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  • Need to get out of here

    I am a Muslim girl, and as such, my parents do not allow me to do certain things my brother can easily get away with. I am forced to follow a religious path chosen by my parents at the expense of my own happiness and I cannot do as I please, attend the university I wish to, or dress how I wish to due to my financial dependence on them. I realize they have put a lot of time and effort into raising me and while I am thankful for that, I absolutely do not believe I owe it to anyone to follow anything I do not believe in. It kills me every day that my mother never looks me in the eyes when speaking to me but rather scans my entire body to check if I am "dressed appropriately". I feel like an object and it crushes me to hear how much hate people around me have for women. I am forced to veil my femininity (figuratively and literally) and I figured I could manage to stay at home a few more years as I attend a nearby university (and return home every day) but familial social relations are just getting out of hands, to the point where it is becoming dangerous. I have spoken to friends about it but it is often useless as they have not experienced such situations. Both my brother and my mother are suicidal and both have attempted to hurt themselves countless times before and would have succeeded had neither my sister nor I had been present to stop them. My father has physically abused my mother before and I have a hard time showing any sort of affection towards him knowing that, yet my mother expects my relationship with him to remain as it was before I found out. All the while, she continues to feed him, do his laundry, pamper him, and basically act as if everything is normal because at some level, I think she believes Islam permits it. Plus, he is the money maker of the family and as his wife, she believes it is her religious duty to serve him. I am tired; I am 19 and I feel so old and tired of never having a chance to worry about myself and I do not think it is selfish of me to want to. My sister and I must take care of my younger siblings due to my mother's mental instability and I am starting to feel like things will never change as long as I am living with my parents. I am seeking to transfer to another university but my mother is keeping me on a hook, sometimes saying I can transfer and other times saying I "do not pray enough" or am not "religious enough" to be living on my own. Personally, I feel it is a bit pathetic for me to have to post this but I am so lost I don't know what else to do. I want to run away but it seems like such a far-fetched idea.

  • #2
    Reply: Need to get out of here

    Hello,
    Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Safeline.

    It was and is very brave of you to reach out to our forum tonight.
    It sounds like you are caught between some cultural and religious fundamentals to which you struggle to accept for your own way of life. It seems you are trying to be respectful of your parents and their religious beliefs while at the same time being frustrated by them as well.
    You spoke about your mother and brother being suicidal which puts you and your sister in a larger role of being more responsible for your younger sibblings. That's a lot to cope with.
    It’s been very difficult for you. We are here to support your feelings and offer whatever services we can to you.

    There also seems to have been incidents of abuse to with your mother may be a victim.
    Because you now have this knowledge it seems to have raised some serious issues for you with your father.
    It sounds like a tough emotional place to be for you.
    No one deserves to be abused. There is no excuse for it.
    You should be able to feel safe and so should your mother.

    There are laws to protect you should you feel the need to reach out for help legally.
    There are also advocates against domestic violence.

    Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (24hrs)

    We understand that there can be levels of frustrations and emotions that require some sensitivity and empathy. Have you considered counseling? Sometimes counseling can be helpful when one is trying to sort things out. It might also help you explore options that might help cope or possibly plan a safe exit strategy.
    It sounds like safety is of importance based on your statement about things becoming out of hand and maybe even dangerous.

    Perhaps you might consider getting information about counseling services through your university or you can call our 24hr toll free crisis line 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or live chat with us at www.1800Runaway.org
    We can explore options for counseling and support based services in your area.
    How does that sound?

    We appreciate you be so open about your situation and you should not feel negative about having done so. You did a good job looking for an outlet to vent. Good for you.
    We hope it helped somewhat to vent your feelings. It can be a relief to talk your feelings.
    We hope that you feel better at having done so.

    Take Care,
    NRS
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 11-12-2015, 03:33 AM.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

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