19 and stressed, debating running away

[Guest]

Pretty much every single day is a living hell for me. My mother is a pothead who keeps getting fired from jobs and scrambling to find new ones. My dad does most of the housework, pays most of our expenses, and has pretty much lost attraction to my mother in every way possible, but he still allows her to treat everyone in the house like crap. He does this simply because he's one of those sex-obsessed jerks. Yesterday crossed a line, with my dad accusing my mom of having an affair (which she's been guilty of before, back when they were just dating). Yes, he actually married her despite all of that. She gets angry and starts yelling, and then when she claims she doesn't want me to hear it, I yell out that it's not his fault because she was the one who resorted to yelling. Then she gets on my case because apparently I'm not allowed to question anything she does or I'm seen as disrespectful, inconsiderate or ungrateful. It continues for another couple hours, and at one point I start bursting into tears. Night comes around, and both of them are acting like it didn't even happen. And this isn't the first time stuff like this has happened, far from it. I can't take this anymore, but at the same time, I'm way too scared to kill myself and I'm not sure why. I'm almost 20, but I'm too scared to drive because I've been in two accidents that both resulted in some serious injuries. I don't have a job, but I know they want nothing than for me to waste away in my bedroom, playing games and eating unhealthy food until I die. And all anyone tells me is to keep waiting, to hold out until something good happens. And frankly, and pardon my French here, but those people are ********ing idiots. It's pointless talking to my friends about it, they've all got people who actually care. If someone can at least in some way connect to this, please tell me.

[ccsmod7]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now with your parents and the yelling. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services. It sounds like you have been really isolated in your room lately, and that cannot be easy. Here at NRS, we want you to know that there are people and resources out there for you, and you should not have to go through this alone. If you ever thing individual or family counseling resources could be helpful for your situation, we can look for local services in you area if you call or chat us.

Generally speaking, at 19 you are usually considered a legal adult and can make your own life decisions including where you live. So if you left home it legally would be moving out rather than running away. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living.

Here at NRS, we want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe and stay strong,

NRS