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I want to kill myself because of my mom.

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  • #31
    i want to kill myself because of my parents. they both are undergoing financial burden and i have been caught up in their anger. everyday i am physically, verbally and mentally abused by them. it has become so bad i once had a razor in my hand and i was ready to kill myself. i cannot deal with them anymore, everytime i try and talk sense out of them it back fires as i get beat up or mentally abused as they always say "i wish i had killed you when i was a child" and also they say "i wish you would jump off the balcony so that we dont have to see your face again. i am being tortured during this pandemic as i have to be with them 24/7 i need help i really do and youre my last resort to what ever might happen to me .

    Comment


    • ccsmod0
      ccsmod0 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

      We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation.

      Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
      If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
      We hope to hear from you soon.

      Be safe and stay strong,
      NRS

  • #32
    I keep telling myself I don't have depression. But I don't know anymore. I feel sad and I cry because of my mother that never loved me. She only cares about my grades and how I do in sports etc. Furthermore she treats me like a burden. My dad has never been present in my life. He just says that he never wanted children (I have 2 younger siblings) He never helped my mother financially and she brings in the money at home. That is why we are struggling financially. My mother would always bring this up and then I feel bad myself. This has limited my opportunities in life. What's also bad is that I'm struggling with social anxiety which makes speaking my mind not even a possibility. I've tried subtly telling my friend about it feeling so awkward while I'm doing it. But her reaction was exactly what I expected. Annoyed, didn't believe me of course. She thought I was seeking attention and complaining. So I never brought up my feeling etc. up again in fear of the same reaction to other people. My mother hasn't been paying attention to me lately and I can tell, she never asks me how I am etc. Always goes straight to my achievements. I have dropped high jump for a year now because I can't handle being around people and being helped/judged by the couch in front of them and self-doubt has slowly taken me over. I only talk softly and I stammer a lot. I get easily triggered if I'm chewed out or judged on my personal hygiene or clothes or anything about me. I've self harmed in the past for reasons I don't even know. I just felt sad. Usually when I feel left out or receive a lot of pressure from my mother and school. I get so many thoughts of just killing myself to just end the fear and doubt because afterwards I won't have to care anymore. I want to feel that relieve. But I'm definitely not depressed I'm sure of it.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 04-16-2020, 07:58 AM.

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

      We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you have had some frustrating times at home with your mother. That must be pretty hard for you. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change.
      Sometimes when communication breaks down with someone you are close to you making it difficult to know just where to turn. You did well reaching out today. We would like you to know NRS is here to listen and here to help. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of.
      There are other options that don’t include harming yourself.
      Your safety and well-being is important.
      If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.


      Reaching out today was a good first step towards having your story heard.

      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      Take care,
      NRS

  • #33
    My mom constantly makes me feel bad about myself.. about 4 years ago my mom was arrested and me and my brothers were forced to live with our cousins everything was great and for the really first time i felt like i could be myself i felt something that made me feel great with them and that feeling was understood. until she came and took me away from them and when i tell you that was the worst day of my life it was. i would cry every night and she would just say "shut up its not that serious" to say that to a 10 year old during a time like that really makes me think why the hell was i even born. About 2 years past and were staying with my father. But yet even though its his home she walks around like she ********ing owns it. im sorry for my language but thats just how upset she has me. she continues to call me stupid making me feel bad anytime im happy at a place she takes me away just so me and my brothers can watch her smoke like what a good influence not! i think it would be in my best intrest to live with my dad away from all this

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Thanks for reaching out to NRS,
      It seems like you have been through a lot and your mom has been a large part of this conflict and negativity. It seems like you felt a lot safer and supported at your cousins’ house then when you’ve lived with your mom. You said that she had come and taken you away from there, it may be possible that she doesn’t actually have full custody of you and your siblings still. If you had a social worker that you had worked with or that your cousins remember working with it might be worth reaching out to them and see if there are options to get you out of your moms care.
      Your mom shouldn’t be going around calling you stupid and putting you down all the time. It may be worth looking into ways that you can get outside support, like a counselor or therapist or hobby, that lets you talk about your feelings or avoid being around her as much as you can. If you wanted help seeking legal aid for finding out custody things, or want to spitball more ideas for dealing with the situation or just need someone to talk with please reach out through our online chat function or call our hotline at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

  • #34
    My mom hits my over the stupidest things like if I have a B- in school. And I keep telling her that she can’t even do the things that I’m doing in school because she doesn’t even know 2 to the second power. If I called CPS she would beat me worse than ever, she tries to manipulate me by buying me stuff but that doesn’t hide the fact the the abuses me one time she hit me in the head with a plastic ladle. I am 12 years old. I feel like if I don’t kill myself I will end up killing my mom.

    Comment


    • ccsmod13
      ccsmod13 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi there,

      It was very brave of you to reach out to us here at NRS and we appreciate you sharing a bit about your situation. Abuse of any kind is never okay and it is not okay that your mom hits you. Your mom's harsh reactions and abusive behaviors are not your fault. You do not deserve to be treated this way or to feel like your mom is manipulating you. You do deserve to feel supported, safe and cared for. Speaking up about the difficult things going on at home took a lot of courage and strength. It was a great step to take to get any support you may need.

      It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org) is always available if you need someone to talk to about how you have been feeling. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Reaching out to a school counselor or another adult that you trust could also be a good outlet for you as well.

      If you are not quite ready to talk to someone in person yet about your mom's abusive behavior, you can contact an advocate at Child Help, 1-800-422-4453 childhelp.org. You can learn more about ways to get help with this and how CPS might be able to intervene if you decide to make a report.

      Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #35
    Hello......
    My name is I’m 15 my mom cares more for my sister than my mom I hate my life so much I literally sleep on the ground while my sister have a bed for my little sister my mom is mean to me can I please leave her and live with my grandma she’s a pain I’m depressed because of her I cry myself to sleep everynight hoping to be a better day tomorrow I just don’t wanna be alive anymore I tried to kill my self over 14 times Bc I’m sad I just wanna get away from all of this please help me my life is bad I’m having issues I just don’t like being with my mom she let her boyfriend talk about me like I’m trash she sit there and take his side every Time something happens I hate her so much she’s so stressful I’m crying right now writing this...........IM ********ING DONE I HATE MY LIFE SO MUCH IM REALLY GONNA KILL MYSELF IF I LIVE WITH HER ANY LONGER IM DONE WITH THIS ******** THIS IS ********ED UP MAN I HATE HER SO MUCH I HATE THIS WORLD IM DONE WITH EVERYTHING SHE TREAT MY SISTER WAY BETTER THAN ME SHE TREAT ME LIKE ********ING ******** IM DONE.
    Last edited by ccsmod15; 05-14-2020, 11:03 PM. Reason: removed name for confidentiality

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Please see our reply to your email after this or call our hotline at 1-800-786-2929.

  • #36
    I hate it in my home, my mother's on medication so I understand some mood swings. But she doesn’t work or clean. And even tho she dose The same thing to my dad he always takes her side. I literally do all the housework chores and clean up my sisters and when she washes her own dishes and stuff she uses it against me.We will be in a fight and I do my best to stay calm but it’s so hard and when my dad gets home she morphs my words and tells him how horrible I am and stuff. I’m not overly sensitive, or I do t consider myself to be. And I understand every parent yells but she’ll keep piling on insults to me like she’s some teenage girl in my class, I’ve been going to the school counselor since I was little ya help me deal with my stress, but it keeps getting worse, and so does she. Every time we fight and she even so slightly moves her hand I’m scared she’s going to strike me again and same with my dad, and then when I flinch they yell “good u should be scared”. They’ve driven me to the point where in the summer I always have a friend over (they’re a bit more calm when there’s company) or I leave to a friends house for weeks at a time. She’s driven me to hurt myself and I can’t tell anyone about it. She’s so mentally and verbally abusive I don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to die. I’m so tired, and done feeling like trash.
    Last edited by ccsmod4; 06-17-2020, 03:50 AM.

    Comment


    • ccsmod4
      ccsmod4 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hi,
      Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

      It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything that has been going on. Moving can sometimes be a difficult change to adjust to. It also sounds like the relationship with your mother has been strained due to past and current issues. The relationship you have with your father does not appear to be any better. You don’t deserve to be abused in any way. It is not your fault that this is happening.

      The situation sounds very frustrating for you. We’re glad you reached out. It is also important that you remember to exercise self- care.
      It is times like these that it might be nice comfort to have a listening ear.
      NRS is here to listen and here to help.
      We would be glad to speak with you about strategies or options that might help you to cope better with your situation.

      We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Sometimes having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of.
      We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more about your situation and we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.

      Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).

      You did a wonderful job reaching out today. Good for you.
      If you feel at risk or in danger from your parent’s you can file an abuse report with child services by contacting Child help 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org


      If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255


      Take care,
      NRS
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