Step dad emotionally abusing my mum

[Guest]

my mum has changed so much in the recent years of being with her husband, he's an alcoholic but won't admit to it or get help he drinks about a box of 12 beers an evening possibly more if he runs out he makes my mum give him money or moves on to anything he can get his hands on. my mum isn't happy and I know it she seems so low and I've spoken to her the whole family has but I don't know why she isn't the stubborn woman we all used to know and why she is taking all his abuse. he bad mouths me and my brother to her constantly and we do nothing we have always been good kids she did so well as a single mum. he doesn't have a job and gets given anything he wants from his parents even though he is nearly 50! he has got a young child with my mum who is 4 and she tells me a lot and hates him shouting. I haven't been home in ages because I cant stand seeing what he does, I've comfronted the situation and he stropped out the house to his "mummy and daddy". he is a horrible person and is emotionally abusing my mum she pays for everything and he doesn't contribute at all apart from causing stress. my mum says she wants to run away with her youngest saying its her only option but she has worked so hard for her Job she cant afford to loose that! I don't know how to help her or what to do but I know for a fact he is no good for her or anyone and so does the rest of my family. recently my mum lost her father and she is getting blamed that she is still grieving by her husband and that she is causing all the arguments. it is. not a healthy relationship ands there is so much more hurt he has caused. I don't know what to do anymore its starting to effect me and my relationship with my mum and everyone else I need help!

[ccsmod8]

Hello there -

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to get into contact with us here at the National Runaway Safeline, we are always here to listen and here to help in any way that we can. From your message to us, it sounds like you have are going through a very hard time right now and seem to be very overwhelmed with everything that is going on especially with your mother's husband has been treating you. It’s great that you are able to reach out for help in your current situation, it’s very brave of you to do that. It must be very frustrating to have to deal with that every single day.

Only you know when you need to leave due to your home being unsafe. Unfortunately no one but you can make that decision for you, not even here. One thing that may be helpful for you is to possibly note when the abuse/yelling is happening or any triggers of the abuse/yelling ( some examples would be like after your abuser comes from work or after dinner and/or right when you get home) and to try to find things that can keep yourself away from home during those times (after school programs, sports program, study group at a friend’s house, getting involved in your volunteering, etc).

Unfortunately, we don’t know much about resources in the UK for we mainly work within the United States. But there are resources that might be able to help you within the UK that can be of more help. There is the “Child Helpline” (https://www.childhelplineinternational.org/child-helplines/child-helpline-network/) that might be of more help since our resources don’t go outside the United States. There also might be a number in which you can call as well to talk to them about what has been going on. It might be a great way to talk to someone there that can help you get through these terrible times with your parents. You sound like a very strong person to keep fighting for what you believe in and standing up for yourself.

We hope that this resource helps!