I want to understand teenagers better and help if I can.....

[Unregistered]

I am the aunt of a 16 year (in Oct) old boy who over the past year has become increasingly defiant and disrespectful towards his parents. He is angry and seems to be also at times struggling with depression. Parents have found out he has been lying, triangulating parents/grandparents, and is in unhealthy relationship. He took two drug tests over the past few months and they indicated he was clean. Parents are seeking psychiatric help and counseling for him but they are not sure if he is honest with the therapist. He has run away but then returned home. My nephew recently admitted he was angry at his mother and father for being too hard on him and overly critical at times. I know they expect a lot of him and are both high achievers. They can be verbally harsh at times but not cruel or abusive. The parents have also in my opinion been too permission in regards to allowing him to have a steady girls friend, his own truck, cell phone, unrestricted internet access, etc. Parents have been trying to do better in how they speak to him and respond to his age typical mistakes but nephew now says he just wants to be left alone and do what he wants to do. When they try to hold him accountable for his poor choices/behavior and defiance he threatens to run away or hurt himself. The last few days have been okay but everyone is walking on eggshells.

[ccsmod4]

Reply: I want to understand teenagers better and help if I can

Hello, Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

It sounds you are a very carrying and concerned aunt. A situation such as this can become quite stressful for an entire family.
How are you doing? Self-care is very important sometimes just talking about a problem can relieve some of the tension. Your nephew seems to be acknowledging what it is that makes him upset with his parents. Is he confiding in you? It sounds like things have been quiet for the past few days although there is an issue of feeling of the climate feeling uncomfortable.
It sounds like the parents are looking into some counseling options. It’s great that they are taking initiative towards working on the situation.

It is important that your nephew wants the opportunity to sit down with a counselor to talk about issues that are important to him.
Counseling could be a way for all the three of them to work on communicating with one another more positively. What do you feel about it?
Let us know if we can be of help with trying to locate services in your area for individual/family counseling.
Just give us a call at 1-800-Runaway or live chat with NRS at www.1800-Runaway.org
If you would like to talk more about how the situation is affecting you we are here to listen.

We appreciate you reaching out to NRS and you can pass our information on to your relatives.
We hope that things get better for all involved.

Take Care,
NRS

[Unregistered]

Any teens want to share what they need in a crisis?

Thank you NRS. I appreciate the support and guidance. You provide a good service here. I wonder if there are teens that could be able to say what they need from adults when they are in crisis. We do not know how to get through to my nephew. On one hand we want to be compassionate but he is also holding the family hostage emotionally. What does it take to break through the anger? He thinks we don't understand him but we actually do because we were teenagers too. Yes, his parents have been hard on him at times and he can't do what ever he wants but he has truly been loved, given good care and had many advantages and positive experiences that many other teens have not had. So I feel in some ways he is being selfish. How do we get though to him and see that the adults in his life only want what is best for him so there will be rules and restrictions? I understand there are no easy answers. The parents are going to have to make some tough decisions and make an effort to make changes too and get outside help. I have a letter to send to my nephew that is both supportive and direct about his need to take ownership. Other than this I guess all I can do is pray for them.

Thanks for listening.....

[ccsmod1]

RE:Any teens want to share what they need in a crisis?

Thanks for reaching out to us for help. We are here to listen and support you however we can. It sounds like you are looking to help your nephew through a really difficult time. You mentioned that he has a lot of anger, and might be lacking in perspective of how his actions are affecting others. That sounds very frustrating and we are glad to hear you want to really understand what he is going through. It sounds like you plan to send your nephew a letter. We are grateful for your post inviting teens to share what they need from adults. It sounds like you are really trying to figure out how best to reach your nephew. If you want to talk about your plan, you can always give us a call to talk any time. You can also pass our number along to your nephew as well. We are looking forward to hearing from you, and wish you the best of luck!