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I can't stay home anymore

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  • I can't stay home anymore

    My mom isn't physically abusive or anything, but every time I have a feeling or emotion she acts like I can't have emotions. She expects me to be the one cleaning up after three people, one I didn't even want to stay with us. She's constantly bringing in other people who we can't afford to have around or have the room for. We live in a one bedroom apartment and have four people living here. It's always too much. I share a room with my moms convict boyfriends daughter, and she sleeps in the living room with her best friend. There's never any room for me and her step daughter is constantly eating all the food. I basically only get table scraps once all three people have finished eating. I've resorted to hiding food away in my bras and underwear so I can eat. Speaking of clothes, I don't have a dresser or a closet because there's only one closet and all three people get to use it and the only thing I have in there is a box of books. My mom is also disabled and is constantly forcing me to take care of her. I have to give her showers and feed her and make her drinks and give her my phone or laptop whenever she decides she wants it. She was supposed to go buy groceries today and when her and her friend got home all she had gotten was non-essentials for her friend. I got one mini pizza and that was it. On top of all the people we have a ton of animals and people coming through that aren't supposed to be here. Her step daughter has a puppy and two birds while she had a cat and a dog. I have my own cat but I've raised her since birth and she usually keeps to herself anyway. I've tried many times to fix things with my mom. When things started getting to the point that I feared she might actually physically hurt me, I asked her if using the child support from my father if I could get my own place if I got a job and paid for everything while the child support and my social security paid for the rent but she told me my social security and child support were hers and I couldn't have them. That's when I finally considered running away. I have given her many options and am constantly telling her what I need from her to be a good mom but she says all I ever want from her is perfection. I just can't do this anymore. There's too many people, and too many rules, and I know how hard running away is but I've got friends in the LGBT community (I'm Trans) who she doesn't know about who have agreed to support me if I can help out and get a job, then they'll help me get emancipated as soon as I'm old enough so I can get on my feet. My mom loves to act like she's all supportive of me being trans but she always calls me by my dead name and calls me she. It's been three years since I came out. She always says I'm putting too much pressure on her to remember when it's hard but I've never harassed her for it, just said it hurt to be called that dead name. She once to my face told me I was ruining her dreams of having a daughter (She has two other daughters, how am I ruining anything???) and said me wanting a name change and testosterone was pointless and too much of a hassle. One time she wouldn't even make me a therapy appointment for my LGBT issues even though I tried to kill myself. (I'm Suicidal and depressed) I feel like the only thing left for me is to leave. Even if we could work things out everything will go back to being hell in a handbasket when her husband gets out of jail and starts living with us. (He's molested her and physically abused her before and I'm not willing to wait around for him to do it to me ever.) I'm so sorry this is so very long, but I really really need advice. I'm not sure how long I can do this anymore. I'm just so uncomfortable and don't know how to handle living anymore. I feel like I should at least attempt running away and trying to make a better life for myself before I just finally give in and kill myself. All I know is, I need to leave soon before her husband gets out or just off myself.

  • #2
    Thank you for reaching out to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand that it takes courage to seek help. We are sorry to hear about the issues that you are facing at home. It is understandable that you would want your own space. You mentioned that you are suicidal and depressed. Although you are going through a tough time right now, you are not alone. Your life matters ! Talking to someone about what you are going through could help. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255) is a great resource for support. There is also a helpline for Trans gender people, Trans Lifeline (1-877-565-8860) that you may find helpful. If you feel as though you are going to harm yourself, we encourage you to seek help immediately. It sounds like you are considering running away. Having a plan about where you would go and how you would take care of yourself is important. If you decide to runaway, your mom has the right to file a runaway report. With a runaway report, if the police find you they may return you home. Running away isn't against the law but if you were to stay with a friend, they may get charged with harboring a runaway. You could try asking your mom if she would allow you to stay with another family member or close friend. Another option that you have is contacting Child Protective Services and letting them know about the condition that you are living in and how your mother treats you. You may also want to consider looking into emancipation laws for your state. Please feel free to contact us directly via our 24 hour crisis hotline (1-800-786-2929), email, or live chat if you have any questions or just want to talk.

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