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  • Family Issues. (Warning: It is really long)

    Hello,

    I am a 15 year old girl living in Texas. I come here seeking help on the best way to improve my life before I revert to such things as running away. I will to show you my evolution from an innocent little girl to a rebellious teenager. In effort to provide a full understanding of the current situation I will describe my family issues starting with childhood:

    I was born to both parents in college. Both of my biological parents we more into the party life rather than the responsible lifestyle. However their life paths switched directions once they had me. While my mother remained to her current lifestyle, my dad took on me and all the responsibilities I came with. As he later told me in life, "If i didn't have you I wouldn't have made it through college."

    My biological parents later got married, but this was short lived. My parents got divorced when I was 2. From then on I stayed with both parents for 2 weeks each, until I turned 6. My dad worked hard to give me the perfect life, and all we had were each other. Those physically there, my mother was emotionally distant. I have many vivid memories from that age, of which were not all pleasant. My mother was an alcoholic and drug addict. She however had a boyfriend, one I had much resent for my entire childhood but never truly knew why I disliked him. Later in life I found out, which was reveled to me by a psychologist, that he molested me as a child and the event was so traumatic that my brain blocked me from those memories. He is currently in jail for other reasons.

    At age 6 my dad went to court and took all custody from my mother, who was at the time unfit. He now holds all legal custody of me. My mom moved to a far away state, and rarely called and never visited from then on. However my dad didn't raise me on his own. He remarried to my step-mother. This is where my most recent problems root from.

    Since I can remember, I have never liked her. Unfortunately my dads job required him to be away often, and this left me alone with her most of the time. Ever since 8 she gave me daily chores, quite a bit of them to and pretty unreasonable. I however learned to shut up and do what I was told out of fear. By the age of 10 if I din't do exactly what she told me she would yell at me, and at that age it was enough to make me cry. However, it didn't take long for me to become numb and used to yelling. It angered her to see me stare strait back at her without a sign of emotion in my eye, she called it the "evil look." Every time she did something she justified it by saying I gave her this "evil look." Whenever she would yell and I just stared back, she would become violent. Her spurs of violence most often included grabbing my arm and digging her nails into it unlit it bled (most made scars) or ramming me against the wall and choking me (never enough to do major harm.) After a while I started telling my dad, who threatened to leave her if she touched me again. At this point the violence stopped, but her recurring anger only turned verbal.

    I skipped and important part of my life: my siblings. I only have half siblings, but I love them all dearly. My dad and step-mother had two boys (the first one when I was 7, the second one when I was 9.) My mother had a girl and a boy both with different fathers. My brother from her was born when I was 7, and my sister when I was 10. My mother still remains an irresponsible drug addict, even when raising them.

    My brothers from my father got everything from the items to the attention. The rarely get in trouble, and they are happy. I hold no resentment to them for those reasons because it is not their fault. My siblings from my mother were not that lucky. My brother (from my mother) is abused (both physically and emotionally) by my sisters father, and abandoned by his own. I hate my sisters father he beats my mother and brother, sparing only my sister. My mother got a Restraint Order against him, but currently disregards it and still allows him over. My brother has no
    one, and has many mental (though not severe) disorders. My sister has other family though, and is doing relatively okay.

    Nowadays, at 15, I am pretty f*cked up. My past left me very isolated and untrusting. At school I am reserved though I have quite a few friends and little enemies (I strive to be a peaceful person, I have enough problems I don't need to add more.) I guess I hang out with the "stoners", but they are the realest people I know. The people I hang out with relate to my past and current situations in some way. My analytical personality allows me to see situations as they are, and to some it makes me appear "wise" so friends often come to me for advice (how ironic) I am told I am beautiful, but i look in the mirror and am disgusted. I look in my eyes and see the reflection of everything I have been through. I guess eyes filled with pain can only see pain. If you haven't figured it out I am clinically depressed. I have really bad ADHD. I have also been diagnosed with PTSD from my past. Don't worry I am prescribed medicine for it all.

    I am pretty out of control in my parents eyes. My dad always being at work and my step-mother that is verbally abusive, has really thrown me off. I am stressed from Advanced Placement classes at school, my inner self issues, and family issues. My arm is very scared from cutting as a means to relieve some of my emotional pain (truthfully physical pain is so much easier to deal with.) Instead of fixing the actual problem my dad keeps trying to fix me, he said if i cut again I am going to the mental hospital (nah, I will pass on that place). I got really close to suicide once, I wrote a note and everything. However, I was stopped by the thoughts of my siblings, but mostly my brother (from my biological mother.) I take advanced classes and work hard for him, I stayed alive for him, and I try all for him. I cannot let him turn out like me, so I make good grades so I can get into a good college and provide a life for him. I plan to adopt my brother as soon as I am of legal age to raise the rest of his life with me so he will have a chance. I guess everyone has motivation.

    But through that long story (sorry for that), I came here to ask how to get out of this situation. As I have told you I have to stay alive, stay in school, and improve my life so I can get out of this mess. I cannot handle being scared of coming home because I don't know what mood my step-mother will be in. I don't want my dad to leave her though, I would hate for my brothers (from my dad) to grow up in a split home. I have spoken to both my dad and step-mother about my feelings (which was really hard), and little has changed. I have been to family members, counselors, psychiatrists, and psychologists and little has changed. I have even used drugs and drinking to get my mind off of everything, but this type of relief is only temporary. The only resort I have seems to be leaving or running away. If I run away though I can't leave school because I have to keep my grades up. It seems I have tried everything and nothing has changed.

    What can I do? Because no matter how rude, condescending, mean, offensive, or hurtful my step-mother is, I cannot defend myself, "Because a child should respect and adult no matter if the child thinks they deserve respect or not." If I do stand up for myself I get punished, this is an ending cycle of hell that I won't ever get out of until I graduate. What do I do? Please this is my last result. Anything helps, Thank You. (I did not proof read sorry for mistakes)

  • #2
    re: Family Issues (Warning: It is really long)

    Hello,

    We’re glad you reached out to us to talk about your family issues. What you describes sounds like a very difficult situation that has been going on for a long time. It sounds like you’ve tried many different things to make your situation better – talking with your dad and step-mom, counselors, psychiatrists, etc. – but that that you feel like nothing has really changed. We’re sorry to hear this.

    It’s great that you are thinking about your brother and want to help him. It sounds like this helps you stay focused on your goals and be resilient through difficult times. He is very lucky to have you in this life.

    When young people want to leave home and aren’t sure where to go, we discuss a few different options with them:

    1. Living with other family members
    2. Living with friends
    3. Living in a youth shelter

    A youth shelter is a group living situation for young people (usually under 18 or under 21) who have run away from home, have been kicked out, or are homeless. The shelter is free and is staffed 24-hours a day with people who work with youth to meet their goals (complete high school, go to college, get a job, etc.).

    In any of these situations, it’s best to get permission from your legal guardian (your dad) to live in these places. So, consider which family or friends your dad would feel comfortable with you staying with. Many shelters also require parental permission to stay there – the staff are trained on how to talk with parents about letting their kids stay at the shelter.

    If you don’t have permission from your dad but decide to move in with family or friends, there is a risk that he may get the police involved. Without permission, your dad may press charges against these people for “harboring a minor” (since you’re under 1 and they could get into trouble with the law.



    Also, we’re sorry to hear that you’ve thought about suicide and have cut yourself. Your situation is very difficult, but please know that you are not alone. There are people who can help. If you ever need resources or to talk with someone about how you are feeling, please consider calling the National Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK or check out their website at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org. You can get resources and support for people who self-harm at www.twloha.com.

    If you’d like to talk about these options in more detail, find a youth shelter near you, or explore other ways you think we can help you, please call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can even just call to talk about what’s going on at home. Good luck!
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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