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  • I need help. Please.

    Hi, I'm "Birdie. I'm 13 years old (turning 14 in 2 weeks) and I think I really need help.
    Really.

    Ever since I was younger (like 9 yrs old), I never really got along with kids my age. I would always hang out with the older kids and had many older friends. I always had a sense of being a nobody. Being worthless. Like I didn't deserve anything. My mom was verbally abusive to my brother and I, and always belittled us, so that obviously worsened my emotional state. By 11, I had suicidal thoughts.
    When I was 12, I got a volunteer job and built a relationship with my manager (let's call her "Hawk").
    I was really open to "Hawk" about my emotional problems and told her I really needed help. She was the same to me: very open about her emotional struggles. We seemed to have a lot in common (emotionally), and she said that as a teenager, she was diagnosed with Premature Adolescence Withdrawal, which is where you don't get along with kids your age and hang out with older teens and adults, as well as maturing emotionally and physically faster than other teens your age. It sounded so much like what I was suffering from. She told me to look it up when I got home and I did, but I found nothing on it. Nothing. It was like it disappeared off the earth. I told her and she said it might have been a really rare disorder, but she didn't know why there was no information on it either. So from then on, I've just kind of assumed I had it. and I am really more emotionally mature and physically mature than the average 13 year old. I look like I am 16-17, and am as mature as someone 17 years old. God, I even talk like a 17 year old. All of my friends are older than me. My BEST friend is even 3 years older than me. My parents both disapprove of my relationships with older teens, saying they are a bad influence, when they really aren't, and keep prying me to make relationships with kids my age, but I can't. I am also pretty positive I have B.E.D (Binge Eating Disorder). I have several episodes a month where I can't stop eating and I eat till' I'm full.
    I know, what I've described to you doesn't seem that serious, and you might just think I'm overreacting. But I'm not.
    My parents don't accept me for who I am. They always think I have a (quote) "bad attitude", when I'm convinced I am suffering from depression. My brother has always been the golden child (he was born with half an ear), and he is always on my parents' side.

    I've noticed that I'm starting to get more defensive and aggressive towards my family. I think it's natural though, because of the crap they throw at me everyday. I've started cussing A LOT (mostly in private), but my brother gets extremely upset when I cuss, so he'll start yelling at me and hitting me. That happened the other day. I was so scared.
    We both were home alone and he wanted to use the iPad and I told him he needed to finish his schoolwork (we're homeschooled). In an instant (I think he's bipolar), he fumed and grabbed me and started hitting me (he's never cussed at me or anyone in his life, and I don't think he ever will, for fear of my parents disapproval), and yelling at me to give him the iPad. I wasn't crying (by this time in my life, I have mostly gotten used to ******** and I don't cry unless I'm by myself in the corner of my room). He was grabbing me, hitting me, scratching me, and yelling right in my face. I was getting nervous and scared, I started cussing at him and telling him to "get the ******** away from me." I told him to go away and work on his schoolwork and it was just an iPad and he didn't need to be on it. This seemed to make him more aggressive with with hitting and yelling and was literally screaming at me now. I told him "You don't scare me." and then he came behind me, grabbed me tighter than anyone would ever have grabbed me, and SCREAMED AT ME "DOES THIS SCARE YOU? HUH? DOES THIS SCARE YOU?" I was now screaming and telling him to leave me alone. I said "Why can't you just go away? Please, go away, please go away." then I started crying. and all he did was laugh, smile, and scream and hit me more. He did this for 20 minutes, until he turned around, and i got up, took the iPad with me, and ran to my parents bathroom, where I locked myself in there. He banged on the door and screamed at me. I turned on the iPad and opened Google Hangouts, where I tried to call my mom. She apparently was in a class and had left her phone in the car during that time, so she never answered my calls. after 10 minutes of him banging the door and screaming at me to open it, he left. I continued to try to call my mom; I even sent a text along the lines of "Please answer. Please. Please." Then all of a sudden, the wi-fi went off. My brother had turned off the router, so I could not contact mom using the internet. I was so scared. I was really scared. I started crying and hyperventilating. I did so for about 2 hours straight (I'm not joking). My mom eventually got the text later and called up her friend to check on me. My brother lied to me and told me the police were there, so I opened the door, and he smiled at me and chuckled and the first thought in my head was "I'm going to die." I ran to the front of the house, where the door was open and a woman was standing there and asked if I was alright. My eyes and face were red and I just shook my head and began bawling again. She told me to put on some shoes and she took me to her house which was a block down. She was really nice to me. I stayed at her house until my mom came. I told my mom what happened and she told me everything was going to be alright. I knew it had never been alright or would ever be. All they did was talk to my brother about it. They never punished him or anything. and all my brother could say about the incident was that I hit him and then he hit me in self-defense, which was a lie.

    All this to say, I really need help. I don't know what to do. My best friend has been my therapist basically because she's the only person who understands me. I have never sought therapy or group counseling (even though I think it would really benefit me) because I'm too embarrassed to ask. My parents have never understood me or my behavior...why would they understand me now?
    I really want to leave and move in with my best friend, but I don't know how or if its legal. My parents will search for me and the feds will eventually find me, and they'll put me back with my parents, where they will get upset with me for leaving.
    My mom suffers from depression, fibromyalgia, and lupus, so she's always yelling at us and in pain; she goes to the doctor constantly.
    My brother has SOME disorder, and my mom can't get him to do school. He's always aggressive towards this family and wants to do his own thing; he's 15.

    My parents always threaten me to put me in a mental institution, but I don't want to go.

    I have recently had feelings of not being loved or wanted. My mom always tells other people that I am better at school, work, and everything better than my brother. But I always seem to be really bad at things. Like at debate, I think I suck, and other people seem to look at me in disgust when I debate, but my mom says i need to accept that I am good at it.
    This makes no sense! How can the person who belittles you just go on to say that you're good at everything and you need to build yourself up. ?!?! How can I build myself up in a family situation like this.
    Also, I have felt like I need to be loved. I've felt like no one will ever love me and that I should just kill myself because my "long lost prince" is never coming. I always get hit on my older teen guys, but I try to stay away from them, because I think they will never understand me and that I'll just scare them with my stories. No one loves me.
    Life's a ********** to me.

    No one understands me, except my best friend. I really really really need help.
    What can I do about my emotional state?
    What can I do about my family?
    Is there some way I can get help?
    Please help.

    If my parents find out I was on this forum telling you guys about my problems, they'd be furious.
    But I trust that you will help me in some way.
    Please help.

    -Birdie

  • #2
    re: I need help. Please.

    Hey Birdie-

    Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. We are very sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time at home. It must be extremely difficult to feel as if your family does not accept you for who you are. It also must be lonely to feel as if you are not loved or wanted. It is not ok that your mother has verbally abused you and that your brother has physically abused you. No one deserves to experience any type of abuse. It is completely understandable that you have turned to being defensive and aggressive towards your family because of the way that things have been going.

    It is really great to hear that you have your best friend to turn to for support during this rough time. She seems to understand you and what you are going through, and it is good to have someone like that in your life. We are glad you reached out to us and we are happy to help you in any way we can.

    You mentioned that you are depressed and have had thoughts of suicide. If you ever feel like you want to end your life consider calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255). If you call you will be connected to a skilled, trained counselor who will talk to you about what you are going through. You can call the number at any time, it is a 24/7 hotline.

    You also mentioned that you are looking for help with your emotional state. You did say that you have never sought therapy or counseling, but that you think that it would really benefit you. We think it’s great that you are considering several options that might help make you feel better. We could help you find a counseling agency in your area. If we know the city and state that you live in, we could help you find that information. You could call us at any time at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) and with some information from you, we could help you get connected to any resource you may need. You could also seek support from someone in your life that your trust. You mentioned that talking to your best friend and “Hawk” has helped you in the past. You could also try an aunt or uncle, school counselor, or one of the teachers at your school.

    You had a question about running away to live with your best friend and if that was legal. We are not legal experts, but we do know that it is not against the law for you to run away. If you did runaway however, because you are under the age of 18, your parents have the right to do whatever they can to get you back home. If they wanted they could file a runaway report with the police. If they know where you are, the police will come pick you up and take you back home. Your parents also have the right to press charges against any adult that is helping you runaway. This means that if you ran away and were staying with your best friend, your parents could press charges against your best friend’s parents for harboring a runaway. We just want to make sure that you are prepared for what may happen if you decide to leave.

    As we suggested earlier we would love to talk to you about what is going on, provide support, and connect you to any resource you would like. We are a 24/7 confidential hotline so you can call us at any time and we will not share what we discuss with you to anyone else. Again, our number is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). If you are uncomfortable talking on the phone you can also reach us through our online chat services. You can access our chat services at www.1800runaway.org which are available all week from 4:30 p.m. to 11:30 p.m.

    We wish you the best of luck and hope to hear from you soon.

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      Thank you.

      Thank you for your help.
      Yes, I will be using the helplines more often.
      Thanks again.

      -Birdie

      Comment


      • #4
        re: I need help. Please.

        Hey again,

        We wish you the best of luck in everything. You can now count us as part of your support system.

        Stay strong,

        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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