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I’m 15, a girl, I do well in school, have an ok social life, but at home I just don’t fit in. Depression runs on both sides of the family, and so I was born with it. I just changed medication from Sertraline to something new, it’s a small grey and white capsule containing medicine, today is my second day on it. I’m not sure how the medications effecting me yet, but I do acknowledge that I’m feeling a bit more intensely about the situation due to the recent change in medication. Anyways, my family consists of me, my mom, my dad, and my 2 years older brother. My mom has always been my favorite, she’s understanding and comforting the majority of the time, and when she isn’t, it isn’t for very long, I love her. She has spurts of violence here and there but nothing too scary, just frustration that therapy could probably control, if only there were a subtle way to tell someone they need therapy. My dad works a lot, leaving for a week or two at a time and then spending a couple days home, I’ve always seen that as an obstacle in our relationship, but it’s not really him being away that’s always bugged me, but him coming back. He behaves in a sexist way but denies being sexist, and an example of this would be that he will jokingly call my mom woman or dear in sarcastic tones, tell her to make him a sandwich, take my brother to football games without me, tell me I look pretty with makeup on, and talk about serious issues such as sexual assault and the wage gap as though they’re not legitimate issues whatsoever. He had an abusive alcoholic father who beat both him and his family, and has built himself up from that career wise, but I don’t like him as a person. I was raped and sexually assaulted as a child and soon following those experiences, I didn’t like being touched by others, kind of a post traumatic stress thing, but my dad would not listen to me when I’d tell him to not touch or hug me. He’d get angry and throw things around, yelling that he has a right to hug his daughter. Even after finding out why it was I didn’t want to be touched, the rule was not followed by him. He started seeing a therapist (as recommended to him by my therapist) and has improved, but his therapist and him had made such good progress that they lessened the amount of appointments, since then he’s returned to the insensitive and disrespectful person I remember. I don’t love him. My brother, after finding out about the sexual assault, shoved me, told me I was lying for attention and both started rumors and told one of the attackers that I was telling people about it, the attacker contacted me later on with threats and messages that made me so uncomfortable. My brother is unstable and disappointing, it’s more than sibling quarrels, He teaser me when I started dating in 7th and 8th grade(the years in which I was assaulted) and called me a slut and a whore, and recently has done the same, though he’s had consentual sex with more people than I have, he’s also hit me and yelled at me. Today he slammed the brakes so I hit the windshield, I was rude to him and couldn’t help but cry as soon as I got inside. I don’t want to be here, I want escape, I want to see my friend XXX and cry on his shoulder! I want to see my therapist and I never want to see my brother again. I can’t stand this much longer. I’m so exhausted by repeating why it is I’m in so much torment, no one in this house will listen after asking what’s wrong, they ask questions over and over because they don’t actually acknowledge the answer I provide, I’m tired of giving excuses and reasons to people who won’t even hear me out. I’m a falling tree and everyone hears the cracking bark and twisted branches, but no one will step up to keep me from hitting the ground.
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