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I don't know where I can go

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  • I don't know where I can go

    I'm 16 years old, 17 soon and I can't stay at home anymore. I live with my mom, brother and two sisters and I never felt loved by any of them.
    My dad beats me and for that reason I didn't see him since I was 10, I thought I'm happy with my mom, but it turned bad quickly, she yells, swears at me and beats me as well, not as much as my dad did, but it happens many times.
    She, my brother and my sisters have told me to kill myself, they told me to jump off of a building, die, live in the streets and die and such.
    They always side with my mom too, and when she beats me they follow us and laugh or try to annoy me.
    I also don't have a room and I feel like I have no privacy. Our house is very small and messy and it's very hard to do anything in it, I couldn't find anywhere to sit and practice digital art, which is a hobby of mine (bought the tablet and laptop with my own money), or even study comfortably.
    This year my grandparents decided to help my mom and let me live with them so she will have one less kid to worry about, I was very happy, my grades got very good and I never missed school, I also felt healthier both physically and mentally. When I was home, I felt depressed and anxious, last year it was really bad and I even stopped going to school for awhile, since I gave up on everything.
    Problem is, I can't stay here. My grandma says she is old and she already did hers with 4 kids of her own, and she doesn't want to take care of another one.
    She said she doesn't want me here and was only trying to help my mother while she is working. I can only be here when my mom is working, and she doesn't work much, next month, around my birthday, she gets 3 months off.
    I can't count on staying here, and i'm not sure I want to after hearing my grandma, she sounded just like my mom, she always says no one wants me including her.

    My question is, where can I go? I want to work in the summer but the money I'll get in 2 months will never be enough to go anywhere, and since the next school year is very important to me, i'm not sure if I could keep working, but i'd try, if I had to to, that if I even get a job, I can work well but i'm very quiet and it might lower my chances of getting a job.
    I'm too scared to do something big, like find another family, I guess. I'm even scared to tell anyone in case it hurts my brother and sisters, they rarely get the same treatment from my mother, and since they are young some other things don't bother them, and I don't want them to be taken as well.
    I just don't know what to do, are there any places I could go to? I thought about trying a boarding school, but i'm not sure I could afford it, or even get into one. I'm also living in a pretty poor area and i'm not sure if boarding schools here are what I need. If I found a good one, I could maybe get my family to pay since it's better than having me around them, it seems.
    Either way, any other ideas?

    I appreciate your help very much. Thank you.

  • #2
    Reply: I don't know where I can go

    Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

    We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You or your siblings do not deserve to be hurt in any way. If any of you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.

    You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. It may also be a good place to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody. We understand your feelings about what was said by your grandmother. It sounded like you were feeling better and doing better in school while living with her. There may be other options to look at in your area for alternative housing.

    You are welcome to call NRS and speak more about your situation.

    Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

    If you would like to talk more in detail please call 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) or chat soon through our website (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in.

    Be safe,
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

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