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I cant stay here; I need help.

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  • I cant stay here; I need help.

    My mother and i have never had a good relationship, and when i point that out to her, she says that I'm a liar and I can't remember- which is entirely wrong. She compares me to herself all of the time, telling me that when she was my age, she had a job, was pregnant with my sister, and making straight A's in school. I know that the fact that we clash will not change, and, multiple times, this week, it has been a dangerous situation. I have a mood problem, where one second I'm crying about being ugly and wanting to hurt myself, and the next second I just feel- not happy- but fine. It sometimes scares me, but not ever as much as when she has it. She has the same thing, and anyone close to her can see it, but she never, in her life, would admit it. That itself makes my home a dangerous place to live. My mother is a comedian, professionally, and she enjoys making jokes at the expense of her children, i.e. when i have a severe mental breakdown and am crying in the bathroom ready to harm myself, if she hears, she'll say, "What a dumb-ass, your life isn't over, you're just a drama queen." She says this when I never even asked to talk to her. She thinks it's her job to humiliate me in front of her boyfriend with how i am.
    I feel like i have no choice but to runaway, especially with her new boyfriend living with us. He is 28, I'm 17, and my mother is 39. Normally, i have no problem with age differences, I date people who are, at least, 18 and my grandparents were 15 years apart, however, when someone acts as childish and rude as he does, I just can't handle it.... and, sometimes, i worry if he'll be like my mother's last live in boyfriend. Her last one was an alcoholic, verbally abusive to her, like she is to everyone else, but it was still awful, and he did something, something i've never told anyone that he did to me- my mother wouldn't believe me, just like she didn't when i came home with bruises and tried to tell her my ex hit me.
    I feel I have to runaway, and this is not just a one time feeling, I've been feeling like this was the best answer since I was 10 years old, when I was in 6th grade, because of how me, my mother's middle eastern, bisexual, multilingual daughter is always the butt of the jokes, sometimes my sister is, but when that happens I kinda snap on my mother. I also have a hearing disability, my right ear is mostly deaf, which makes hearing in crowds, at the mall, or even over the t.v. very difficult compared to what my mother thinks. It's just too much for me to handle. I've tried confronting her about this, but she just lies to me, doesn't let me leave, even earlier this week, I called out of work because I was being depressed, and my mother started screaming at me, then, when i said that I don't want to open the door so that she can spit on me again, she told my brother, "I can't leave her alone, she's threatening suicide," when i never said anything about suicide. She tries to manipulate everyone around her, and then calls everyone else manipulative and abusive. I need a place to go, where she wont find me. I have a place to go... actually... I more need a way to get there. I know this is long, and may seem stupid to whomever reads it, however, it is the difference between balling my eyes out tonight and going to sleep with a smile.

  • #2
    re: I cant stay here; I need help.

    Hello,

    We thank you for reaching out to us. We see you are going through a lot and it has taken a lot to reach out to someone. You should not be abused in any way. We want you to be safe and can help you in thinking things through.

    We are sorry you are experiencing these kinds of things and want to provide you some support. We are wondering if you have everyday options that can help avoid being around your mother and her boyfriend. Some things like involving yourself in activities at school or creating social groups and meeting times with friends can be helpful in avoiding the stress at home. You mention you work and that can be something positive to keep you away from the stressful situation at home. You also mentioned struggling with a mood problem and wonder if you have support with that. Your school personnel may be a good resource to you in helping with what is going on at home and with your mood struggles. We are sorry you have been experiencing abuse. Reporting the abuse can be an option that can help you get out of that situation. We understand that reporting can be a scary thing and can support you through the process. If that is something you want to do we can report with you on the phone.

    If you conclude to running away we can definitely have that conversation as well. We want you to be safe. We can discuss and weigh your options and figure out where it is safest for you to go. We have lots of resources and can help locate resources in your area.

    Again, we are happy that you have reached out and believe that it is very brave of you. We always want you to be safe. We are here to support you through any decision you make and can talk to you on the phone at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or chat with us at 1800RUNAWAY.org. We look forwarding to speaking with you and wish you the best.

    Stay strong,

    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I am involved in 5 after school clubs, with 2 ap classes, and i have to see her after each of these so she can pick me up from school. In school im the slutty deaf girl- no friends of mine are seen with me outside of school. This isn't just a "my life isn't going good, I should leave" it's a "I fear every day coming back here, wondering if she'll threaten to knock down my door, or tell me how I was never wanted".

      Comment


      • #4
        re:

        Hey again,

        Thanks for replying. We’re glad that we are able to provide support and be a resource you can come to in this time of crisis.

        It sounds like you are an extremely smart person and are very involved in school. It also sounds like you are looking for someone to talk to and to explore options with someone about what you could do. We encourage you to reach out to us through chat or by giving us a call. We are here 24/7 and are more than happy to see if there is a way we could assist through this tough time. We wish you the best of luck and hope to get your call or chat soon.

        Stay strong,

        NRS
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!
        https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

        Comment

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