I'm 16 and I can't live with my mother anymore

[Guest]

My mother and I literally can't stand each other we're always fighting she's recently banned my best friends from coming over and now I've lost all respect for her she stopped being a mother to me when I was 13 when I started noticing things that was wrong with my family and her and pointed them out she calls me to ask if my younger brother has eaten and only cooks to acomadate him. She buys the cereals that he likes and buys him shoes and jackets just like that but it's like a war when I need these things. She has told not to call her mum and she can never stand with me it's always against me I love her but our views don't align anymore I hate her too much to want to be here and also my brother is hostile and violent towards me and he's only 14 and when I tell her she says it's because I bully him and she feels the need to tell my school and my relatives this but everyone sees how he is but her and my dad. My dads not bad he tries he lives in Nigeria and I believe he doesn't speak against my mom often because he loves her too much he knows how she is but he loves her and I respects that he pays for my school lunch something she hasn't done since I was 12 he buys brought my uniform he gives me pocket money but even that my mom tries to stop by telling him all kinds of bull******** and when her younger sister comes to London she's becomes a completely different person she's worse. She tells people that I'm lying but three of my friends including my two best friends and my long time friend from primary has seen has she really is. She only values my brother and my old sister sides with her as well so it's like the world is against me and sometimes I can't handle it I've attempted a take on my life twice Boxing Day 2014 and 2015 I've thought of doing it so many times again afterwards no one knows this not even my best friends because I'm embarresed I'm a young black teenager and depression and suicide is not spoken about in the black community and my great Uncle killed himself in the 90's so it's like forbidden in my family I don't want to live here anymore I don't want to be alive the only reason I have not tried again is because my best friends become a majot support system to me and became my sisters and my family in the four and a half years I've known them and they are Angels to me I learnt from them that God puts the most important people in your life when you need them the most and I am grateful for them and everything God has given to me including mu biological family but I can't live with them I've known deep down I've been depressed since I was 7 which is 9 years now I was bullied in primary and when I hit secondary I knew I had to change I had to speak up for myself and those who can't and look the devil in his eyes and tell him straight that things are wrong I want to die but at the sametime I want to live and grow up and be a better mom to my future kids I want to use my mothers mistakes an for better myself. I plan to disown my biological family in the near future my mother has no regard for my health or well being and I believe she loves me but is dead straight set on watching me fail I do not want that for me or my future I want to move out now but no one will hire me so I can't make money and with that I can't rent a flat I have an auntie close to home but it would only bring drama if I went to live with her I practically live in my room now I became a recluse I sleep all day and awake all night I prefer my best friends over my family and they have told me to leave I want to leave for my own safety I want to live not survive. Please if anyone is reading this I need to leave here I want to live this is a cry for help! I think it's in the best interest of the people in this house for me to leave I can not be at peace with myself if wait until I'm 18 I need to leave now I just need help to accomplish it now before I'm kicked out on the streets Please help me
yours faithfully,
A very depressed and distraught girl

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out to us, we know that it takes a lot of courage to share your story. You must be a very strong person to live in such a tense environment. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community-based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis-related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/. You mentioned that you've had prior suicide attempts, you don't have to face this alone. From what you said it sounds like you might be based in the UK, it might be worthwhile to check out https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/ for resources that serve your area.
We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

All the best,
NRS