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is my mom abusive? or am i the abusive one?

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  • is my mom abusive? or am i the abusive one?

    alright, this is making me feel sick to psot but okay

    i don't trust her or my father easily... whenever i talk to her a part of me thinks she is manipulating me and they're conspiring against me. however, another part of me is pointing the blame at me and screaming at me inside my head that it's my fault and i should just keep my mouth shut and do what they want and "be a good daughter and be silent and obedient like i used to be". i end up just staying silent and not saying "i'm sorry" or anything for reasons i don't understand myself. one might be i'm giving them the silent treatment, which would make me a horrible abusive person. the other might be that i'm too afraid to answer because i might say the wrong thing, or that i'm saying all i want to say internally through beating myself up but getting choked up when i try and speak. i have gotten into fights with my mother and father a lot as a child, and i was very afraid of my father as a young child. my mom has said that she feels like she always says the wrong thing around me, which is what makes me think i'm abusing her. i am honest with her, but now i'm doubting whether or not i'm too blunt with her. she'll ask me for critiques on her art, and she has told me i have a very good eye but i don't entirely believe her because i don't think my opinions are worth anything. my mom has self-esteem issues, and so do i, and sometimes she won't eat if she's "too stressed out" which sometimes has meant i need to go apologize to her for her to actually eat something.

    i apologized to her after our fight and she said i didn't have to apologize but that she still f*cked up and said things wrong and she'll try and do better in the future and then she said (and i quote her word for word) "thank you for feeling like you had to apologize" and then she hugged me and was confused when i almost started crying... is that a normal thing for a mom to say to her kid?

  • #2
    Hi there,

    Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of confusion and stress at home. We will try our best to unpack what is going on and find ways to best help.

    There are many different types of abuse, and it’s often hard to determine in certain situations. Child Help USA is the National Child Abuse Hotline and a great resource to ask if your relationship with your mom and dad is abusive. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453. Another option to explore if family counseling/therapy. Not only would a 3rd party be able to mediate conversations, but help develop healthy communication skills.

    We want you to know that you are not alone, and you can always reach out to us to talk about your feelings and concerns. We are 24/7 and can be reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

    Best of luck,

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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