How can I get me and my sister away from my emotionally and verbally abusive mother?

[Guest]

I am a 15 year old from California, and i recently came out as trans male to my friends about a year ago. I came out to my mum in march and she lost her mind. She said I was gonna cost her money in hormones and therapy when I never asked her to do either of those things, and she said it was a phase and she refuses to allow me to present male to anyone we know. I cant get a job (and she yells at me for not having one) because she said she'll make sure i don't tell my boss that im transgender, and if i did shes cut off computer priveledges. She actually recently made me do online school and isolated me and called me a deadbeat when SHES the reason i cant leave. I have recordings of her constant screaming. She complains and yells average about 8 times a day. I'm scared to call cps because i dont want to lose my stuff, like my computer and art supplies because its my only escape. I just feel stuck. My self esteem has lowered to nothing for being called fat and stupid. She just now said i'm no longer allowed to eat until I have straight As in school, and she wont help me. I wanna tell my dad but she controls his every move. I've had dreams about killing her and myself alot. I used to kill small animals when i was little even. I'm contemplating suicide as we speak and i just want me and my little sister to have a good life. Please help. I have plenty of evidence to be taken away.

[ccsmod2]

Thank you so much for reaching out. It sounds like you're going through a really tough time right now, but you aren't alone in this. We are here to listen to you and help you. You are valid in your identity. You deserve to be supported and you deserve to be able to present how you want. It was very brave of you to come out to your mom and it's unfortunate that she has responded in the way that she has. you deserve better.

You're not getting the support you want from from your mom and it's important that you feel supported, even if it is not possible to get that support from her. This could mean reaching out to friends, extended family, a school counselor, teacher, therapist or another adult you trust. We are always here to talk over the phone at 1800RUNAWAY. There is also the Trevor Project which is a suicide lifeline for LGBTQ youth. You are not alone in this and there are people willing to help you. You deserve a good life.

Being isolated and cut off from the outside world can feel crushing, but there are actions you can take to try to improve your situation. We would be happy to discuss specific option with you over the phone or on chat. You can find out what rights you have from a legal aid resource, file an abuse report (the recordings will really help with that!), or even find a counselor. And if you are worried about your stuff once you file an abuse report, generally CPS lets you take your things, but we can always help you figure that out by calling CPS on your behalf. We can call out to agencies for you and to the police if you want.

Thank you again for reaching out and feel free to do so again at anytime.