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My mother and i have never had a good relationship, and when i point that out to her, she says that I'm a liar and I can't remember- which is entirely wrong. She compares me to herself all of the time, telling me that when she was my age, she had a job, was pregnant with my sister, and making straight A's in school. I know that the fact that we clash will not change, and, multiple times, this week, it has been a dangerous situation. I have a mood problem, where one second I'm crying about being ugly and wanting to hurt myself, and the next second I just feel- not happy- but fine. It sometimes scares me, but not ever as much as when she has it. She has the same thing, and anyone close to her can see it, but she never, in her life, would admit it. That itself makes my home a dangerous place to live. My mother is a comedian, professionally, and she enjoys making jokes at the expense of her children, i.e. when i have a severe mental breakdown and am crying in the bathroom ready to harm myself, if she hears, she'll say, "What a dumb-ass, your life isn't over, you're just a drama queen." She says this when I never even asked to talk to her. She thinks it's her job to humiliate me in front of her boyfriend with how i am.
I feel like i have no choice but to runaway, especially with her new boyfriend living with us. He is 28, I'm 17, and my mother is 39. Normally, i have no problem with age differences, I date people who are, at least, 18 and my grandparents were 15 years apart, however, when someone acts as childish and rude as he does, I just can't handle it.... and, sometimes, i worry if he'll be like my mother's last live in boyfriend. Her last one was an alcoholic, verbally abusive to her, like she is to everyone else, but it was still awful, and he did something, something i've never told anyone that he did to me- my mother wouldn't believe me, just like she didn't when i came home with bruises and tried to tell her my ex hit me.
I feel I have to runaway, and this is not just a one time feeling, I've been feeling like this was the best answer since I was 10 years old, when I was in 6th grade, because of how me, my mother's middle eastern, bisexual, multilingual daughter is always the butt of the jokes, sometimes my sister is, but when that happens I kinda snap on my mother. I also have a hearing disability, my right ear is mostly deaf, which makes hearing in crowds, at the mall, or even over the t.v. very difficult compared to what my mother thinks. It's just too much for me to handle. I've tried confronting her about this, but she just lies to me, doesn't let me leave, even earlier this week, I called out of work because I was being depressed, and my mother started screaming at me, then, when i said that I don't want to open the door so that she can spit on me again, she told my brother, "I can't leave her alone, she's threatening suicide," when i never said anything about suicide. She tries to manipulate everyone around her, and then calls everyone else manipulative and abusive. I need a place to go, where she wont find me. I have a place to go... actually... I more need a way to get there. I know this is long, and may seem stupid to whomever reads it, however, it is the difference between balling my eyes out tonight and going to sleep with a smile.
I feel like i have no choice but to runaway, especially with her new boyfriend living with us. He is 28, I'm 17, and my mother is 39. Normally, i have no problem with age differences, I date people who are, at least, 18 and my grandparents were 15 years apart, however, when someone acts as childish and rude as he does, I just can't handle it.... and, sometimes, i worry if he'll be like my mother's last live in boyfriend. Her last one was an alcoholic, verbally abusive to her, like she is to everyone else, but it was still awful, and he did something, something i've never told anyone that he did to me- my mother wouldn't believe me, just like she didn't when i came home with bruises and tried to tell her my ex hit me.
I feel I have to runaway, and this is not just a one time feeling, I've been feeling like this was the best answer since I was 10 years old, when I was in 6th grade, because of how me, my mother's middle eastern, bisexual, multilingual daughter is always the butt of the jokes, sometimes my sister is, but when that happens I kinda snap on my mother. I also have a hearing disability, my right ear is mostly deaf, which makes hearing in crowds, at the mall, or even over the t.v. very difficult compared to what my mother thinks. It's just too much for me to handle. I've tried confronting her about this, but she just lies to me, doesn't let me leave, even earlier this week, I called out of work because I was being depressed, and my mother started screaming at me, then, when i said that I don't want to open the door so that she can spit on me again, she told my brother, "I can't leave her alone, she's threatening suicide," when i never said anything about suicide. She tries to manipulate everyone around her, and then calls everyone else manipulative and abusive. I need a place to go, where she wont find me. I have a place to go... actually... I more need a way to get there. I know this is long, and may seem stupid to whomever reads it, however, it is the difference between balling my eyes out tonight and going to sleep with a smile.
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