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  • 17, Being abused and want to move out.

    I feel very unsafe at home. I am being emotionally and verbally abused by my parents and brother. About a year ago, I felt very uncomfortable because my dad started touching me inappropriately. Family services already got involved but didn't do anything to help. I am 17 yrs old and am ready to move out. but I don't want to be dragged back home if my parents aren't okay with me moving out yet. Getting emancipated will be too long of a process to be worth it for me. But I also can't wait till I'm 18. If I'm being abused can I go against my parents wishes and legally leave?

  • #2
    Re: 17, Being abused and want to move out.

    Hi there,

    Thank you for sharing your story to our online forum. First of all, NO ONE has the right to touch you inappropriately. You do not deserve to be treated like that and it’s very brave of you to reach out for help. We’re sorry to hear that family services wasn’t helpful. It’s their job to make sure that you are living in a safe environment, and it’s you’re right to live in a home where you feel safe and comfortable.

    The only ways to leave home legally are with your parents’ permission, through emancipation, or through child protective services. If you leave home without permission, your parents could report you as a runaway and the police would be authorized to return you home. If you still want to try again through family/child protective services, that could be an option. We can’t be 100% sure what the outcome will be if your local family services decides to open a case based on what you share. Sometimes they decide to remove minors from the home and other times they offer services such as family counseling or mediation instead. The only way to know the outcome might be to reach out to them directly and if you’re ready to do that we are here to help you through that process.

    There's definitely a lot to think about when running, like who you would stay with, how you would get there, how you would enroll in school, and how you would pay for things. We are happy to discuss with you some safe options specific to your situation if you decide to call or chat with us.

    Stay strong,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      17, being abused and want to move out.

      I have places to go and ways to pay for things. and a ride there I just have to figure out how to bring it up to my parents to get the best reaction out of them. Any ideas?

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: 17, being abused and want to move out.

        Hi there,

        We’re glad to hear that you have a solid plan worked out to have a safe place to stay, transportation, and a way to pay for things. It can be really hard to talk to parents about leaving home and it’s good that you are reaching out for help.

        It might be helpful to think about how your parents will react to the news. What specifically they might be uncomfortable with and what might ease their concerns. It might be good to think about what you are willing to compromise or meet your parents half way on if anything. If you expect your parents to be upset, you might want to think about how your reaction and demeanor will affect the conversation. If possible, having someone outside of your parents present that can help facilitate that conversation, like another family member who both you and your parents trust. Just some things to consider.

        If abuse is going on at home, that’s definitely not something you deserve. If this is something you are dealing with, we want you to know that there are resources out there that can help. Child Help USA is an organization that can help young people in this type of situation. You may find their website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/.

        If you want to talk about your situation in more detail, we welcome you to call in or chat with us online. We are here 24 hours and can talk about different options with you or just listen to what you might be going through at home.

        Best of luck,
        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment


        • #5
          Can you tell me if this is abuse? my grandma yells at me. she said go fu
          Ck your self and wiped her Mucus or boogers on me. She also threatened me with a knife. And I did it back to her. she hits me withe a broken flyswatter. But, if she knows I'm doing this, shell beat my grAss if ya know what I mean. I told kids at my school, and felt guilty about it if they tell someone. But as l learned that it wasn't my fault, and she served it, it made me feel better. Sorry if I have to sum it up coz when shell come and see me doing this, shell break my I pad. She did illegal stuff, like say the n word, drive ten miles over the speed limit. Make illegal turns, like going the wrong way. And she curses me out, one time, she inched my chest, I'm a girl, and my parts back and front. I told her to stop but she wouldn't. She said I'll beat that ash if I wanna beat that ash. I think u know what I Mean. I dunno if this is bad, but I need braces aand she won't give them to me. She blames crap on me even if I didn't do it. She threatened to give me to a guy down the street who is a sex offender. Please help me. And she also was about to beat me, but I forgot why, with the broken flyswatter and I took it out of her hand and she scratched me and left me a tiny scar. She punched me for changing the channel. She scratched me, but I forgot why. I told a friend And he said he'll make me an orphan and so I lied and said that my cat did it. She embarassed me by saying I was overweight and licked my ear in a sexual way. And I had to sleep in the same bed with her until I was 11. We had a long fight that I was sleeping in my bed instead of hers, but she chased me until 12:00 am almost, and that was the first time in my life that I was scared of her. I don't wake up at 6:25 as I should, I'll admit. So, she hit me, tried to play sexuall way with me, and all other stuff. I simply don't know what to do, please help. And should I just runaway,or tell and live in a foster home, or stuff. D:

          thank you so much!

          Comment


          • ccsmod10
            ccsmod10 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hey there,
            Thanks for reaching out to NRS! It sounds like you’ve been going through really hard times lately, it was very brave of you to explain a bit about your situation.
            You talked about how your grandmother has been treating you. It does definitely sound like abuse, we’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. You’re able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. You also mentioned foster care that can also be an option if CPS decides to take you out of your grandmother’s house. NRS is able to conference call with you if you need help making the abuse report, or we can make one for you.
            Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Also, talking to school counselors and teachers about what’s going on at home could provide you with great support and they are also able to report abuse to CPS. You are not alone in this and you deserve to be treated with love and respect. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website.
            Be safe, NRS

        • #6
          I'm 16 and I'll be 17 in October , My mother recently became violent with my stepmother/her girlfriend and I no longer feel safe at home . My mother screamed at me and my younger brother who is 15 to leave to house pack our bags and go live with our dad who doesn't pay child support all the way in Florida. Are there any ways I can move out legally without having to wait a year or two? I have several houses I can move into and my brother is getting a job to get an apartment..

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there, thanks for posting today and sharing some of what is going on. It sounds like home is really stressful and has become violent and that you are wanting to leave. That is understandable and we are here to help you in any way we can. We know it takes courage to reach out.
            So in most states, 18 is the legal age when you can move out and choose where you live. Leaving home before that age is most easily done with parent’s permission. You mentioned having several houses you could move into. Is there any chance your mom would give you permission to live with another family member or a friend? If so, that may be a possibility! Maybe you could have an adult you trust like a family member or school counselor help you talk to your mom about this option. We also offer conference calling so you can call us anytime, 24/7 and we can call out to your mom with you and serve as a support and advocate to make sure your mom hears your point of view: 1-800-786-2929. The only other legal way to leave is through CPS if home is unsafe or through emancipation. If you want more information on that, feel free to call us or chat us (open 4:30-11:30pm CT). Emancipation can be a long process, but it is an option.
            If you leave without your mom’s permission, she could file a runaway report. It is not a crime, however, that means she can let the police know you are gone and if they come into contact with you, they usually try to take you back home unless home is unsafe, in which case they may get child protective services involved.
            You mentioned your mom giving you and your brother alcohol and weed and that she yells a lot and asked you to leave. She is legally responsible for you and your brother until the age of 18 so if she kicks you out, that could be considered neglect. If you want more information on what is considered abuse or neglect, you can call Child Help: 1-800-422-4453, childhelp.org. That is the national child abuse hotline and they can explain better how to report if you would like to, how to get custody transferred to a safe adult and options you have.
            Thank you for opening up and being so brave. We are here to listen and help you through this difficult time at home. Call us anytime and be well! 1-800-786-2929

        • #7
          Also my mother tries to give me weed as depression and made me and my brother drink a bottle cap full of vodka last year .

          Comment


          • ccsmod15
            ccsmod15 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there, see our response above in number 6 and call or chat with us if we can help in any other way!

        • #8
          i am 14 and i was wondering if it was leagal to move to my friends house being at “home” stressed me out and i don’t want to be there. my parents constantly yell at me cuss at me (mostly my dad) and even once he grabbed my face holdinmy against a mirror he always threatens me and tells me if i make one more wrong move i would be living in hell they’ve told me to leave my house because i was “ruining their marriage” and told me i wasn’t but wanted in the family. they have outrages and punish me without thinking they never let me talk it out with them or have a input so i can’t say how i feel about how they are acting. they caused my depression and tell me that i’m faking to make them feel bad for me i’m constantly on edge thinking what can they yell at me next i went to live with my friend for a week before but my mom told me it wasn’t leagal and i had to move back they try and apologize sometimes but never admit that it was wrong of them to do that they talk down about me to their friends my dad endangers me in the car a lot by texting and driving, swerving, and speeding. they are emotionally and verbally abusing me. i can’t wait to leave that house but i don’t know if i can, please help.

          Comment


          • ccsmod7
            ccsmod7 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi, it sounds like you’re going through a really tough situation and it was brave of you to reach out. No one ever deserves to be abused, and we can help you think through your options. We’re not legal experts, but we can speak to what we see in general. Running away isn’t illegal, but it is considered a status offense. What this means is that it won’t go on your record, but if your parents filed a runaway report, the police would bring you back home. One legal concern when you’re considering leaving home is that since you’re a minor, if you stayed with someone who is an adult, they could be charged with harboring a runaway.

            Another option you could consider is filing an abuse report. This can be a difficult and personal decision, but if you did file an abuse report, typically what happens is that an investigation would be opened, and they would look for evidence of abuse. If they found evidence of abuse, they may arrange for you to live with someone else. If you ever wanted to find out more about this process or you wanted help and support filing, you could reach out to Child Help, the National Child Abuse Hotline. Their phone number is 1-800-422-4453 and their website is childhelp.org.

            You’ve got a lot going on and it can be really hard to take the first step and talk to someone, so it was brave of you to contact us today. Know that you’re not alone and there are resources available to you. If you ever want more resources or just need to talk, we’re available 24/7 and we’re here to listen. Feel free to call us anytime at 1-800-Runaway.

        • #9
          im 15 and want to move out of my grandparents home... My life has been a struggle for me and my sister because we lost moms and dads to drugs and ive lost one to a drug overdose. My papaw and mamaw physically abuse me and emotionally abuse me.. what can i do and what are my options about me wanting to be adopted by my step mother by marriage? I hate living under this house hold. They have beat me with belts and left marks 4-5 inches wide of bruises and cuts. My cousins and my sister have seen me be beaten by my grandmother.. she punched slapped and busted my lip.. ive had suicidal thoughts since i was 10 years old and i cant talk about this to anyone that is close to family because im worried they will tell them or other things. What can i do to move out with my step mom or to move out period??!

          Comment


          • #10
            Thank you so much for reaching out to NRS, we know that it takes a lot of courage to share your story and we appreciate you sharing it with us. Seems like you are going through an incredibly difficult time. You should not have to deal with any type of abuse. If you would like to report the abuse you can call Child Help at 1800-422-4453. At that hotline you can report the abuse and they also may be able to provide other referrals. When you report the abuse to CPS you could ask about the steps to becoming adopted by your step mother. You should never have to go through being beaten by your grandparents, and we are sorry that you are going through that. Have you tried talking about your suicidal thoughts to any close friends or a teacher or school counselor? Your safety is our top concern, so if you are having suicidal thoughts it is recommended that you call the National Suicide Lifeline. The number for The National Suicide Lifeline is 1800-273-8255. Because you are 15 in most states it would be illegal for you to move out because you are not 18. Running away is a status offense not a criminal offense so the police would most likely bring you back home if a runaway report was filed. Because there is abuse going on the police might not send you back to your grandparents, we are not legal experts so you could call your local police department to find a clearer answer. Again thank you so much for reaching out we are here 24/7 so if you have any other questions feel free to call us or chat with us.
            Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

            National Runaway Safeline
            info@1800runaway.org (Crisis Email)
            1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

            Tell us what you think about your experience!
            https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

            Comment


            • #11
              for a long time i have been dealing with physical and emotional abuse from my stepfather. he has dragged me down steps and kicked me and punched me and harmed me countless times. he also calls me things such as a **********, a skank, useless. i cry myself to sleep everytnight and i have had very bad suicidal thoughts i don’t misbehave in school and everyone says i’m a great kid. i told my grandma what he’s been doing to me for years and she has offered for me to come live with her. i have photo evidence from abuse. is it possible to leave without my mother’s permission? i don’t want to leave and be dragged back here and him hurt me. i mostly do not want to hurt myself. i live in ohio.

              Comment


              • ccsmod9
                ccsmod9 commented
                Editing a comment
                Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS! We know that it can take a lot for you to reach out and seek help. We commend your bravery for wanting to explore your options and seeking resources. You do not deserve to be void of anything that might help you cope with life. Nor should you feel unsafe at home.
                From what we gather about your story it seems like you have had to endure lots of abuse both physically and emotionally. To answer your question about obtaining your mom’s consent you would need her consent if you choose not to report what is going on at home. If you were to leave without her consent she would be able to file a runaway report and have the police bring you back hoe if they were to find you. Know that you have the right to call for help to get you out of an unsafe environment. This can be done by calling law enforcement. They would try to place you with a close relative that you feel safe around before putting you elsewhere and because your grandma has offered it would be a good way to maybe let her gain custody of you. Another option you have is contacting the National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453) and they would also do their best to run through options for you and what next steps would look like for you. No should feel unsafe and hurt at home. You deserve to be treated with respect and love. We hope that you can decide what is safest for you in the current moment.
                Again we want to thank you for reaching out to us. We know it can be difficult to be in a tough spot but we want you to know that we are to help and listen as best we can. If for any reason you find yourself with more questions or concerns feel free to reach out to us at our hotline (1-800-786-2929) or out chat option online www.1800runaway.org . We hope that this information can help give you a better view of the options you have.
                Best Wishes- NRS

            • #12
              Ok so I’m 15 turning 16 and I’ve been getting verbally abused at home my uncle calls me a f*** up and tells me to pack my stuff and leave I have a place to go but I have no clue what to do I cry almost every day because of them I just can’t do it anymore and they say I’m a baby and I can’t do stuff on my own I have a job and I’m getting my car in January but I just need out of here and they said if I called any one abt it they would beat my a**

              Comment


              • ccsmod10
                ccsmod10 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hey there,

                Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It’s great that you were able to find out some information about our hotline. Hopefully we can help.

                We are so sorry that you’re being abused and emotionally hurt at home. No one should talk to you the way your uncle does. You don’t deserve to be abused in any way. You’re always able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options as far as transferring custody. We also have legal aid resources in our database. While we’re not law experts, we can try to find one in your area, there may be legal ways for you to be able to move away from your family. We’re here to try to brainstorm options with you.

                If you feel like getting out of the house is the best option and you decide to run away, we can explain what usually happens. We’re not legal experts, but from our general knowledge, running away is not illegal. If you runaway, your dad can make a runaway report. The police don't always actively look for you, if they come across you, then they usually bring you home. If you explain to them that home isn't a safe place to be, they don't always return you right away. They're supposed to investigate it first. If you need somewhere to stay, we can also look for runaway shelters in your area as well.

                We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. You are always welcome to call into our 24/7 crisis center, or use our chatting services via our website. The best way to tell us everything would be to just call into our hotline and talk to one of our trained liners.

                Be safe, NRS

            • #13
              I'm 17 , my mother emotionally and verbally abuse me , she can get physical with me too. I want to move out but I don't know what to do and don't know where to start. It's very stressful for me because I have school ( I'm in grade 12 next year) and I'm trying to get a job but it's hard and I haven't able to drive a car because Its expensive. And where I'm going to able to sleep. I'm suffering from depression and anxiety from all of this, I need help and advice and if anyone has the same experience how did you do it

              Comment


              • ccsmod2
                ccsmod2 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hello There,

                Thank you for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we know it takes courage to reach out and we are so glad that you took the first steps into reaching out. It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now. Any type of abuse is unacceptable and you defiantly do not deserve to be treated that way. If you would like to make a report you can contact Child Help at: 1800- 422-4453. We know that sometimes making abuse reports can be scary, if you would like help you can call us at any time. Congrats at almost being done with school that is a huge achievement, and you should be very proud! You may want to consider talking to your school counselor about your feelings, and they may be able to provide you with support and resources. You mentioned wanting to move out, in most states the legal age to leave home without permission is 18. We are not legal experts but if you leave home before turning 18 you could be considered as a runaway. If the police were to find you they most likely would bring you back home. You could consider asking your parents for permission to stay at a friend’s house or family member’s house. If you would like to call us we can also help you look for shelters in your area. We hope this information was helpful in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to discuss your situation further please give us a call, we are available 24/7. Best of Luck!
                NRS

            • #14
              My son girlfriend is 17 and she's getting abused at home alot and she supposed to get medication for anxiety and asthma and she haven't got any in a long time I she needs them. Can she just move out her house
              Last edited by ccsmod6; 11-19-2018, 06:01 PM.

              Comment


              • ccsmod3
                ccsmod3 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hi there,

                Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like you really care for her – that’s a great thing and I’m sure she really appreciates it. It’s great to see adults advocate for children and be a support system for them when they need it. As for your question, the answer is it depends. Technically she is not allowed to stay anywhere without her parents’ permission until she is a legal adult (when she turns 18 in most states, but 19 in Alabama and Nebraska and 21 in Mississippi). However, we find that most of the time when 17 year-olds leave the house they don’t get in legal trouble for it, and if they land someplace safer than their parents’ house, a lot of times police will let them stay there. The police sometimes figure that since the person is almost a legal adult anyway, it doesn’t make sense to force them to return home. However, this isn’t the case all the time. One thing you can do is call your local police station or sheriff’s office, and ask them anonymously what they would do in this situation.

                Another thing you can do is report child abuse. When you report abuse, the state will send out an investigator to interview the family. After that, they can connect the family to services that will make the home safer, or if that doesn’t work, find the child a new place to stay. In rare cases, the parents can be charged for their abuse. To report abuse, look up the child abuse hotline in your state (the organization in charge will probably be called something like Child Protective Services or the Department of Child and Family Services).

                No matter what, it’s important that she end up in a safe home that meets all of her needs. Good luck, and let us know if you have any more questions!

                -NRS

            • #15
              I'm 14 and my mom has gotten very violent lately she always has been but its worse so I snapped back. She took my phone up last night. She answered my phone and disrespected my privacy. I yelled at her. i went and got scissors to cut my bangs because they were too long. so she said she was gonna have me arrested for assault and trying to kill her, all I did was try to trim my bangs. Then she found out about something bad I did which was lying about where I was. then she flipped out and started threatening me and I had no contact cause she had to take my phone. Now my father will not get full custody of me cause he's struggling, but my mom threatened to throw me out. Now my friend has offered to let me move in if I need, I know my parents will say no but I really don't wanna stay there and I do not wanna go into the system (I'm adopted) I can't live with my birth parents tho, I wanna live with my dad but he cant which I understand I just wanna leave my parents house and stay with my friend because I'm so tired of being super depressed all the time. So would I be allowed to leave my parents without permission because emancipation is kinda hard because they won't let me leave to even prove to the court that I can and they bonded our bank accounts, so I would have no access to my money

              Comment


              • ccsmod2
                ccsmod2 commented
                Editing a comment
                Hi there,
                Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. It makes sense that you’re interested in leaving home and we’ll try our best to answer your questions. You deserve to feel supported through this.
                You mentioned that your mom has gotten violent and it sounds like you might be experiencing abuse at home. That is never okay and if you are interested you could consider contacting Child Help, which is the National Child Abuse Hotline. They can provide options for you on how to report if that’s of interest to you or support you with other opportunities. They can be reached at 1-800-422-4453 or at www.childhelp.org
                It makes sense that you aren’t interested in going back into the system. If you have an old case worker that you used to work with they might be helpful in navigating this with you. As you mentioned, emancipation can take a bit of time, unfortunately it doesn’t typically take effect until after the court approves it. So since you’re 14 and if you were to leave your house without your parent’s permission, there’s a chance that they could file a runaway report which would mean that you’d be returned home.
                It’s understandable that you no longer want to feel depressed. It could be helpful to talk to someone you trust like someone at school. If you are interested in more stable mental health support you could also consider looking up the National Alliance on Mental Illness. They can be reached at 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text NAMI to 741741
                We wish you the best of luck and please feel free to contact us 24/7 and toll free at 1-800-786-2929 should you need any additional support.
                Best,
                NRS
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