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Run away or suicide?

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  • Run away or suicide?

    I'm 17 years old. My brother, whom is 24 years old, spent five years in prison, and he just came home in September. A few months ago, we got into an argument, over him disrespecting our mom, and he hit me in my face. I tried to call the police but my mom wouldn't let me. This past Sunday, we got into another argument and he began yelling at me and cursing me out. He hit me in my face twice and when I went to call the police, he tried to stop me. He was threatening me and saying that if I called the police that he'd kill me and he'd "really beat the you know what out of me. My mom didn't want me to call the police, and said that she'd just make him move out, but she's told me that before and she doesn't follow through. I filed assualt charges and now he's trying to get me to drop them. Right now, I have a protective order against him, but it end July 13th. I want to get a protective order for longer than that date, but I don't think my mom will allow me to. My brother says that he doesn't have anywhere to live and he's homeless right now. I keep feeling horrible at the thought of him being homeless and going back to jail. I just feel like if I left, everybody would be happier. My mom would get to be with her son and my brother wouldn't be homeless. My dad left 2 years ago, and I feel like it's my fault. If I weren't around, my mom and him would probably still be married. I've attempted suicide several times, and my mom knows about it. I want counseling, but she doesn't think I need it, and she can't really afford it. I want to try suicide again and hopefully be successful at it, but whenever I take pills, it doesn't work, and I'm too afraid to cut with a sharp blade. Running away seems like my only other option, but I don't have anywhere to run to and if I did, it'd probably only be temporary. Please help me.

  • #2
    Re: Run away or suicide?

    thanks for taking the time to check out our site and post a bulletin.
    We are sorry to hear about the problem you are having with your brother but would also
    like to recogonize your courage and strength in how you chose to handle the assault on you by your brother. It shows you do value yourself as a person and that you have respect for your mom and did not appreciate how she was being treated in her home by your brother. You wrote runaway or suicide as being options but do they really have to be? you said your mom has said before she would have him leave but did not follow through. Hasn"t your mom shown you some support by having your brother leave and filing the assault charge leading to a restraining order for your protection? Does that give you the feeling she cares about you? What about the way you stood up for yourself over the incident with him? Does that seem like someone who wants to die? You demostrated compassion for your brother by mentioning that you are concerned about him being homeless or going back to jail. Would it be fair for you to carry the guilt for your brother's actions? If you think about it what were the choices he could have made that day other than hitting you? what about him walking away and not striking you? Could he have chose not putting himself in a position to have to answer to the police about his choice of action? You said you have tried suicide and failed and would have liked to gone into counseling but ither your mom did not think you needed it or she could'nt afford it. We have a national database with services for counseling that could range from free to minimal cost. Some may be face to face or by phone perhaps you will consider calling our 1-800 runaway 24hr hotline so that we might try and help you find something in your area. Here are a few for you to have now.

    Covenant House Nine Line- 1-800- 999-9999
    Families Anonymous - 1-800-736-9805
    National Suicide Hotline- 1-800-273-Talk (8255)

    It is our hope that this tough time you are going through gets resolved and that we have been a help in your time of need. Please remember we are available 24hrs if you should want to talk.

    Take Care


    • #3
      Re: Run away or suicide?

      Thank you so much for your help. I went to bed lastnight feeling bad, but when I woke up this morning, I went to this bulletion board and I feel better. Thank you a lot.


      • #4
        Re: Run away or suicide?

        We are so glad to hear you are feeling better. Please know that if you ever need us in the future, our hotline is available 24/7. You can always post another bulletin too! Best of Luck.
        Please remember you can reach us directly by calling our 24 hour hotline, 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) or through our Live Chat.

        National Runaway Safeline
        [email protected] (Crisis Email)
        1-800-RUNAWAY (24 Hour Hotline)

        Tell us what you think about your experience!


        • #5
          I want to runaway but I'm thinking about hiding in stores and just walking to school


          • ccsmod0
            ccsmod0 commented
            Editing a comment
            Hi there,
            Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. We can best help by phone or chat as NRS is unable to respond more than twice by email or bulletin for assistance. If you would like to talk more in detail and share more about how we can help specifically, please call or chat soon.
            Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); (click on the chat button).
            If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately.
            We hope to hear from you soon.
            Be safe,
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