Am I overreacting? I feel so trapped at home

[Unregistered]

I'm 15 and I hate that I feel like running away is my only option. I don't want to run away because I want to stay in school and go to college, but home is unbearable. The things my parents say and expect out of me hurts me so much. It's gotten worse over the past few months since I started high school. My dad is the main issue. He constantly yells at me and thinks I'm retarded or lazy even though I go to a school for advanced students and work very hard. His parents were verbally and physically abusive to him and my mom uses that as an excuse for when he yells and curses at me. Sometimes mom tries to defend me but she only gets us yelled at more. The only person who knows about my home life (and not even to the full extent) is my friend who has offered shelter and assistance in running away but I don't want her to get in trouble. I guess what I'm saying is am I being emotionally/verbally abused? My dad has caused me to suffer anxiety and depression. When we "talk" it ends up with me having an intense panic attack and him yelling at me more to get it together and stop being so sensitive. I struggled with depression for most of the summer and some of last year. I had times when I couldn't get out of bed, and just laid there crying, but my mom would yell at me for being lazy and weak. She guilt trips me because she had open heart surgery when she was 12 and is the longest living person with her condition, so she thinks anyone who complains about depression is weak and lazy because it's not a "real" disease. I know I am not overreacting, but I know that there are thousands of kids who suffer with abuse 10x worse than mine, so I almost feel guilty that I feel this way. I can't run away because of the repercussions it will have on my future. But, would child services would land my sister (8 years old) in foster care or could she stay with family while I go to foster care? We are adopted (not biologically related) so would we be sent back to our birth parents if they want us? sorry, don't know the rules of that. I feel so trapped because I have no good options. Thank you

[ccsmod16]

Re: Am I overreacting? I feel so trapped at home

Hi,

Thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I imagine it must be really frustrating to feel anxious in your own home. It's really unfortunate that your dad says such hurtful things to you. It sounds like you are a really good student, and that you are putting a lot of effort into your eduction. Good for you! I'm sorry that it sounds like your mom isn't able to be very supportive of you. It seems like her experience with her own illness really shaped her outlook on things. Mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety are definitely very real problems, and they are just as real as any other illness. It sounds like you are very aware of your mental health, which is great. Have you ever considered some type of counseling? Maybe there is a counselor at your school that you could talk to. We would also be happy to provide you with some counseling resources in your area. There are even online counseling services that might be useful to you. You don't have to feel guilty for feeling this way--everyone's experience is different, and your problems are valid. If you feel that you are unsafe at home, calling Child Protective Services is definitely and option we could explore. We're not legal experts here, so I can't say what the status would be with your biological parents. However, we'd be happy to help you find ways to find the answers. If you want to give us a call, we are available 24/7. We'd be happy to talk about all of the issues that you're going through. Feel free to call us anytime at 1800Runaway.
Take care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Reply

Thank you. Yes, I was in counseling for something that happened when I was younger for a few months about a year ago, but my parents pulled me out because she kept telling my mom that they were the reason I was feeling like this and that she was borderline going to call cps. I had a great school counselor last year who I became very close with, but it seems like the guidance counselers at my current school are more for researching college options and such. I feel like going back to a counseler would really help, and ironically my parents threaten to call a phycologist but have never actually done so. They look at it as a punishment. During my bout of depression it was my normal doctor who suggested we consider depression as the culprit after they ran every test for any diseases that could cause me to feel that way. Also, would I be able to discuss further in the live chat option when it is up, because calling is out of the question since my dad checks the phone bill and would see the number? Again, thank you so much

[ccsmod3]

Re:Am I overreacting? I feel so trapped at home

Hello again,

No problem, we’re glad you found our response helpful. It sounds like counseling was helpful and we’re sorry your parents pulled you out of it. You shared the counselor was going to borderline call CPS so seems like there may be abuse as well. If that’s the case we’re very sorry you’re having to deal with that on top of depression.

Not that it’s a replacement for counseling, but the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance offers a free wellness tracker app you might find helpful in the meantime. You can find more information here: http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/Page...llness_tracker.

Lastly, you are more than welcome to try our Live Chat when it’s open to continue talking about your situation. Or, you could wait and call once you’re able to borrow a phone. Hopefully that helps and best of luck!