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I feel controlled and abused, I have had enough.

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  • I feel controlled and abused, I have had enough.

    Hello, I am 15 years of age. I am not going to run away till I am almost 17 years of age (being 17 is legal adult in my state, minus things such as voting).
    My dad and mom are very controlling and I feel like all my dreams are that of a losers. I want to stay at home while my husband works and I will take care of the children. I have lots of maternal traits and I love children, cleaning and cooking, however my father said this was a waste of my life.
    One day I accidentally blurted out that I wanted to marry my boyfriend, because our relationship is very serious for some one my age. It is rare and unique, and I feel that the idea of marriage is possible. My dad made my mother lecture me, and he yelled at me that I couldn't marry him. He has always been racist and he disapproves of my relationship, because I am white and he is Hispanic.
    Now he is forcing me to apply to specific colleges, ones near where he will live. I don't wish to go to college, because my dream of being a stay at home mom. (Yes I know it's daft, however I plan on writing novels or making artwork)
    He makes the family side with him, and my mom sometimes shows concern. However we can't speak out against him without our arguments being changed to follow what he wants. He is forcing our family to move to Washington State, including my mother who has her whole family here. He is doing this so he can get a job, however the idea was not mentioned until after a week I told my parents about my Hispanic boyfriend.
    He makes me feel like I do not belong in this family, yet he will say very clingy things about me. I will go cry and then he will pretend nothing happened and we are a happy family. I will still feel empty inside while everyone moves on with their lives.
    He has done this for years, and has severe rage issues. He hasn't yelled since I told him I have a problem with his yelling, this was a few days ago. I don't know if it has stopped for good.
    He used to hit me, but stopped when I was 14.
    My mom wants to send me to therapy to aid my depression, however they will unearth my father's abuse and he will hurt me for it. He scares me still....
    I am not sure if I should run away. I have a well thought out plan that might work.
    I don't want to tell the cops because three reasons
    a. no physical abuse anymore (weakens my case)
    b. I want to stay here with my friends and other relatives, that I will most definitely miss
    c. I feel like if i say anything he will relapse and hurt me
    d. It's more emotional than illegal abuse, I am just sick of control
    Thank you

  • #2
    Re: I feel controlled and abused, I have had enough.

    Hello there,

    Thank you for reaching out to us through our online forum. It sounds like you are really frustrated by your father’s actions and the idea of moving away from your boyfriend and relatives. It must be stressful to feel like your family, doesn’t accept the choice you’ve made to not apply to college and be a stay at home mom. Home is a place where you should feel supported, comfortable, and safe.
    You’ve identified several concerns about your father: that his actions are in response to you having a serious relationship with your boyfriend, that he is racist towards your boyfriend, and that you are afraid that he will harm you if you speak out in protest. If you are considering reporting abuse, that is something that we can explore with you more if you decide to call us.

    There’s a lot to consider when thinking about leaving home. Your parents could file a runaway report with the police. Although running away isn’t criminal in nature, if the police pick you up, they will most likely take you home. However, sometimes people helping runaways are at risk for charges such as harboring a runaway or crossing state lines with a minor. These charges are often just misdemeanors, but might be something to explore if you or the family you plan on staying with are concerned.

    If you are set on leaving, we can also talk with you about ways that you can be safe. Hopefully, this information is helpful to you. We would be happy to talk to you in more detail about your specific situation if you decide to chat or call us.

    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!


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