I was afraid to come home because she would yell at me or accuse me of being the root of her problems almost every day. When we adopted my younger sister, all the family focus went to her (which I suppose isn't a bad thing), but she now gets treated like an angel and I am not even allowed to tell her to quiet down or use the phrase "shut up" or my parents get aggressively mad. I've wanted to leave or emancipate myself for the last few years, but I won't be able to afford college or support myself (I don't have a job, I just recently got my driving permit, etc). If I go to my other guardians, as listed by my parents, I'll either be with a suicidal homophobe or a man that has made me feel very very uncomfortable in the past (done illegal things and acted sexually towards me in a flirty way). When I tell my mother about my mental health issues, she tells me I'm being unfair on the family and that I'm making things difficult. When I told her I was feeling suicidal, I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 2 weeks, where they still found something to be mad about when they came to visit me. I don't believe in their god, but if I tell them, I'm sure things will get worse. Even so, I have to go to church and be in youth groups, and I've been confirmed into their faith. My phone is tracked (I've never left home or gone anywhere without their permission), and I have an app that lets my mother access my phone and computer remotely. I haven't been physically abused in years, but that also used to happen in older elementary school/early middle. I mentioned calling CPS in middle school, and my mother took me out of all my extracurriculars in order to watch me 24/7 so I couldn't call. She is very immature and I tend to clean up after her. I've settled down fights between her and store owners, I've gone to find her after she's run away and bribed her back home by promising to paint her nails (like...why?). I'm not sure what to do anymore. I've told the EMTs and my therapist about this, but they have all written it off as "all parents get like this sometimes" or "she'll get better", but it's been years. Because of this and my past history, I've had suicidal tendencies since early elementary school and I thought about running away before I reached 5th grade. Maybe I'm crazy, and this isn't abuse, but that's just how I feel.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thank you for taking the time to contact us here at NRS. It sounds like you have been faced with a lot at home and you have been doing your best to keep yourself safe. There is absolutely no justification for any form of abuse and you do not deserve to feel unsafe at home. If you do not have a safe place to stay currently, please reach out to us directly by phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY or through live chat at 1800runaway.org and can search our database for any nearby youth shelters.

    You mentioned wanting to know more about being able to stay away from home while you wait on CPS. While we are not legal experts, we can speak generally on this. First and foremost, we encourage you to take whatever steps you feel are necessary to stay safe and out of harm's way. Generally speaking, if your parents report you as a runaway and they know where you are staying then it would be possible they could ask police to return you home. However, in the event that police attempt to return you home you can calmly and respectfully refuse, saying you do not feel safe. It is usually protocol for police to check with CPS first before returning you. So if CPS confirms that you have made a recent report that is being investigated it is possible police would either let you stay where you are or work with CPS to have you stay at a local youth shelter.

    We hope this information is helpful. Again, we are here 24/7 if you want to talk more about your situation and need additional support.

    Be safe and stay strong,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Im 17 and my parents recently abused me physically but before that it was verbal i left after it got physical but my parents called me in as a runaway and i was forced to go home. CPS has been called but im scared for my safety while i wait i never know when they will be verbal or physical. They also drink a lot which is what contributes to their action leaving no justification for it. My dad has a past with domestic violence so can i leave while i wait for cps.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thank you for reaching out to us; we are glad that you did. We are so sorry to hear about everything you are going through. It sounds awful and scary since the anger management didn't seem to work on your dad and that Child Services is not helping. We are glad that you have neighbors that heard and helped and that you have your psychologist to believe and try to help.
    The best way for us to help you is if we can have a conversation. You can reach out to us either by phone to our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-RUNAWAY) or through live chat via this website. If we can talk together, we will better be able to listen and help.
    We truly hope to hear from you soon. You have been so brave to survive this and to reach out and talk about things that hurt. You don't deserve to be treated this way. We are here for you 24/7.
    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    hi I am 17 and female with autism

    and I've been being abused by my father and I am scared to live in my own home and I have no way of moving out because I have nowhere to go and I recently lost my job due to covid and I went to court because my neighbors heard me screaming because I was being beaten and my dad was arrested because of it but the court dismissed him because he went to anger management but yesterday I was doing my wash while I was on the phone with someone and my dad started screaming at me and so I ducked down covering my head in fear and I tried to crawl away and he grabbed my shirt and ripped the back part off and honestly my mom took his side for everything she even told me once that his arrest was my fault and I don't know what to do. and child services have come to my house 3 times and they do absolutely nothing to help because they said it looks safe even tho its not and my psychologist tried to help and try to put me in therapeutic fostercare but my parents had to approve and they told her no.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod3
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,
    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). It sounds like it has been difficult for you to be able to reach out for help, please remember we do also offer help through emails, chats, and calls. We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. The Child Help hotline might be a better option considering the situation you have been in with your current adoptive mother and the local police. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. Sometimes having an agency such as CPS intervene can help explore options such as being placed with another family member.
    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
    You mentioned wanting to know how you can leave home before turning 18. The easiest way to leave home is with your legal guardians permission. If you are under 18 and leave home without permission, your guardian may file a runaway report with the police. What actions the police take once you are filed as a runaway can vary a lot from state to state and even city to city so we cannot predict exactly what would happen in your case. Generally speaking, if you encounter a police officer while reported as a runaway, you will likely be returned home. However, in that case there may be services (family counseling, etc.) available to you as a youth in crisis/runaway but again, police procedures related to offering those services can be different based on your location or the details of your situation.

    Another thing to consider is that while running away is not a crime, a legal adult who allows you to stay with them may be putting themselves at risk for being charged with harboring a runaway. One way to find out the laws in your area is to call your local police and ask what their policies are regarding runaway youth. The second way is through Child Protective Services if safety is a concern. Lastly, you can also look into emancipation options. In most states you need to be at least 16 to be considered and demonstrate that you can support yourself financially and independently. Emancipation often can be a lengthy process and may even cost some money for court fees. We would be happy to look into legal resources if that’s something you are considering.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
    We hope to hear from you soon.
    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    i’m 17 turning 18 in june, i was adopted when i was a baby and my adopted mom has always been verbally and mentally abusive but i’ve always never spoke on it, i would tell my uncles and aunts and they would try to help me and tell me i could stay a night or so at their house and my mom would get mad and call the police on them and say it’s kidnapping. she’s very manipulative and is ALWAYS cussing yelling and mentally abusing me and my siblings. when we don’t do something as simple as taking out the trash right when she says to she threatens to call the police and say we deserve to be in jail/ juvi and she wishes she never adopted us and many other rude things and i’ve been counting down the days till i’m 18 but the days just feel like they’re getting longer and longer my little brother who is 13 is on diversion and is on probation because she called because he didn’t wash the dishes but when police got to our house she was making up lies such as he was trowijg stuff at her and hitting and physically hurting her and started crying so police would believe her, p.s. she’s white and my siblings who she adopted are all african american so i’m not saying anything but i feel like they would believe a caucasian over a african american. but he’s 13 isn’t bad at all but already has charges on his name and is in probation for ******** that isn’t true. my other brother has also been on probation many different times and beat by the police and i’ve been on probation once and am about to go back on it for absolutely nothing. i just feel like she’s doing this so we could have a bad reputation and by that way i won’t be able to move out when i’m 18 or if so i’ll be in jail. she’s very manipulative and doesn’t care how any of us actually feel. and now anytime a police sees me driving or just with my friends i always end up getting pulled over having to search my car and getting a ticket for no reason and me and my brother have been arrested a couple times because they think we’re doing horrible and the lies she makes up. when she’s really the one who eggs ******** on and gets us in the trouble that we don’t even deserve to be in. i just need advice on what to do because when i do reach out for help my mom always gets in the way of it and denies she’s the bad person and blames it on us kids.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. You made a great first step to finding the help that you may need. It sounds like you are going through a lot and the people around you are not being supportive. You deserve to be treated with respect, to experience acceptance and to feel safe.

    We want you to know that you are strong for having gone through so much already. It is perfectly okay to deviate from what others or the common population believe to be “normal”. You’re bravery and resilience is so admirable. You are so strong for having gone through so much without having the acceptance that you do deserve for just being you. Remember that you are not alone. If you ever want to talk more about what you are experiencing or get additional support we are here 24/7 at 1800-RUNAWAY or our live chat service. The Trevor Project at1-866-488-7386 is another option to gain great support from those that are familiar with the issues and experiences of those that are also a part of the LGBTQ community. You can access their website link bellow to utilize all the other possibly useful resources they have to offer: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/

    You mentioned that you were considering the options that may be best for you. By all means, if you do fear for your safety either now or in the future, do not hesitate to take the necessary steps to regain your safety. This may mean calling the authorities or possibly reporting the things you may be experiencing. Other options to think about may be other family members, friends, or a trusted adults that would be able to provide you with support or a safe place to stay. It is great that you thinking ahead. Should you feel like leaving home is best, it may be a good idea to think about how you will provide necessities for yourself such as food, clothing, showers, healthcare and other basic needs. You mentioned being concerned about your phone being cutting off. Your parents are not legally obligated to ensure you have a phone, so if you leave they could shut off your phone service.

    You may want to also consider how your parent’s will react to you leaving without permission. We are not legal experts here, but typically as a minor (under the age of 1 you need permission from your parents to leave home. It is not illegal to runaway, but it would mean that your parents could file a runaway report with the police. This is usually done in an effort to try to return you home as the police are required to do so.

    If you can give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY or reach out through Live Chat we can try to find some youth shelters that may be near your city and state by utilizing our database of resources. We can also try to call out to shelters with you or on your behalf to advocate for you. 

    Stay Strong,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi, I'm 17 years old, almost 18. I am queer and live in a very conservative household, and I'm genuinely afraid I might be kicked out or have to leave if I am outed. I have friends who care about me and will probably be able to stay with one of them if I have to run away from home, but I'm not positive on this. I live in the Bible Belt area. One of my biggest questions is if there are any LGBTQ+ organizations I should reach out to, and if my parents could disable my phone/ take me off of their family plan.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod8
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey,

    It sounds like you’re going through a tough time at home and we, at National Runaway Safeline, want you to know that you are brave to reach out and are here to support you as you think about your options. When it comes to making this decision, you know your situation best and are the only one who knows the best way to proceed. But as you consider, at National Runaway Safeline, we advocate for safety planning.

    It might be helpful to think about your overall plan ahead of time so that you can think about what is realistic and what isn't. Looking into your support circle can be a good place to start when thinking about who you might be able to go live with. That can be anyone that gives you support (ie. any close relatives or friends) Another option would be looking into shelters. Shelters have rules that you have to comply with such as curfews, but they are good temporary places. You could also look into Transitional Living Centers, which offer more long-term supportive housing for young adults. Because you are under 18, your mom or guardian would need to give permission for you to stay at those places. In regard to telling her, oftentimes, it is best to go in certain and with a plan. At NRS, we have staff on the lines 24/7 who you can practice having this difficult conversation with if you want. We also help you look into shelters, along with counseling services, as it is oftentimes helpful to have a consistent professional to talk to.

    Please reach out to NRS if you need any more help. We are 24/7 and available through calls and chats.

    Best of luck,
    National Runaway Safeline
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