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17, Being abused and want to move out.

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hey there,
    Thanks for reaching out to NRS, it seems like you have been through a lot because of your dad and are feeling understandably tired of the situation. It seems like you’ve taken steps before talking with CPS and DHS before but they didn’t take effective enough steps. It seems like your mom is also unwilling to leave just yet despite how she is also being treated which seems like it could be really frustrating. Your father should never threaten to kill your mom like that, and it makes sense to feel unsafe in that environment. You do have a few options yet.
    1) Getting permission from your parents to stay with your grandparents for a while. If you have permission to stay there for a while and let things cool down and relax for a bit. That might help you to put things in perspective and come up with a long-term plan.
    2) Finding more support for you and your mom. It seems like if you could, you would be ok with staying with your mom if your dad wasn’t involved. There are hotlines specific to domestic violence you, and your mom could reach out to for more help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached at 1-800-799-7233 or online at thehotline.org.
    3) Going through CPS/DHS again. It seems like the first time they tried a less intense reaction to the situation but if that hasn’t worked they might be more willing to get you out of an unsafe situation like that. You can check out childhelp.org or call 1-800-422-4453 to reach the Child Abuse Hotline. There is a possiblilty they would send you to a family member that is more safe than your current home. Although your other family may have to become a foster parent to you or adopt you for it to be a long term solution.
    4) If your mom is threatened or hit again and you are afraid for her, or your own well-being you can also call the police and have them come in to diffuse the situation. They may help to get you to a safer place while things cool down between your parents if that were to happen as well.
    Hopefully those options help. If you did get to the point you felt like running is your only option and a runaway report was filed then it is a Status Offence. This means police wouldn’t arrest you, and its not a crime to have left the home. So police would only bring you back home. They are also supposed to listen to you if you have a claim of child abuse before they force you back home.
    If you have more questions or just need someone to talk with please call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929 or use our online chat at 1800runaway.org.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm 14, and I was wondering if I could get any help on a situation that I’ve been dealing with for a while. My dad has been abusing my mom and I these last few years. I didn’t speak up about until my friend pushed me to since he was very concerned about what was happening at home last year. dhs & cps were involved for a little bit, but they left once my dad got enrolled into his anger management classes. I wish dhs & cps could've at least stayed knowing that my dad has returned back into abusing my mom and I. Recently my dad has abused my mom by making her do things she doesn't want to do, he threatens to kill her, sometimes hitting her later leaving bruises, and when I tell her to leave my dad since I know she needs to so she can be safe and comfortable, she will not listen to me and always tells me that "things will get better". I don't want to stay living here anymore. I'm tired of the constant abuse and verbal abuse. I've felt like running away but the one down side of that is just the fact that I don't want to return home if I do this. I have a safe place to stay that I was offered if I ever needed somewhere to stay if things got worse. I've kept on trying to get help from different lifelines and resources. All of them have suggested counseling for my family even though that has already been done before and nothing had changed. So I'm not sure if there would be anyway by chance if a worker from cps could be able to let me take my belongings and possibly drive me over to the place I was offered to stay by a close relative? or I don't really have that much of a problem walking although it would take around 2 hours. I just want to get out of here as soon as possible! I want permission from dhs or cps that I can stay there for a while. I wasn't quite sure if that would be a possible option but it's either that or my last resort which is running away. I'm tired of living here and would just really appreciate if there was any other way I could get help besides counseling or just in general anything that could help me at least get someone to come to my home and explain to my parents why I'm leaving without any problems in between. I don't want to be reported as a runaway nor do I want to just have everything continue going on here. If there is anyway that would be a possible option, please reply. thank you

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  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Thanks for reaching out to us; you are definitely going through a log. You don't deserve the sort of mistreatment you are experiencing, and it's totally understandable that you would be upset and frustrated. It's great you are reaching out for support: it shows that you care about your life and your well being. We care too. We're here to help as best we can.

    One idea might be to file an abuse report on your mother's behavior toward you. You can do that through your state's child abuse reporting hotline, or through Child Help: www.childhelp.org, 1-800-422-4453. Filing a report doesn't automatically remove you from the home, but it probably will lead to an investigation and child protective services will determine what the next best steps are for you and your family. We never tell anyone what to do, but this is at least one option for you. We honor whatever you decide.

    Another option would be to ask permission from your mom to live elsewhere. This would avoid the potential legal consequences of running away. Of course, if you decide to run your mom has the right to file a runaway report on you. Anyone you stay with can be accused of harboring a runaway. But again, we work with you whatever you decide.

    As for your mental health and how to stay safe in the meantime (if you decide to wait till you are 18 to leave): it's great to get as much support as you can. It's important that you can confide in others that you feel safe with. That can be friends, but also relatives, teachers, counselors, religious figures, or whoever you feel can lend support. Just talking through things and expressing yourself to someone that genuinely listens can be a healthy coping strategy. Journaling can also be helpful. Even though things are rough in some important parts of your life, don't neglect the parts you can control and that you can enjoy. Keeping up hobbies and friendships is important. You still are so young and can have a bright future ahead of you. It's just getting through this difficult time. But you can do it.

    We are especially concerned when you mention that you previously attempted suicide. If you have suicidal thoughts it's extremely important to reach out for help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a great resource and they are open 24/7 at 1-800-273-8255. There are a couple other great organizations that might be helpful to you:

    The Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration: www.samhsa.gov; 1-877-726-4727
    The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): www.nami.org; 1-800-950-6264 or text "NAMI" to 741741
    Al-Anon: www.al-anon.org

    Any of the above numbers are staffed by people that you can talk to about your situation. Of course, we are also here for you at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are open 24/7 and are confidential and never tell you what to do. We can, however, listen and work with you to help you figure out what your best options are. You can also chat with us via the portal at www.1800runaway.org. Keep in mind that we have a large database of resources that we can possibly connect you with: counselors, legal aid, shelters, and the like. Really, you do not have to face this alone. There is lots of support out there, even if they aren't immediately obvious.

    We hope to hear from you soon. Please be safe. Good luck to you and your little sister.

    Best,
    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 03-29-2020, 11:26 AM.

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I lived with my biological father for most my life until him and my stepmom became emotionally and mentally abusive. In 2017 I tried to commit suicide and I was extremely depressed to the point of not really remembering most of that year and I now have an eating disorder. After the whole ordeal I got my phone taken and my dad took my clothes my door most of my stuff and wouldn’t leave me alone to change. It got bad and I finally convinced him to let me live with my mom who had just moved back to my state cause my stepdads navy. The first year was okay, I had some problems with her and little things but it wasn’t bad. Around last summer though I noticed that she was off. She even admitted to me she had an alcohol problem but I ignored it. But since then these past few months have been awful. She’s constantly screaming and blaming everyone for her depression and weight gain. She finds any moment she can to belittle my stepdad and scream at him. She doesn’t work and has some medical problems but Blair’s then on us when it’s out of our control. Then in the past few weeks she quit smoking and picked up drinking again. She’s become emotionally and mentally abusive to the point that it feels like living with my dad again. She says everyone is a narcissist or manipulative and that everyone is bad. She even has tried to black mail me into breaking up with my boyfriend and putting ideas into my head of how awful he is when he’s one of the only people who support me. She’ll buy me things after she’s mean and screams and try’s to make up for it. We are at my grandparents for the virus and we can’t leave and she has taken every chance to yell at me and blame me for things that I didn’t do or wasn’t around for that my siblings did. She said that I’m being abusive to my sister because I get frustrated but in reality she’s 9 and won’t leave me alone and I got stern and said stop and leave me alone. Every thing I do and or say she twists and tells other people different. My stepdad finally listened when my sister and I said we need help. My 13 year old sister called his mom and cried and told her how bad it is but now he thinks her and I are being awful and won’t come and get us. My mom ruins any chance we have to be happy and makes it seem like we have to earn it and anything. I know I’ve rambled but I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t drive yet, I’m 17 but the states shut down dmvs so I can’t get my permit and everyone else I could have get me is five hours away. At this point I onow it’s not worth getting emancipated because I’ll be 18 in January but I’m struggling to see if I can last till I graduate. Other events I haven’t discussed have made it really hard and I don’t trust my father or my mother now and I don’t have anywhere else to go. Please help me I need some advice

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  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi,
    Thank you for reaching out to us; we are glad that you did. We are sorry that you are going through this; you are very brave for reaching out for help.

    It sounds like you are getting verbally abused and other things are happening to you and that you would like to leave and get to someplace safe. If you are being hurt, you can call the police in the moment, but going to them to have them take you someplace probably won’t work.

    What you can do is, with a cell phone, reach out to www.nationalsafeplace.org Their TXT 4 Help option is that you text the word Safe to 44357 and they will tell you the closest safe place. Then you contact them again from that location.

    The best way for us to help you is if we can talk to you directly to help you discover all of your options. If you’d like to talk further about this, you can reach us either by phone at our hotline, 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-RUNAWAY) or live chat via www.1800runaway.org We are here 24/7 to listen and help.

    Sincerely,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    Hi I’m 17 and I get Verbally abused and many others but I rather not say if I was to leave and tell the police what’s really going on can they take me from where I’m at this place is a clean apartment I will have a job still be going to school and etc but everything at home brings me down will the police have the right to bring me back home or will I have to fight the case

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  • ccsmod16
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello!

    Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline. You do not deserve to be treated that way. It is really brave of you to write to us. Child Help is a great organization that can help you with the way your mom has been treating you. They can offer you options and answer any questions you may have. Their number is 1800-422-4453. They also have a live chat at www.childhelp.org.

    You mention that your parents do not take your depression seriously. That is not okay. What you are dealing with is real. NAMI is a wonderful resource regarding mental health. You can call them at 1800-950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741741. They can provide great support for you and answer questions you may have about what you are going through. You can also reach back out to us via our hotline at 1800-786-2929 or our live chat at www.1800runaway.org. We can provide resources or a listening ear. Our services are 24/7 and confidential.

    Stay safe!
    National Runaway Safeline

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    My parents are verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and my mother gets drunk quite often. and i dont know what to do anymore,i have severe depression that my parents dont take seriously. im 14 years old and i cant move out legally, what should i do?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod2
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello There,
    Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It seems like you are going through a really difficult time right now.
    Depression can be hard to deal with alone, and you do not have to deal with that alone. One resource that can be helpful to you is called NAMI (national alliance for mental illnesses). They can be reached at 1800-950-NAMI, they may be able to provide referrals to therapists. Another option may be to speak with your school counselor about what has been going on.
    We are not legal experts but if you were to leave home without permission your legal guardian could file a runaway report. If the police were to find you they most likely would bring you back home. One option to consider is seeing if any of your friends or family members would allow you to stay with them until you have money saved.
    We hope that this information will help you with your situation. If you have any other questions or would like to explore more options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support.
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I am 17. 4 more months I will be graduate but I can't wait to move out ! I feel depression in my family, by the way they treat me and I seriously got thread of kick out of the home ! I don't have enough money to be out yet ! Do I really have to wait until I am 18 or have enough money ? How can I keep hold on in this situation ?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod13
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hi there,

    Thanks for reaching out to NRS. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help and share a little bit about what has been going on. You mentioned that you want to leave because your dad and younger sister are abusive. You deserve to live somewhere you feel safe and supported. The easiest way to leave home without permission, is with your dad's permission. Perhaps there is a family member or a friend you could talk to for support and see if they would be willing to talk to your dad with you about your concerns at home. Having an adult advocate can help prevent conversations from escalating to yelling and make sure your voice is being heard. Additionally, the National Child Abuse Hotline can be a source of support for you as well during this challenging time. You can contact them at 800-422-4453 or go to www.childhelphotline.org.

    We are here to help and listen 24/7 if you would like to talk more in detail about your situation and brainstorm some options together. You can reach us at 1-800-786-2929 or use our online chat services at 1800runaway.org.

    Be safe,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I have a abusive dad and younger sister.I want to move out but I’m only 14 years old.Is there a way to move out at a young age?

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod15
    commented on Guest's reply
    Hello,
    Thank you for reaching out to National Runaway Safeline.
    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. The way your dad is treating you is definitely not okay. You deserve to feel safe and cared for. We have some resources that you might find beneficial to you. In regards to the way your dad is speaking to you and hitting you, you could reach out to Child Help. They can provide support and answer any questions you may have regarding the way he is treating you. We understand that this is hard for you. You can also report abuse there. Their number is 1800-422-4453.

    You mention that you are depressed and may have anxiety. We are sorry that you have been dealing with that. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone. If you feel comfortable you can reach out to NAMI. They can provide support for you and perhaps find some local resources for you regarding your mental health. You can contact them at 1800-950-NAMI or you can text NAMI to 741741.
    Since you are 15 you are still considered a minor. This means that your parents are legally responsible for you. In order for you to stay at your friend's house legally you would need to get your parent's permission. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,
    NRS

  • Guest's Avatar
    Guest replied
    I'm 15 and my parents emotionally and verbally abuse me. My dad has major anger problems and he hit me one time and has told me to go die. I am depressed because of them and I think I have anxiety too. I do not want to live here anymore is there any way I could stay at my friend house without getting anyone in trouble.

    Leave a comment:


  • ccsmod4
    replied
    Hi I’m a parent I live in L.A.

    Hello,
    Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you might want to consider speaking with a lawyer since this involves custody. You stated your daughter is being abused by mom. You or she can also file an abuse report with child services in her home state.
    She does not deserve to get abused. We understand how difficult this must be for you and her. To file an abuse report contact Child help 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org

    We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

    Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
    If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to or seek emergency assistance immediately.
    We hope to hear from you soon.

    Take care,
    NRS

    Leave a comment:

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