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I hate my dad and I feel like he hates me

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  • I hate my dad and I feel like he hates me

    I need help but I'm too scared to talk about it to my father. I'm 15 years old and I can't talk to my dad because I'm scared of him. I can't ask my mom to talk to my dad because she'll usually say just go along with my dad and makes sure he not in a bad mood. When I want to do something he always "it's all about you and I gave you all this stuff and your not grateful". He makes fun of me in front of my friends saying I'm "werid" for being picky with my food or don't know how to use chopsticks and when I'm make the smallest mistakes he always called me stupid, worthless, and useless. He always displince me when I was younger for doing something wrong by hurting (slapping, pulling hair, grabbing the closest thing and use it to hit me). He stopped now since it been revealed I had depression but when I'm crying or yelling he would come into my room and pull my hair and yell at me. He always says I'm immature and ask me if I'm 8 years old for crying over how I try to improve my grades. When I ask for help he would get mad at me for being the oldest and I should know how to do stuff. But he would get mad at me if I keep it to myself. I try devlop new interest like acting, costuming designing, cooking but he would end up saying it always about me and never about the family. I try connecting with him by showing intrests by his hobby or getting him involed with my hobbies but he would usually say he not interested or go do it by myself and then he complains about how I end up not hanging with the family. And my grades are at the top of the list. I'm in AP and honors classes and he always says I'm proud of you for joining and always try your best. But when I try my best and fails he'll get angry at me for not paying attention in classes and blame it on my video games. He would get really angry at me for failing and he would tell me for my finals "if you fail you finals I'm going to do something" or "I'll kick you out if you don't passed". I feel like the reason he didn't kick me out yet because he scared of the police. He always give me new things of stuff I want but I WANT TO EARN. But he'll buy it for me and always gulit trip me saying "I bought all this nice things for you and your never grateful". He always says on how negative I am. Whenever I try to impressed him he would go on his phone and say "good job" and when my sister does something he would praise her for doing a good job. His favoritism is noticeable I don't even try. I can't cry in his household because he wouldn't comfort me. He would hit me to stop crying or say I'm werid for crying or call me 8 or 6 years old and I'm crying for my age. He would find every excuse to insult me for being ugly, or too boyish, etc... I can't poperly talk to him because he's a litterly a ticking time bomb of yelling. I always asked for help for something I don't know what to do but he'll get annoyed at me for even asking for help. He'll called me antisocial for not talking to the family who I don't like for being the main victim of being teased and jokes, sleeping on new years eve before the countdown (because my sleeping schedule and my school starting at 7:15 and living far away), and the main reason cause his work. I can't be social for one moment because I have to schedule a date on when to hangout with my friends. I have really bad self-esteem because my mom is not around since of her work and my dad only noting what I did wrong instead prasing on my accomplishments. They are moments when I do want to run away from the family but I know for the fact I can't survive by myself for being 15. He'll always tell don't even try asking your friends for help because they can't. In reality all my friends actually try to help me by seeking professional help and I can't. Because I'm scared leaving my mom behind if i go full details. They are many moments when I think dad would be glad if I died cause I feel like I'm walking disappointment. It slowly opening up because before I would cry if I mention about my dad. But it still closed because he doesn't make an effort to talk or connect with me. The time is usually where do i want to eat, grades, insulting me, taking stuff I rightfully earn, yelling, and always compared me to the past. I want to loved my dad but I can't if he always does this to me.

  • #2
    Hi,

    Thank you for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It is hurtful for your father to treat you the way he has been, to make fun of you for crying or sleeping early on New Year (which just shows how responsible you are). It’s unfair for him to criticize you for failing and play down your successes. Please know that you are amazing! Sometimes when people consistently tell us that we’re disappointments, we start to believe them. It is clear from your message that you are a thoughtful, mature, and intelligent young person. You deserve to have supportive adults in your life. You mentioned that you can’t really talk with your father because he yells. That must be really frustrating. If you ever would like help talking with your dad and having a productive conversation, we are happy to mediate a conversation between you two. You deserve to be lifted up, not put down. It sounds like you do have some great friends who care for you, which is awesome! In the meantime, we encourage you to do whatever you need to do to feel safe, loved, supported, and mentally sound. We’ve listed some resources that you might consider reaching out to below:

    Child Help (aka National Child Abuse Hotline): 1-800-422-4453
    National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): 1-800-950-NAMI

    Thank you again for reaching out. If you ever need resources, someone to mediate a conversation, or just someone to listen, we are here for you 24/7 at 1-800-786-2929. Stay strong and stay safe!

    --NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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