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  • I need to leave..but I can't.

    Hi,
    I'm a 14 year old girl and I live with my dad. My mum and dad split 7 years ago, and I hardly see my mum. My dad has tried to brainwash my younger brother into thinking it was my mums fault when I was really his. He used to abuse her. I've been like a second mum to my siblings since I was 7, so it has been hard for me. No mother, but acting like one.
    2 years ago I started self harming, and I currently have clinical depression and suffer from major anxiety. I get a lot of panic attacks and anxiety attacks, and its hard when you suffer from all of this. I still self harm now, but I haven't done it as much, because it hurts my siblings and I don't want them thinking it's okay to do it.
    My dad is a major alcoholic. He spends all of our christmas money, birthday money, and child benefit money on alcohol and borrows money off other people to pay for it. He is actually the reason self harm. He treats me and my sister like ******** and he doesn't care about us. He treats my brother like he does nothing wrong. The other day he threw a table at my sisters head and he is always shouting at us. We have had to run to my uncles for safety one whilst I was having a big panic attack.
    I want to move out to my Mum's, and I was going to move out to live by myself at 17/18. Would I be able to? He is always saying I can't leagally move out till I'm 19. I honestly can't live here anymore. Can I move out anytime soon?

  • #2
    re: I need to leave..but I can't.

    Hi,

    Thank you for reaching out to us today. It sounds like you have been going through a pretty rough time for a while now. It is always hard to live with someone who drinks and abuses alcohol, especially when you have to act as a stand in parent for your younger siblings. Having anxiety and panic attacks as a result of this is completely understandable, you have a lot on your plate. You and your siblings don’t deserve to be treated this way and you have taken a great first step in reaching out for help.

    With everything you have been going through in your life, it sounds like self-harm has been a way for you to cope with all of the pain. You have shown through your writing that you understand it is not safe, and as a result you are looking to find safer alternatives to help cope. You have identified your siblings as a main reason why you are not self-harming as much, which is a great strength to remember when things get difficult. Another great resource to use is the website “To Write Love on Her Arms” https://twloha.com/ . They have a lot of local resources to reach out to specifically with self-harm. Another great resource to use could be a local counselor or social worker in your community center / school. They can talk with you about safer alternatives and help build coping skills with you to process any difficult emotions.

    In terms of your question about moving out, we are not legal experts but in the United States the legal age to move out is 18. If you left before then, your dad could file a runaway report with the police (running away is not illegal, but the police could return you back to his home). Oftentimes we recommend those who are contemplating running away to call the local police department non-emergency number to discuss a hypothetical situation similar to yours. You also mention your uncle as a person you trust for safety and establishing a safety plan with him when you or your siblings no longer feel safe can be helpful as well. Finally, if you are currently seeing a counselor or wanted to reach out to one, they can be a great resource to discuss your safety at home.

    Again, we are really glad you reached out to us. It takes a lot to ask for help and you are thinking ahead for both you and your siblings’ futures. If you would like to talk further about your situation or find specific resources for safety, counseling, or self-harm, please do not hesitate to call or chat with us. Our lines are available 24/7 and our chat is available 4:30-11:30 PM central standard time. We’re here to listen, here to help.

    We look forward to your call or chat.

    Best of luck to you,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      i need help geting away form my dad!!!

      I need help getting away from my dad and the captcha for the chat is not working for me
      Originally posted by ccsmod11 View Post
      Hi,

      Thank you for reaching out to us today. It sounds like you have been going through a pretty rough time for a while now. It is always hard to live with someone who drinks and abuses alcohol, especially when you have to act as a stand in parent for your younger siblings. Having anxiety and panic attacks as a result of this is completely understandable, you have a lot on your plate. You and your siblings don’t deserve to be treated this way and you have taken a great first step in reaching out for help.

      With everything you have been going through in your life, it sounds like self-harm has been a way for you to cope with all of the pain. You have shown through your writing that you understand it is not safe, and as a result you are looking to find safer alternatives to help cope. You have identified your siblings as a main reason why you are not self-harming as much, which is a great strength to remember when things get difficult. Another great resource to use is the website “To Write Love on Her Arms” https://twloha.com/ . They have a lot of local resources to reach out to specifically with self-harm. Another great resource to use could be a local counselor or social worker in your community center / school. They can talk with you about safer alternatives and help build coping skills with you to process any difficult emotions.

      In terms of your question about moving out, we are not legal experts but in the United States the legal age to move out is 18. If you left before then, your dad could file a runaway report with the police (running away is not illegal, but the police could return you back to his home). Oftentimes we recommend those who are contemplating running away to call the local police department non-emergency number to discuss a hypothetical situation similar to yours. You also mention your uncle as a person you trust for safety and establishing a safety plan with him when you or your siblings no longer feel safe can be helpful as well. Finally, if you are currently seeing a counselor or wanted to reach out to one, they can be a great resource to discuss your safety at home.

      Again, we are really glad you reached out to us. It takes a lot to ask for help and you are thinking ahead for both you and your siblings’ futures. If you would like to talk further about your situation or find specific resources for safety, counseling, or self-harm, please do not hesitate to call or chat with us. Our lines are available 24/7 and our chat is available 4:30-11:30 PM central standard time. We’re here to listen, here to help.

      We look forward to your call or chat.

      Best of luck to you,

      NRS

      Comment


      • #4
        re: i need help geting away form my dad!!!

        Hi there,

        Sorry our apologies about chat, which is not working right now. It sounds like getting away from your dad is really important right now. Our chat should be working again in a couple hours. Otherwise, you can call anytime and speak to someone at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

        You may also be able to find a safe place to go at www.http://nationalsafeplace.org/. In the upper right hand corner, you can select your state and search for a Safe Place that is near to you where you can stay for a couple days.

        We hope that this is a helpful start. You can wait to chat with us starting around 4.30pm central time or call us right now 1800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) to get in touch with someone who can support you further.

        We look forward to your call or chat.

        Best of luck to you,

        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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