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I'm done with my mom.

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  • I'm done with my mom.

    Hello. I'm currently 15 years old (a sophomore) in California, I'm also the only child for both my parents. My mom has never been a good mom. When I was 3 years old she sent me to go live with my grandmother (because she was working in a different state and couldn't take care of me at the same time). Apparently I called my grandmother (dad's mom) "mom", and my mom slapped me for it (she was upset I didn't call her mom). I remember being 8 and so frustrated with my life that I wanted to kill myself. However, I was too scared to attempt anything. My mom was a decent mother until I was 10 years old. When I was 10, she started arguing with my dad and his mom a lot. She quit her job and apparently "gave up everything so she could raise me". I've never gotten in trouble in school and have great grades; I feel like my mom only likes me when I achieve something. When I achieve something it reflects good on her, and she loves to brag about it to my grandparents and our extended family. My mom is very complicated as well. Sometimes she tells me how fat I am (I'm 5'4' and weigh 115 lbs) and other times she buys chips for me and tells me she bought them for me because she knew I couldn't have been able to resist it. It's like she expects me to be skinny when we're in front of family, but fat when we're at home so she can feel better about herself. My mother is also insecure. She won't let me wear shorts because she think its inappropriate to wear around my dad (my dad and her are married, but have a very strained relationship).

    My mom also tells me that I'm unemotional, and am very selfish and that I'll never be able to be in a long term relationship. She said so many mean things to me over the years and now I'm very insecure about myself. She also likes to live my life for me. She told me what career I should choose, what colleges I should apply to in the future, what clothes I should wear (I'm in high school and she still picks out clothes for me), what I should do with my hair, when I should date, what type of guy I should date. She is also very strict. I'm not allowed to hang out with friends unless its a long weekend. Everyday after school I'm supposed to come home, and study. That's it. Just study. She doesn't even let me ride my bike or walk to school. I get dropped off in the morning, and picked up in the evening. No exceptions.

    I feel like I should be grateful for what I have and not complain. But my mom has always been emotional abusive, and sometime physically too. Now she doesn't physically abuse me because she knows I protect myself, but before she used to slap me, kick me, pull my hair. Now she just emotionally abuses me, and make me feel insecure.

    On the outside, we seem like a perfect family. Two educated parents, a smart and witty child, a stay at home mom. But we are far from that. My parents argue with each other every day, but won't get a divorce because they think that it'll "spoil my future". Their relationship has taught me nothing other than to not get married and to not trust other people.

    The problem with my mom is that she is lazy and is narcissist. She doesn't have a job, friends, and doesn't do anything every single day other than sit in front of the t.v. and judge other people and make my life miserable. She does all of this, and expects me to respect her and love her.

    The last straw for me was when she said I wasn't allowed to move out for college. She says that she "love me too much and wants to move to wherever I get in." I can't deal with her in my life anymore. I want to go to med school (that's the only thing she and I both agree on). However, my mom said that she'll support me financially throughout college ONLY if I live with her. Then, I'm supposed to go to med school (still live with her). And then I'm supposed to get married at 26 (live with my husband then) and have 2 kids by the age of 30. THEN, I can do whatever I want. My dad understands my need for independence, but doesn't want to argue with my mom and so says nothing to support me. I am ambitious and have a very bright future ahead of me at top universities, but I want to be happy. My question is, how can I become financially independent from my parents when I'm a freshmen in college? I can't be happy with my mom.

  • #2
    Hey there,

    Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It sounds like your mom doesn’t give you much independence and is overly critical. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension. You stated that your mom often calls you “fat” or is critical about the things that you eat, we want you to know that you are beautiful no matter what.

    You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused, mentally, emotionally or physically. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

    It’s great to hear that you are working so hard to achieve your academic goals. That’s definitely something to be proud of. We aren’t legal experts here at NRS but generally speaking once you are 18 you are considered a legal adult and can live where you please regardless of school status. We understand that higher education can be costly and that you rely on your parents for tuition assistance. One thing that you can consider is talking to your school’s (or potential school’s) bursar’s office/financial aid counselor about filing a FAFSA independently.

    If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

    All the best,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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