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Im a mistake and i never wanna see my family again

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  • Im a mistake and i never wanna see my family again

    I'm only 12 years old and I'm already falling into depression and disorders. I have 4 siblings (2 younger and 2 older). My whole life my mother has told me " why can't you be normal" or "why can't you act like your siblings". They always gang up on me. I find my self-staying in my room for 90% of the day. I basically only go downstairs when no one is there. The men in my family can be so abusive. My brother who is the oldest (16) always had a need to tell me how dumb, Useless or how much I'm a mistake. My father is physically abusive to my older brother and sometimes me and my sisters. He's always yelling at me the most and threatening to hurt me. Just the other day he threatened to break my neck. I don't get along with my siblings because I am very different from them. Physically and mentally. My mother thought I was crazy for staying in my room all the time so she scheduled a guidance appointment for me when the real reason I stay in my room is that every time I see my family they argue with me. I'm done and I don't want to keep arguing. When I move out I have no intention to keep any contact with them whatsoever. I find my self craving praise. I try to change or get good marks in school to make them accept me more. I would do anything to just have a new family. sometimes I let their words hurt me because I can't always put up a wall. I lead to thinking I am worthless and that my life means nothing. I have thought about killing my self to just show them how much they screwed up and how they affected me. I want to be loved and too much has happened to me to have any sort of relationship now. I want them to feel the pain they cause me. Please help me!

  • #2
    Thanks so much for reaching out. It sounds like you’re dealing with a ton of difficult stuff on your own at the moment without much support. No one deserves to feel alone and worthless. You aren’t worthless—far from it. From this post alone it’s clear that you’re a brilliant, caring and capable person who deserves nothing but the best. It may feel unbelievably painful and overwhelming right now, but you’re not alone, and asking for help is the first step towards making things better. You’ve already taken that step.
    The most important thing right now is to make sure that you’re safe. You mentioned that you’ve thought about killing yourself to send a message to your family. Suicide is never the answer, no matter what the situation, and there is always someone you can talk to instead of hurting yourself. Don’t hesitate to call 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Lifeline) or our own call center at 1-800-786-2929 if you’re even thinking about hurting yourself. Someone is here to listen and to help, 24/7, no matter what. As for the abuse from your father, that behavior is completely unacceptable and you have the right to report it. You can call the police or contact Child Help at 1-800-422-4453. Again, if you simply want to talk about that stuff or need help reporting abuse, you can call us anytime.
    As for your relationships within your family, it’s really important to make sure that you’re seen and heard. It sounds like you might be isolating in your room because you feel that you’ll be attacked or misunderstood in some way. No one should have to feel like that, especially not in their own home. You mentioned that your mother scheduled an appointment with a guidance counselor. If you haven’t done so yet, you can always tell a counselor or another trusted adult what’s going on at home and they should have your back. You could also try writing a letter to someone in your family, maybe someone you just have trouble getting a word in with, and express yourself in that way. It’s important not to underestimate what a difference little bits of progress can make. We also offer a conference call service here at NRS, where we could help mediate a conversation between yourself and someone in your family, with established ground rules to protect your safety and ensure that you’re heard.
    What you’re going through isn’t easy. It wouldn’t be for anyone. But you’re showing an awful lot of strength and bravery by reaching out and sharing your story. If there’s anything else we can help you with, or if you just want to talk, don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-786-2929. We’re here to listen.
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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