I can't take this anymore

[Guest]

Hi. I'm 16 and I'm living with my little sister and brother. 12 and 8 respectively. We've been under a lot of stress and unhappiness for years due to my mother.

She does what she wants when she wants, she leaves the house a lot. Her job is a night job so that already means I don't see her much. She often leaves me with my siblings and I have to act like the parent. Both of my siblings are messy and make the house unclean, and I have to clean it up myself. I clean, I change my brother's clothes(he's autistic, I have to do a lot of things for him) and everything. But when she goes home from her boyfriend's house for a weekend or even home from work she gets mad and accuses us of being lazy and sitting on our butts all weekend/all day if she finds the smallest flaw in our cleaning, or we forgot to do a small task.

Recently, I told my dad our situation. And he texted her about it. But instead of changing as a person, today, coming back from her boyfriend's for New Years, she came home and got very angry. She told us we were telling him lies. She said that she doesn't care that we don't like being left home and that we should be able to handle it. She called us lazy and that we complain a lot for lazy kids. She's calm now but I feel empty and unloved by her. I do so much and yet I never get any recognition or praise.

I just now realized this is abuse, and this is the reason my depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts won't go away. She keeps fueling them.

This cycle of sadness has been going on since grade school. My grades are low because of it, so I'm afraid I won't get into SCAD like I want. I have low self esteem and I rely on my boyfriend, dog, art, friends and texting my dad for a lot of support since my dad is gone(divorced) and is a trucker.

I want to run away. I have friends with spare rooms that also live a good ways away. But my siblings are stuck. They have nowhere to go. If I left, they'd be stuck with her because my dad has a trucking job(I don't know if he has a house)and I don't want that. I want to protect them from the abuse but I also want to run away. I also have no proof of her verbal attacks. Is there any way I can save them and myself?

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,

Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It sounds like you and your siblings are going through a difficult time right now. It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility at home, and that can cause a lot of stress on you. When your mother leaves you and siblings alone for periods of time that could be neglect. If you wish to report this you may call The Child Helpline at: 1800-422-4453. We know that making a report can be scary sometimes, if you would like help you can call us and we would be able to help you.
We are sorry that you are going through a cycle of sadness. You could consider talking to a school counselor about how you are feeling, sometimes talking to a professional about our feelings could help us feel better. You could also talk to a teacher about possibly being able to get extra credit, or ways that you could make your grades higher. You may also be able to check requirements for getting into SCAD, and see if you will be able to reach the requirements.
It is great that you have those activities and your dad and boyfriend for support. We hope that you keep using those things as a way of support for you.
You mentioned having thoughts of running away. We are not legal experts but running away is a status offense. What that means is that if you were to runaway the police would most likely bring you back home. It is great you want to protect your siblings. Making a report may help your cause. Also you could try and see if you could stay with family or friends, with your mother’s permission.
We hope this information will help you in your situation if you have more questions or would like to talk more please feel free to give us a call, we are here 24/7. We wish you the best of luck, and remember you are not alone.
NRS