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  • I'm ready to leave

    I've spent 2 years of my life writing, fantasizing, and reviewing these plans in my mind over and over again, and now that I've already lost my last straw, I think it's time to see these plans come to fruition. I've collected 1,319 CAD (which is roughly $900 American Dollars) and I've been mapping out train routes along with keeping up with ticket prices. I've spent 6 months studying french and Canadian history. Although I have no ID, passport, or a guardian to assist me with crossing the border, I do have my own hopes that this can go through, I just can't live another day in this place.
    I was born in Mississippi, and ever since I could remember, I've been living under a dysfunctional, abusive roof. I've always lived in the middle of nowhere with no exposure to the city or city life in general, but I know it has to be better than living in this hell. I don't agree with the ideologies, the people, the culture, or anything, all I've been taught living here is to conform or be castout, but this may be a construct of all societies. My dreams have always felt so distant, it feels like I'm living in a prison cell. I've never known any family outside my mother and father, I've never been able to make many friends do to my outlandish stance. In most cases I'm too shy or quiet to say anything to anyone in the first place, which makes me great bait for bullying/harassment from others.
    My father looks only for me to succeed in life but yet he's never here, when he is he's only pressuring me and putting me under a magnifying glass to pick me apart for every flaw. I've been beaten most recently due to receiving a 70 in mathematics. He's an alcoholic and every couple of weeks he has a fallout where he completely loses it on us. I have bruises along my arms and legs from him, and my mother's constant self loathing is just as destructive, as she blames me for many of the things that's happened in her life. I just want to help my mother, but I've never been much of a help to anyone or anything. It just feels like I'm taking up space and in the process making life worse for everyone here.
    So far, I've developed a bit of a plan to reach Toronto, my main piece of transport being the train routes. I'm 13 years old and according to amtrak guidelines, 13-15 year olds can ride without a guardian unless crossing the border, so from the Memphis track I'll have to take two trips with an alibi that I'm "meeting" a relative in the next station. The first trip taking me to Kentucky, then later Michigan or alternatively going from Kentucky to Minnesota so I don't have to deal with having to cross over the great lakes. This depends on where the station is located, though. This will probably be more time/money consuming, but it's the easiest route I know before having to cross the border itself.
    Now let's say that I'm able to cross the border without being caught. When I do get in the city, I'm going to have an entirely new slough of problems, mainly because I don't have any family outside of my mom and dad. Either I'm going to have to pull off some "poor kid on the street" act or start my own life, but I feel like coming up with this entire network of lies prompting my new life outside the US may help.
    I've gotten a new name and alibi, but there's always that chance I'm gonna get caught and get tracked down. I have no idea is there's any law penalties I'll have to face, but I just want to get out of here.
    I'm planning on leaving somewhere during march or April when the weather up north clears up, considering I'll be doing a lot of walking I don't want to freeze halfway. I'd rather die trying than living a life in Mississippi. I've always wanted to experience adventure, it's courageous convictions that drag dreams into existence.
    If there's any flaws that could pitfall me back into my cell, please let me know. I'm going through with this, and personal experience will help me greatly.
    Thanks in advance.

  • #2
    re: I'm ready to leave

    Hey there,

    Thank you for being able to reach out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you have a pretty set plan and are not afraid of what the outcome may be. We are not necessarily here to help youth runaway or to tell youth what to do. Yet, we are here to check for safety and support you in what you feel is best.

    If you do decide to leave and find yourself in an unsafe situation, please feel free to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and we will be more than willing to help you find shelter or try our best to assist you with what it is that you need.

    We wish you the best of luck.

    Stay strong,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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