I'm lost

[LostAndDamned]

I have the supplies and knowledge to run away and survive. I've got my bag packed, and a destination in mind. I can hop a train and be there in a couple hours. I just can't deal with my problems right now, there's too much to deal with at the moment. I struggle with clinical depression, and addiction to several substances, my family has disowned me, my friends left me, and my therapy group thinks I'm a joke, I really need some time to figure it all out. I just don't know what to do. I have done solo survival before, but not longer than a week, I wouldn't leave for more than a year, but I really feel like I have no other options. School has always been a struggle, and going on the better half of my sophomore year, I have no interest in continuing with this life, in the city and suburbs. I'm hoping somewhere out there I'll find myself. I doubt anyone would look for me, and I doubt they would find me anyway. The only problem I find with my plan is what to do when I get back, and that's when I question whether I should. I want to walk the country, see the sights, live MY life. I'd live in the North for the winter, then head West when the snow melts, walking or riding, it doesn't matter to me. I've got nothing to lose, except this old shell of my former self. I can quit what I use, and take what I need, and leave for anywhere. I guess I've always known this is what it would come too, since I was a kid. I haven't told anyone my plan, because I don't want anyone from my old life following me, I need to start anew. I have enough money to make it for a good long while, and enough supplies to live anywhere I end up, but I'm not sure if I can leave this. Granted my family and friends have all left me, but I still I've a cushy life here. I never had much of an affinity for people, but i still need them, they provide funds, and supplies and other things I need, but its easier with people I have no connection with, so the farther I would get, the easier it would be. All the people at school are so dead inside, I can see it in their eyes, and hear it in their idle chatter about pop-culture. I don't want to be one of them, but I'm slowly making my way towards it. I won't make it in this world, so I'm seeking a new one. I don't think I'm the only one that feels this way, I can't be. I need to leave, after Christmas I think I will, If anyone can talk me out of it, please try. I'm lost and in need of finding, whether its by someone else, or myself.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I'm lost

Hello,
Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds like you are in the process of doing a lot of soul searching with part of the process being to run away.
We understand how issues dealing with personal struggles, family, school and social aspects might feel overwhelming.
It’s good that you are reaching out in an effort to express yourself and talk about your plan. Sometimes hearing ideas out loud or seeing them in writing could help put a little more perspective on things. Good job.

If you would like to talk more about your situation NRS is here to listen.
Running away is a big step but it is also important to keep your safety and how you will survive in mind.
You might consider calling 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or try www.1800Runaway.org (live chat).
We can listen and maybe explore options if you’d like.
How does that sound?

We hope to hear from you soon but in the meantime take care.

NRS