i was thinking of running away, here's why

[Guest]

hi
ever since i was little, my life hasn't been so easy. Around the time i was eight, my mom and dad first divorced because my father is a alcoholic. I didn't understand why this was happening to me, all i wanted was my family together. A year od two later, my mom remarried my father and things got worse. In everytime they were married they always fought in front of me and my older sister. It was always about money or my mother cheating in my father (she never did) so one night, he pulled a knife to himself and told my mother to kill him. We went into a alcohol abuse shelter for a month after that. Child Protective Services have been in and out of mine and my siblings life, they never did leave us alone. My mother my brother and i all move into a townhouse with her ex boyfriend while my sister went back to my father. My mother got lots of injuries from her ex, so we decided to move into my aunts house with my aunt uncle and their cats. My brother ever since the second divorce went through has hit kicked cursed and even put the metal part of a shovel to my throat. My family says they never choose favorites but they always choose my brother and only yell at him for hitting me nothing else. They say my borther is perfect, hes so helpful and smart and so perfect but what do they do to me? wow you got a good grade o what's this you got a bad grade we should take your cell phone from you. Why can't you be like your brother? hes helping people. why cant you. I'm tired of it, i went through it with my sister i'm not going through this with him. The only support i felt from is my best friend and boyfriend. My best friend lives in another city and my boyfriend moved outta state but we've held it out by calling and texting.
i don't know what to do. i feel like running away to my boyfriend

[ccsmod6]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

Thanks so much for writing in to the National Runaway Switchboard. We are glad that you chose to open up to us about what is going on in your life. From what you told us, it seem like you have been in a series of unsafe situations—first with your father, then with your mom’s ex-boyfriend, and now with your brother at your aunt’s house. We are concerned for your safety at home if your brother is kicking you and is threatening to hit you with a shovel. You deserve to live in a safe home and be supported and taken care of by your family and it doesn’t seem like you feel like this is happening.

From your post, it sounds like your main concern right now is how your brother is treating you and feeling like your family isn’t on your side. Does that sound right?

It definitely sounds like your brother is mistreating you and, as we said earlier, you don’t deserve to be treated that way. You did mention that your family yells at your brother when he hits you. What happens then? Have you guys been able to talk as a family about this? What do you think might work to stop this from happening? One option that may be available to you is to speak to your CPS caseworker about this. They may be able to set up some family mediation or other services to help your home be a safer place. What do you think about this option? Is there something else you feel like you would want to do or someone else you would want to talk to?

It also really seems to bother you that your family treats your brother like he is perfect and then put pressure on you to be more like him. It is really hard to be compared to your siblings and you certainly deserve to be appreciated for your unique qualities and attributes. What sorts of things do you wish your family would recognize? We are glad that you have your best friend and your boyfriend for support. Even though they don’t live in your city, it sounds like they really care about you and value your friendship. Do you have any other friends in your area that you could spend time with or who could support you?

We are here at 1-800-RUNAWAY for you 24/7. You can call us anytime because there is always someone here. We can help you stay safe and come up with a plan that you feel comfortable with.

Good luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

Ever since i turn sixteen, no one but my mother has been on my side. I have been presseured to be so many thing in my family's eye. They say i do half *** jobs on my chores even though they dn't tel me what's wrong they mainly yell. Of course then there's the behavior on my fmaily. my aunt and uncle do very strage things behind my mother's back, my aunt grabbing my uncle's {edited due to language} then kissing, it's strange bring a virgin at 1 and seeing that. I'm abstinent of course, sex after marriage is my motto. After my brother hits me, my mom or a male would tell him to stop and yet he does it behind their backs. CPS has recommended us o do many things, we went to family counseling when i was little and yet we went out of it and it hasn't worked since. My school counselor hard to believe but she reccomended cps. Back then i didn't want to be taken away from my home but now i don't know. i've been trying to talk to famiy about this but of course they don't know since they allie my aunt and mother. My only best friend lives in a city next to mine, i rarely see her since my family thinks, " i have a negetive attitude because of her ". i've though of suicide too, it's scary since i had family who died that way. I just don't like life. people call me fat, retarded and i just can't stand it

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

i live in michigan as well, i've seen a few options. Is emancipation another answer? I almost ran away a few years ago but then i turned back i don't know anymore

[ccsmod7]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

Thanks so much for writing in again and sharing some more of your story. We are sorry to hear that you are dealing with such a difficult situation at the moment. It sounds like life at home has not been going well for some time now and you are getting really frustrated with the situation. No one should have to deal with being hit or called names, especially in there own homes, and it’s completely understandable that you have had thoughts of leaving. You mentioned that everyone in your family seems to be against you, but that your mom has been a support for you. Do you ever talk with her about the situation or how you have been feeling? Have you spoken with anyone else about the situation or have there been others that have been able to support you during this situation? Now you mentioned that at one time you were going to family counseling but that is no longer happening. Is that something that would be a possibility again? Even if you weren’t able to go all as a family, do you think it would help to speak with a counselor one on one? You mentioned that things have gotten so bad that you have even thought about suicide before? Are you currently feeling suicidal? Is this something you have felt before and have you ever attempted to commit suicide? It sounds like this is a really scary feeling to have, because like you said people in your family have died because of this. Have you told anyone about these suicidal thoughts? If not, do you think you need to talk with someone about it, whether it is with your school counselor, a friend, or perhaps your mom? If it ever gets to the point where you are feeling suicidal and feel like you need some help or someone to talk to you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY because we are available 24 hours a day. Also you could always call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK.

It sounds like you are feeling very unsure of what you want to do in this situation, especially in regards to running away. It’s completely understandable that you are having a hard time knowing what to do, especially during such a difficult situation. You should be very proud of yourself for being able to open up and really trying to look at some different options before deciding whether you are going to leave or not. In your second post you mentioned something about emancipation.
Now we are not lawyers here so we are not able to give specific legal advice. From the information we have, in the state of Michigan, if a youth wants to look into emancipation you must file a petition in the Juvenile Unit-Family Division of the Circuit Court in the county where you reside. Now this is a court procedure and it can often times take a long time to go through with. Also courts will often times look at whether a youth can support themselves without the help of there parents and where they are planning on living. If you wanted more information you would most likely have to talk with your area circuit court. Now if you ever wanted some more specific resources, like the circuit court in your area, you can always give us a call and we would be happy to look up any resource you may need. Also if you just need to talk about the situation we are here to listen and talk about options as well. In the meantime take care and stay safe, and remember that we are always here if you need us.

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

I have talked to friends and family members about suicide, they just yell at me saying, " NO! DON'T DO IT! YOU WANNA GIVE UP YOUR LIFE THAT EASILY?!?!?" I've talked with my mom before, of course she is sometimes so busy with work, i think she ignores me sometimes. it upsets me sometimes because i hate when people raise their voice or yell at me, it reminds me of when my parents arguing. Just a few days ago my uncle yelled at me because i was making hot chocolate and thought i was ignoring him but in reality i wasn't, i was trying to make sure i didn't burn my hands and fingers. My boyfriend has been a support to me and so has my cat, they love me at least. I've recently thought of suicide but then again i'm too much of a chicken to slice my arms of try to breath in carbon monoxide because of the family history. I don't know how to handle certain situations at some times, i know smoking or drinking isn't the answer and stealing and getting into trouble is wrong. My mother at times does listen though, when it's just me and her. She usually after that has a arguement with whoever upsetted me so i usually keep to myself. I tried opening up to my english teacher since she's very nice but of course she has no flexible time for us to talk. The only way, i figured that i get rid of stress is singing and drawing anime which i'm retty good at. Of course teachers don't understand that at times when i'm done with my work that i will draw to distract myself from those thoughts, they just think i'm wasting time. Sometimes my life is so confusing, i wonder if it can get any better then it is. My boyfriend has told me that he will be around, thick and thin and that one day him and i will be married and my life will become better.
thanks for listening

[ccsmod0]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

We are glad that you have been able to reach out to friends, family and even your English teacher about feeling suicidal. It sounds like it could be really frustrating that you are trying to talk to your mom and feeling ignored. Do you think if you tell your mom or English teacher that you have something important to talk about it would help? It is good that you sometimes are able to have some one-on-one times with your mom though. You had mention that your mom has argument with the person that upset you. Have you talk with her about how that makes you feel? It can be hard to bottle things up, especially when it sounds like you trust your mom. We’re sorry that your uncle yelled at you. We agree with you that being yelled at by someone is upsetting. It sounds like your boyfriend is a positive support for you along with your cat.

It sounds like you have a lot of going on at home and it is stressful for you. You have some positive way of managing and coping with it though. It is great that singing or draw works for you! Do you think it would help to talk to the teachers about why are you are drawing? Life can sometimes be confusing, but it is good that you know that drinking, smoking or stealing might only bring on more problems. You’re not a “chicken” for not cutting or breathing in carbon monoxide. Suicide is very serious and it seems like you have also thought of other options. You have a lot of strengths and it is good to hear that you know that life can get better.

If you want some more information regarding suicide you can call 1800-273-TALK or view their website: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

You mention that you are from Michigan. Here is a website that is directly related to resources that may also be helpful: http://suicidehotlines.com/michigan.html.

We are a completely confidential and non-judging crisis line. You can call us at
1-800RUNAWAY (783-2929) to talk a little bit more about how you are feeling or anything else. You are welcome to call us here at anytime and whenever you feel comfortable. We look forward in hear from you!

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

i can't take it anymore! im tired of this bull!! T.T my brother has hit me for the last time, i wanna get away from here!!! my aunt yelled at me and called me a uncontrollable spoiled whiny brat who bends people to her will. i'm not like that!!!!! why do they hate me!!!!????!!!! i need help

[ccsmod1]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

We're so sorry to hear that things haven't gotten any better at home. It sounds like you're fed up with how you're treated by both your aunt and your brother. You wrote that you needed help. It seems from all our other replies that we've reached our limit on how we can help via the bulletin boards. If you're willing and able, please call our confidential hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY to speak further about what's going on with one of our crisis liners. We'd be happy to talk to you about how you're feeling, what options are out there for you, and assist you with coming up with a safe plan of action that you're comfortable with. By calling us directly we'd be able to answer any questions or concerns you have and talk through the pros and cons of each option. Keep in mind that it's a toll-free number and we're 100% confidential and anonymous. Remember, you're not alone in all this. We look forward to hearing from you.

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

well im 17 and my bday is jan 26 and i take my drivers test jan 07 but my mom is judgemental and judges my girlfriend i love my girl so much and my parents said im grounded till 18 and my girls bday is this friday im sick and tired of my parents doin this im almost 18 cant that count for somethin if i runaway i dont want to b in a sheter or ruin my life more i just wanna see my girl i have ppl i can stay ith thats no problem and i do wanna fiish school and get my license i need help before i kill myself

[ccsmod7]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

Thanks so much for writing in. It sounds like your dealing with a really difficult situation at the moment and are unsure of how to handle things. It seems like the biggest cause for distress is the fact that your parents don't approve of your girlfriend. How long have you been dating your girlfriend? Have your parents ever said why they have issues with her? Have they even met her before? Have you ever sat down and spoken with them about how you feel about your girlfriend and how it makes you feel when they speak badly of her? Is there a reason that your parents don’t like her, have they ever given a specific reason? Do you think it would help if you brought your girlfriend over to the house so they could formally meet her and get to know her better? Perhaps if they got to know her better they would understand why you like her so much and start to like her as well? Is that something you have ever discussed with your girlfriend or your family? It sounds like a really frustrated situation and it’s never easy when your family doesn’t approve of someone you really care about. You said that you want to go to your girlfriend’s birthday on Friday but technically you are grounded. What do you think your parents would do if they found out you left? Is there any chance you can speak with them and have the night off?

It’s understandable how upset you are feeling about this situation and unsure of what you want to do. A few things that you mentioned in your post are that you have thought that you want to runaway. You mentioned having a friend you could stay with, how long do you think you could stay with them? What do you think your parents would do if they found out you left?
Another thing you said is that you need help before you kill yourself. Is this an option you have actually considered? Are you currently feeling suicidal? Have you ever tried to commit suicide before? How do you think your girlfriend or your family would react if you killed yourself? Have you told anyone about the feelings you are having? A friend, counselor, or teacher? These are not easy feelings to deal with and it takes a lot of courage to open up and be able to talk about them. If you ever get to the point where you are feeling suicidal and need to speak with someone you can always call the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK. Also, if you need to speak more in depth about the situation that you are dealing with you can always give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. We are a completely confidential hotline and there is someone here 24 hours a day to listen, discuss options, and even find resources in your area if needed. We are always here to listen if you need someone to talk to. In the meantime stay safe and take care.

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

no i dont have the guts 2 kill myself i dont want to go to a shelter i just have to leave cuz if i dont i wont see my girl just 48 days till im 18 cant that count for something? i got a great job i live in NJ i hope i can leave

[Guest]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

i knewmy gf for a long time we started datin oct my parent think i love her 2 much

[ccsmod1]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

It’s good to hear that you’re not really going to kill yourself. It’s a very serious thing, because it’s permanent. It seems that you’re just really frustrated at the whole situation. It sounds like you’re wondering if because you’re so close to 18, if that “counts” for anything. In most states, it’s up to the local police department’s discretion on what to do with 17 year old runaways. Many consider youth a runaway up to the day they turn 18 and will return them home if found. Some consider youth a runaway at 17, but don’t make them return home. Even fewer, allow youth to leave at 17 and don’t consider them runaways. We’re not sure what the laws are in NJ specifically. The best way to find out this information is to talk to local law enforcement, since they’re the ones that enforce the laws.

From all you wrote, it sounds like you’re having a hard time dealing with being grounded and away from your girlfriend until you turn 18. We hope you’re able to find ways to cope with this and get through the next 48 days. Remember, you’re not alone.

At this point, we’ve gone as far as we can via the bulletin boards. If you’d like to talk further about this situation and other possible options, we’d love to talk to you through our crisis hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY. Remember, we’re completely confidential and anonymous Call anytime, day or night. Best of luck to you.

[ccsmod1]

Re: i was thinking of running away, here's why

You're welcome. Hope everything works out. If you do leave, just remember you can always call from a payphone.