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Excuse the poor grammar and the cursing. This was on a rant to a trusted friend about what to do. For context: I live with my dad and my stepmom (Christa) during the school year and I can't handle it anymore.
okay so like my dad and christa are like mega strict. i got my phone taken away for two years because i made an instagram account after they told me not to, so i havent had a phone since september. and even then, when i had it it wasn't allowed in my room, couldnt take it out of the house without asking, and i didnt have safari or the app store. theyre both super strict for literally no reason. im a good kid i dont talk back at all (because i will get slapped, and im also terrified of them so no problems there) i literally play xbox and read books. and then im in clubs and all that but like i dont do anything. the worst thing ive probably ever done is sneak and ipod and lie about it (we're getting there) and so I have been dealing with this kinda ******** for the last 9 years, bc christa is a ********ter smh and shes been dating my dad since i was like 5 and yeah. so when i was with mom i was like 'im buying an ipod and hiding it bc i cant deal with them anymore ecksdee' and she was like 'ok' so i bought that and had it for like a solid 3 months before they saw it on the wifi network and LOST THEIR ********. i didnt give it to them and they ********ing searched my room and patted me down and literally went through the entire house, and eventually i did give it up after ********ing threats and then they started like guilting me and christa was like 'im nothing but nice to you why are you so terrible to me' firstly, she has her own two kids and she literally treats me like ********. like if it doesnt concern her kids it isnt important.
(so, essentially, if its about me its irrelevent) and she literally only tells me about how im an iconvienience and how im irresponsible and like 'o ur so bad i was never this bad' and all this ********. but like theyre really ********ing emotionally abusive and i have rlly bad anxiety and i just literally cant take it. its at the point where like im scared to come home because i dont want to get either hit or yelled at because i know everything i do nothing is good enough. like i cant bring home a report card with less than a 95 or im grounded. like if i make an A- i'm actually dead. and ive had this pressure for the last 8 years and i cant do it, im so sick of it and it sounds bad but i literally just hate it. so i talked to my mom because she knows how bad it is and she said i could try a semester there and if i still needed to leave then i could move up to chicago with her.
So essentially I'm just scared to talk to them about leaving. I don't know how they'll react, or what'll happen. I go back July 11th. I'm just so tired of it, they think they're being good parents but its not. I come home every day wanting to die, and the only reason I'm still here is because of my friends and mom. I can't stand living there for the next four years, I've already done it for 9. I read that in the courts (In my state at least, and if it even goes this far) that the child's opinion is taken into account once they are of age (I am) But as much as I absolutely hate living with them and how just emotionally manipulative they are I'm still going to feel bad for leaving. Like I'm doing something wrong and abandoning them and it feels really selfish but I dont think I can take it anymore. My mental health is honestly declining because of them, I think thats how most of my mental issues came about. Things like anxiety, depression, anorexia, all from their little comments and just constant yelling. I just live I fear and I've done it for 9 years and can't keep doing it.
okay so like my dad and christa are like mega strict. i got my phone taken away for two years because i made an instagram account after they told me not to, so i havent had a phone since september. and even then, when i had it it wasn't allowed in my room, couldnt take it out of the house without asking, and i didnt have safari or the app store. theyre both super strict for literally no reason. im a good kid i dont talk back at all (because i will get slapped, and im also terrified of them so no problems there) i literally play xbox and read books. and then im in clubs and all that but like i dont do anything. the worst thing ive probably ever done is sneak and ipod and lie about it (we're getting there) and so I have been dealing with this kinda ******** for the last 9 years, bc christa is a ********ter smh and shes been dating my dad since i was like 5 and yeah. so when i was with mom i was like 'im buying an ipod and hiding it bc i cant deal with them anymore ecksdee' and she was like 'ok' so i bought that and had it for like a solid 3 months before they saw it on the wifi network and LOST THEIR ********. i didnt give it to them and they ********ing searched my room and patted me down and literally went through the entire house, and eventually i did give it up after ********ing threats and then they started like guilting me and christa was like 'im nothing but nice to you why are you so terrible to me' firstly, she has her own two kids and she literally treats me like ********. like if it doesnt concern her kids it isnt important.
(so, essentially, if its about me its irrelevent) and she literally only tells me about how im an iconvienience and how im irresponsible and like 'o ur so bad i was never this bad' and all this ********. but like theyre really ********ing emotionally abusive and i have rlly bad anxiety and i just literally cant take it. its at the point where like im scared to come home because i dont want to get either hit or yelled at because i know everything i do nothing is good enough. like i cant bring home a report card with less than a 95 or im grounded. like if i make an A- i'm actually dead. and ive had this pressure for the last 8 years and i cant do it, im so sick of it and it sounds bad but i literally just hate it. so i talked to my mom because she knows how bad it is and she said i could try a semester there and if i still needed to leave then i could move up to chicago with her.
So essentially I'm just scared to talk to them about leaving. I don't know how they'll react, or what'll happen. I go back July 11th. I'm just so tired of it, they think they're being good parents but its not. I come home every day wanting to die, and the only reason I'm still here is because of my friends and mom. I can't stand living there for the next four years, I've already done it for 9. I read that in the courts (In my state at least, and if it even goes this far) that the child's opinion is taken into account once they are of age (I am) But as much as I absolutely hate living with them and how just emotionally manipulative they are I'm still going to feel bad for leaving. Like I'm doing something wrong and abandoning them and it feels really selfish but I dont think I can take it anymore. My mental health is honestly declining because of them, I think thats how most of my mental issues came about. Things like anxiety, depression, anorexia, all from their little comments and just constant yelling. I just live I fear and I've done it for 9 years and can't keep doing it.
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