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I'm 19 and wanting to run away is that selfish?

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  • I'm 19 and wanting to run away is that selfish?

    I am 19 years old and feeling like i should really leave home now. My mother is always controling and gives me the guilt trip, i am not aloud to leave the house unless i am with her, she always bosses me around, i don't have any friends cause i was homeschooled. Everyone left my mom all my two brothers and two sisters already left home years ago even my dad left my mom. There is a teen shelter i can stay for a while. I always have to stay home while she works. I don't feel like i am getting anywhere with my life. I have this urge of leaving but afraid that it would hurt her. But when i mention to her that i want to leave she tells me to go, to call my dad or one of my siblings. I want to stay at a teen shelter. I'm at home so much that i have social anxiety and so afaird to walk outside alone, i don't even know how cross the street by myself. Should i leave, what should i do? i am so confused i have no one to talk to

  • #2
    Re: I'm 19 and wanting to run away is that selfish?

    Hello there,

    We are glad that you reached out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. Thank you for sharing your story. Your situation sounds really difficult. It must be really hard to feel trapped. It sounds like you don’t want to hurt your mom, but at the same time you have a desire to leave so that you can be more independent.

    We are not legal experts here, but in most states, once you are past the age of 18, you are no longer considered a runaway for leaving home. There are definitely a lot of things to think about when leaving home. Where you will stay, how you will get there, how you will pay for things, are all things to think about.

    It’s great that you are trying to find out what your options are and that you are looking into a teen shelter in your area. It’s also good that you have other family members that might be of some support. Do you think you would benefit from counseling resources for your social anxiety? If you decide to chat with us or call us, we would be happy to discuss with you your situation in more detail.

    Best of luck,
    NRS
    Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

    National Runaway Safeline
    [email protected] (Crisis Email)
    1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

    Tell us what you think about your experience!
    https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/YourOpinionMattersToUs

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm 19 and feel as though I can't do anything right. I'm pregnant and better off out of everyone's lives. My mind is made up and I'm leaving with a little of my belongings and $5 in cash...its better if I'm not in anyone's life.

      Comment


      • ccsmod0
        ccsmod0 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello,
        After reading your post we found that there are some similarities that you share with other users. We have attached a response that we have given to another user that we think might be useful for you as well. We care about you and want you to be safe. If you have any follow up questions please feel free to give us a call anytime. 1-800-786-2929
        Originally posted by ccsmod7 View Post
        Re: I'm 19 and wanting to run away is that selfish?
        Hello there,
        We are glad that you reached out to us here at the National Runaway Safeline. Thank you for sharing your story. Your situation sounds really difficult. It must be really hard to feel trapped. It sounds like you don’t want to hurt your mom, but at the same time you have a desire to leave so that you can be more independent.
        We are not legal experts here, but in most states, once you are past the age of 18, you are no longer considered a runaway for leaving home. There are definitely a lot of things to think about when leaving home. Where you will stay, how you will get there, how you will pay for things, are all things to think about.
        It’s great that you are trying to find out what your options are and that you are looking into a teen shelter in your area. It’s also good that you have other family members that might be of some support. Do you think you would benefit from counseling resources for your social anxiety? If you decide to chat with us or call us, we would be happy to discuss with you your situation in more detail.

        Best of luck,
        NRS

    • #4
      I'm almost 19 in two days and I have a controlling family I live with my dad and my older brother.. two days ago me and my brother got in an argument and he choked me ad slapped me .. I wanna leave but Everytime I try to my brother finds me. I need a way out I can't stand the abuse and I'm scared to tell the cops but I'm scared my brother might hurt me more .. what do I do ?

      Comment


      • ccsmod9
        ccsmod9 commented
        Editing a comment
        Since you are 19 you are more than likely considered a legal adult which means that you can move out if you want to and you won’t be considered a runaway. As a legal adult, you have a right to make your own decisions about where you live. We can help you make a plan for how to deal with your situation and help you find resources to land on your feet. Having a plan for where you will live and how you will survive once you move out can be very helpful. Moving can be a huge step, and you don’t have to be alone. Some steps you can take towards independence might be to find employment if you don’t have an income, or to save up money for moving expenses. It can also be helpful to research rents in your area, find a roommate, or make a budget. Another thing you might want to consider is what kinds of things you depend on your parents for currently such as tuition expenses for school, or health insurance, and whether they would continue to provide those things after you leave. There may be social service agencies in your area that can help meet some of these needs, such as Transitional Living Programs, a kind of shelter where young adults can live and get services to help them transition to independent living. We are here to listen and help however we can. Please feel free to contact us through phone at (1-800-786-2929) or online through our chat option at www.1800runaway.org
        Best Wishes NRS

    • #5
      Hey I am 21 and I don't want to leave here at home....as I don't want live at anybody's life or place because no one excatly wants me....I was pregnant then I had an abortion we had having 3 years relationship ...now just now I learned that he is ditching me ...I am feeling very much lonely and like a burden in everyone's life....as I already ditch my parents because of this fake guy who break my trust my heart ...made me pregnant and now abortion ...from that abortion many problems arising...so now I am physically and mostly mentally hurt...deep down and I don't want to live...though I have nothing with me

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Thank you for reaching out to us at the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and we understand it takes courage to reach out for help. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

        We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

    • #6
      I’m 19 and I plan on running away soon, my parents are swamped with payments for my tuition and bills on top of bills. I’m tired of burdening them and I want to leave, I haven’t much money or identification to get me anywhere out of America but I think any place that’s slightly permanent would be better than inconveniencing them at home, I don’t even make money so I don’t really see how I’m helping them in anyway.

      Comment


      • ccsmod15
        ccsmod15 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi, thank you for reaching out to us, we are glad that you did. It sounds like things are stressful at home with financial obligations. As far as running away, in all but a few states, a person who’s 19 isn’t running away in the technical sense, so there are no legal ramifications involved. Leaving the country does involve getting a passport and to stay in another country, you’d at least need a visa, so you’d have to do some research.

        It sounds like you may want to talk to your parents about your plan. Maybe your future in college is something they are willing to sacrifice for. Maybe you can get a job while in school to help with the bills. It’s possible to feel like a burden when you’re not one in reality. We hope that you might contact us to discuss this further. We are here to listen and to help and we would really like to do that.

        You can reach us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 (1-800-runaway) or with live chat through our website, 1800runaway.org Either way, we would be able to talk together to help you discover your options.

        We hope this helps
        NRS

    • #7
      So I'm 19 and planning to leave, I got strict parents who are religious like crazy. And me, that's not me. They don't let me go out with my friends, or even to the park... So I've had a job for 4 years but they have kept\used my money and I don't know what to do! I don't have my credit card but I've made a little plan and my friend is willing to let me live with him and pay rent aswell but its in another state. Should I risk it and go to the bank and tell them give me another card and see how much I have, if there "enough" there should I leave my job and go to there and find another job? Coz I can't stand this man, I asked them I wanna join the army... They said no... I asked them can I do carpentry... They said u got no skills "No". If I do this what can happen? They probably will try and find me should I leave a note before hand?

      Comment


      • ccsmod1
        ccsmod1 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hey there,

        Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. The National Runaway Safeline is located in the United States of America (USA). Our knowledge of helpful community based resources and our understanding of youth in crisis related laws is limited to the USA. If you are located in a country outside of the USA, you can use this link to find a youth helpline in or around your country: https://www.childhelplineinternation...pline-network/.

        We hope that by reaching out to a local resource, you are able to get the support you need from an organization that understands the laws and circumstances that affect youth in your country.

        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #8
      Hello! I found your website and hoping for your advice. I am 19 years old college student from another country out of US. I have strict and overprotective parents. I got a college admission package from America and I decided to ask my parents if I could move out and learn how to be independent on my own . They refused obviously. They said I am useless and ungrateful and at the same time selfish child who doesn’t care about my parents and guilt tripped me. I am an only child and love my parents a lot like no other.I really want to cry when I heard those words out of their mouth. I always listen to them And do whatever they wish. I don’t ask for a lot of things but just moving out and make my own path and job.I have my savings but they are in my parent’s hands. what should I do? I don’t want to break our relationship bond and make them hate me.Please help me....

      Comment


      • ccsmod4
        ccsmod4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi,
        Thanks for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline.

        It sounds like you are in a tough situation and may be looking for some options to help cope with everything. You don’t deserve to be subjected to such harsh words from your parent’s.
        We understand how difficult it must have been to speak to hear those things.
        You are very brave for going to your parent’s and expressing your wishes and for also considering being far away from home and beginning a new chapter of your life.
        Good for you. We understand you are in a difficult position with trying to make a decision. We cannot tell you what to do. You know your situation best.
        NRS would like you to know we are here to support you at this difficult time.

        Let us know how we might help, please contact us at 1-800-Runaway (786-2929) orwww.1800Runaway.org (live chat). NRS is here to listen and here to help.
        Having a space to vent and explore options may often bring out a solution previously not thought of. We can best help by phone or chat. If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

        Take care,
        NRS

    • #9
      Hello, I’m 19 and i don’t know what to do anymore. I live in an asian household where we have to be perfect, but mg
      stepmother is toxic. she mentally, physically, emotionally abuses us..telling us that we are worthless, disappointments, and many more.. if if get anything lower than an A, she freaks out and takes it out on us.

      Comment


      • ccsmod3
        ccsmod3 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hi there,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and you mentioned being harmed. We’re sorry you’re going through this. You don't deserve to be hurt in any way. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You may also be able to report any mistreatment to CPS. Child Help USA 1-800-422-4453 www.childhelp.org is an organization that helps protect minors from being harmed. They can tell you more about how CPS could respond to your situation. If you ever need assistance calling out to CPS to make an abuse or neglect report please call is at 1-800-RUNAWAY.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. You are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please chat soon through our website www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button) if you are unable to call in. We unfortunately cannot give advice as we are non-directive. You know your situation best
        We hope to hear from you soon.
        Be safe,
        NRS

    • #10
      I’m 19, and my family treats me like a disappointment. I can never leave the house because They don’t allow it and don’t like anything I do. I have done everything they’ve expected of me but along the way I have developed anxiety from the nasty comments we make to each other. Our family fights a lot and tolerate each other at times. I have a place to stay if I leave but I keep thinking If that’s the right thing.. I just can’t stand all this hate anymore and I just want to get out or this house.

      Comment


      • ccsmod4
        ccsmod4 commented
        Editing a comment
        Hello,
        Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS).

        We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things in your life right now.

        Family conflict can make for an upsetting and frustrating time.
        It sounds like you’re feeling like that the stress from the situation is getting harder and harder to handle.
        We are sorry you are going through a tough emotional time.

        Sometimes when things seem too stressful it might help to talk with someone about it.
        Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this.
        NRS is here to listen and here to help.
        We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
        If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon.

        Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
        You are welcome to discuss your situation and talk about possible options for help. What you did today by reaching out was great. Good job.

        We hope to hear from you soon.

        Take care,
        NRS
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