No announcement yet.

Unsure what to do in a neglectful situation?

  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Unsure what to do in a neglectful situation?

    I'm sorry for rambling, I don't commonly post things like this.

    I am a 16 year old female, soon to be 17 and live in North Carolina in a small house with my 8 younger siblings, step mother, and father. I don't really talk to my mother because she lives across the U.S. and she can be emotionally and physically abusive to me. I do not enjoy living at my house, it feels like I have no privacy, and I am constantly mocked by my family for everything. I feel like I can't stand it sometimes. I really can't talk to anyone in my family about it, and the only place I feel alright is when I'm at school of work.

    My step mother is nice to me, and she is very understanding of how I feel sometimes, others she is not, and she is very stubborn in her ideas. For example, she does not accept of me being agnostic, and any chance that she gets she tries to push her religion on me, and tells me I'm going to go to hell. She also will not let me move out when I turn 18, she says I have to wait until graduation which is months after that (in our state it says a person can move out at 18 or when they graduate high school, whichever comes first). She also questions and critisizes every carrer choice I have thought about, making me change to a new one. I wanted to be an english teacher, a mortician, a nurse; everything I have chosen she has pursuaded me to change. Then she also tells me that I have no work ethic, which both my boss and teachers I have had for years can tell you its fine. I starting to get tired of fighting her about every little thing in my life. I have told her I wanted to leave our house and that I wanted to see a consult because sometimes I feel like I am going mad and I am depressed and need someone unrelated to us to talk to. Every time we have this conversation (fairly often) she laughs in my face, calls me an idiot, and says I don't need help. Which is why I have begun to think of running away.

    I do not have a good relationship with my father either. He's very distant from me, which he was not like until we moved to the state we currently are in. He constantly is trying to get away from our family, he works more than he has too (3am-6pm) when he is paid the same either way, and he gets weekends off but always seems to leave the kids with my step mother or me for hours. It seems like most recently the only emotion he has show to me is anger and frustration. He gets mad at me for everything I do, even if done correctly. He makes me babysit every day so he can work, and I make dinner for the kids. He will yell at me if he doesn't see anything that he can feed to the toddler (he is at daycare all day and he picks him up on the way home from work) even though I always save something he will and can eat for dinner. This Thanksgiving I took three days off of work and my father yelled at me for hours about it. I took the days off of work to spend time with my grandparents and family, and I ended up working that weekend anyways doing house work for a neighbor. He doesn't seem to want a part of my life, he hasn't attended any of my chorus concerts, or art shows once, and doesn't apologize to me when he knows its clearly hurt me. He is overly controlling of my bank account also, even though he is not on my bank account he wants to check it constantly. I only spend money on clothes when I need them, and things I work up to for a long time. He complains and confiscates my debit card when I spend over what he thinks is alright which changes very often. I need new clothes now and again, and also need to purchase new work uniforms every few months (I wear white and khaki which are easily stained at work [bleach will not take these out]), he yells and says I don't need new uniforms and clothes, when in reality I'm wearing tattered clothing that I got 5-6 years ago, and my boss says our uniforms can't look nasty and stained. So I am left here with no money, my boss complaining, and old ratty clothing.

    Both of my parents clearly favorite their children. When I lived with my mother she would only physically and emotionally abuse very few of us, and it was easy to tell whom out of us she liked better, my father is the same. He likes the same children (a brother and a sister) as she did. My brother had gotten in trouble for the same thing I did and I was grounded for 3 months while he was not. He was able to go partying and everything while I had to do chores, etc. At home. I have one person that I talk to, my boyfriend, because of social problems I have with people. I am overly cautious in who I talk to and become close to, and I am fairly shy when it comes to talking to people. He knows about my problem as do his parents and have been willing to help me out. He has some issues with my parents as well, and both of our parents bicker a lot about each other. My parents don't always like me hanging around him, even though he is a very polite, friendly person. It's more because of his parents.

    My siblings are very mean and harsh to me, they continuously say I am mean, that they hate me, I am ugly, etc. I guess siblings can act like this in other families as well, but they are always like this with me. They don't compliment me, and rarely say anything positive about me. The brother my father favorites has an anger management problem as does another of my sisters, causing them to get mad at something little, and lash out in physical violence. I have been hit by both of them in the past, and will lock myself in rooms to get away from them. I am constantly afraid of when they will next have a fit, and become mad again. Sometimes they will run out of the house and into the neighborhood and hide somewhere for hours and come back when they're okay, so then I do not have to hide for so long, but have to call my father to come home from work to find them. In which case he yells at me, and puts blame on me for it.

    This summer, my boyfriend will be getting an apartment next to my school with one of his friends, he asked me if I wanted to move in, and I asked my step mother and she swore at me and told me no. With all three of us working we will be able to pay bills fairly easy and because I get my license in February, I will be able to transport myself to and from work (I will be working torwards getting a car during now and this summer). My boyfriend and his friend are very good with finances and are willing to teach me how to be able to deal with my money. I am able to cook, and I believe I am capable of functioning as a self sustaining person, but I am afraid if I leave and try to live with my boyfriend my parents will have the police come to arrest him (he is a year and a half older than me), his friend (same age), and bring me home. I don't want him and his friend to be charged for anything and I really don't want to have to deal with police and all of that (I get very uncomfortable and anxious when there is conflict going on). The only way my parents would let me live with him, would be if I got pregnant, my parents have told me this before, and legally in the state of North Carolina it is almost an automattic emancipation from my family if I wanted to be emancipated. (We have talked about this, and we simply are too immature and financially unready for a child)

    What I am trying to say I guess is that, sometimes I don't feel like my parents want me here, and that they don't care about me and try to understand me. They're very harsh on me, and critisize my life and personality, they don't show up for any of my activities yet have time for other kids. I've become depressed from living in my current situation, and the only way I see fit is to run away, which I don't want to do because I want to finish school, and get some sort of higher education. I have thought about getting emancipated from my parents but do not know if I can afford the court & lawyer costs, I also am not sure how my family would react to that. I have also thought about just moving out this summer, but I don't want to be pulled back to my house.

    Please help me, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I have no idea what to do anymore and I cannot live with my current living situation.

  • #2
    re: Unsure what to do in a neglectful situation?

    Hey there,

    There seems to be a lot going on in your house where you live now. You mentioned having your step mom discouraging your career ideas all of the time, your dad not really showing you he cares, problems with your siblings, and lots of responsibility to take care of your younger siblings. That sounds like you have a lot on your plate to deal with! Especially since you have your own things going on in your life. You mentioned that you do have some support with your boyfriend which is great! It can be tough to go through these things alone and we are glad you have someone you can trust.

    We understand that you want to help her to get away from her parents. Here at NRS we are non-directive, so anything you both decide is up you. Being that she you are 16, in most states you are considered a minor so if you leaves you could be taken back home and your boyfriend and his friend could possibly be charged with harboring a runaway. You may want to check with your local police or legal aid resources to see what they recommend. They are the experts. You may want to consider a backup plan in case the ones you have do not work out.

    You sound like a very responsible and thoughtful young person. We want to help in any way we can, if you need to contact us please do so. For further support, you are welcome to contact us directly at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929), and look forward to your call. Lastly, please note that we offer a live chat via our website at every day from 4:30p to 11:30p CST.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


    Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
    Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
    or Allowed Filetypes: jpg, jpeg, png, gif, webp