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Don't know what to do anymore...

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  • Don't know what to do anymore...

    So essentially I'm here to complain about my f**** up life and HOPEFULLY get some kind of advice, but first things first I guess you'll need some background. My entire life it's just been me and my parents. Both my mom and my dad had issues with their families so I never really got a relationship with my aunts or uncles, grandmas or grandpas. But I had my parents and when I was little, that was enough. My dad had a high school diploma, and my mom got her G.E.D and they had me when they were twenty. And one problem with having parents so young was that they would argue. A lot. And when I was little it made me feel lost. I got along with them, we were all a family, why couldn't we just be happy? Did I do something wrong? Was this my fault? Little did I know things would only get worse. The older I got the more I noticed them argue and sooner or later I became the outlet for my mom's frustration. I guess she had my best interests in mind but I grew up being told I was a failure or a disappointment whenever I did something wrong. When I'd have no plans for the weekend and stay at home I'd be told I was a loser, and it's no wonder nobody likes me. And when I got to be around 10 I gave up on trying to be happy and found my escape in staying up all night playing video games and eating junk food. Around this time my mom got pregnant and I was expecting a baby brother, but he died in the womb, which only made everyone even more bitter. So I went on in life, maybe two friends, staying up all night every night, and eating nothing but cake and chips, and eating soda. So it's no wonder I became obese around the age of 12. So by this time my parents fought almost every day, my mom would take her frustrations out on me, and I was overweight, lonely, and felt like I was worth nothing. Like I had no purpose. H***, my own mom didn't like me how could anyone else? So around the time I turned 13 my mom got pregnant again and I became a big brother, and for a while everything seemed on the up and up. Until it wasn't, and I was forced to comfort my crying baby brother as my parents screamed at each other every night. So now I'm about 14 and I'm sick and tired of being a fat, lonely, loser, and decide the only way I can lose weight is to stop eating entirely. So I'd starve myself for a day or two, and eat nothing but fruits and vegetables, and before long I had another problem, I was underweight. But at this point I'm feeling pretty good, and before long I gained a bit of weight, started working out gained some muscle. And all this really helped with my confidence, but no matter what I do it's impossible to do anything without hearing my mom's voice in my head, telling me what a loser I am, or how I'm worthless, or don't matter. So I took up drinking. But nontheless I pushed on and this pretty much brings me to where I am today. For a while things seemed to be going great, I was pretty confident, and even got a girlfriend who is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me, she helped me quit alcohol, and I feel happier around her than anyone else. But at the same time it's hard to be happy and enjoy my life when I go home to h*** every day. And to make things worse my mom threatens me with her now, telling me if I mess up at school, or don't do what she says I won't be able to see her anymore. I just don't know what to do and feel so lost. One minute I'll feel confident as h***, on top of the world, and the next feel like a worthless piece of s***... What do I do?

  • #2
    re: Don't know what to do anymore...

    Hey there,

    From what you shared, it sounds like you have had a pretty difficult relationship with your mom and dad over the years. They seem to have been fighting most of your life, which has caused you to isolate yourself and become overweight at one point. You seem to have been through a few different weight amounts since you have been young. You shouldn’t have to deal with your mom telling you that you’re worthless and making you feel bad all the time. On the other hand, you seem to have someone who is very caring and concerned with your well-being. Your girlfriend sounds like she’s been very supportive for you and what you’re going through. That’s great!

    At this time, we here at NRS are non-directive, so we don’t really tell youth what to do. Often times, youth make decisions based on what they feel will be the safest option for them to do. If you are needing someone who can give you direction on how to handle that type of situation, you could try speaking with the national suicide prevention hotline. They have staff available to help with any kind of situation, and for people of any age. If you would like us to help with any options you are thinking about, you are more than welcome to contact us.

    Running away can be difficult and scary. For further assistance, we encourage you to give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are available 24/7 and look forward to your call. You can also live chat with us via our website @ www.1800runaway.org.

    Good luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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