My parents make me want to kill myself

Hi I don’t really know where to start with this but I have no one I can go to that can do anything about what’s going on in my life so I guess I’ll just try my best to type this out I can’t stop screaming and crying, I have panic attacks a lot and I think it’s starting to mess with my head a lot, me and my parents don’t get along and haven’t for the past year we argue and scream daily multiple times a day and my dad claims to be reliable and religious but really he fronts off to people he’s really ********ing mean to me he hasn’t hit me but recently we have been getting in physical fights where I can’t even swing bc he is big I am really small and skinny but he always body slams me and holds me on the ground until I fight for my life to get a gasp of air everytime this happens, I can’t do this anymore he’s making me want to end it all I honestly want to harm myself but I know it’ll just get me put into a mental facility and my anxiety can’t gandlw that. I’m 17 and the only times I’ve had to deal with cops were because my dad and I had fought so now I look like the bad guy I currently have a battery charge for hitting my dad in the arm after he slammed my head into the light switch, and I got terroristic threatening charge for telling him I’d kill him for it. It was I the heat of the moment but the law doesn’t care, I’m a minor why would my word matter and why would this Christian pastor father hit his so is what they always say, I’m just a rebellious kid and I don’t have any problems with me is what they keep saying yet my counselor and my doctors have told them multiple times I have a lot of issues from this ******** even ptsd, my anxiety triggers to a lot of the thugs you see in everyday life, I literally can’t live a day without having a panic attack and wanting to end it all in the moment, it’s been like this for too long and yet I have to wait even longer until I’m out of this place, I’m just scared to even call the domestic hotline bc I am scared of government officials like cops I have bad ptsd, I don’t know what to do... I have to call suicide hotline a lot so they can calm me down when my dad causes me to have a panic attack. I would keep typing but it’s really hard to type while crying and hating my life so I’m going to end this not that anyone could help I just needed to say what was on my mind

[ccsmod3]

Hello –

Thank you for contacting us here at the National Runaway Safeline. We understand that it takes great courage to reach out. We are sorry to hear about the way you have been treated. It can not be easy to deal with a father whose behavior you can not rely on. Just because your father has been able to support you does not make his verbal abuse any easier to deal with.

Depending on what you are looking for, a great resource for you could be the National Child Abuse Hotline. You can reach them at 1-800-422-4453. You can call them anonymously to learn about the abuse reporting process, or directly report abuse to this line. They are a good resource for talking through your options if there is verbal/mental abuse going on at home.

Additionally, another option could be to utilize our conference call service. This conference call service is a moderated conversation by a member of the NRS where you set the guidelines and goals in order to have a productive conversation that can mutually benefit your life at home. It could be helpful to talk things out in regards to how your dad makes you and your siblings feel.

We hope the information provided helps. Remember we are available 24/7 and can be toll-free reached at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929). We are confidential, anonymous, and non-direct. We can also be reached via live chat between 4:30pm and 11:30pm CST.

Best Wishes
~NRS

Hi, I don't really know how to put this but, I don't come from a particularly bad home- my parents have done more than enough for me and my younger brother and sister- but my dad is so volatile, sometimes he's quite amicable, but he's extremely volatile and just switches in an instant and verbally abuses me until I feel like a total waste of space and I've contemplated suicide and running away (I don't think I have the balls for either) but I can't describe how low and empty he makes me feel after his outbursts. He acts similarly to my mum in that way, nice one minute and then the next she's crying. I would be so grateful if I can have some advice on solving the matter because sometimes it seems as if it's getting better (as in he hasn't been verbally abusive in a while) and then he abruptly starts again, and I would be unspeakably grateful if I was able to finally put an end to his outbursts.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and we are glad that you decided to contact us.

We are sorry to hear that you are going through so much stress. You don't deserve to treated like that or hurt in any way. Your life is important and worth living. If you ever have thought about hurting yourself you can call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK(8255) or live chat with them at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline...elineChat.aspx. If you’d like some additional support you can also reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) by calling 800-950-6264 or by texting NAMI to 741741. Additionally you can can also contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help locating local resources by calling 1-877-726-4727 or going to their website at www.samhsa.gov.

If there is any abuse at home you have the option to file an abuse report. You can call Child Help USA at 1-800-422-4453 and they can help provide you more info on filing an abuse report.
If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

You are acting strong by reaching out for help. We wish you the best and hope to hear from you soon.

All the best,
NRS

Hi I'm 17 and I was hoping I could get some advice on how to deal with things at home when they aren't doing so great because I'm losing hope and I can't really turn to that many people I used to and I didn't know who else to contact and yeah so I'm here... Anyways I read through some of the replies to other people and thought if they can get help maybe I can but I don't want to get my hopes up I've been depressed for a while now since I'm having a hard time dealing with issues at home and I just was hoping If y'all wouldn't mind taking the time and giving me advice on what I should do instead of thinking sucide is the only way out because at this point I don't know what to think about to much stuff keeps happening that I can't control making me doubt things and doubt everyone in general and I'm starting to have really bad trust issues again with people who I know will always be there for me but I've been let down so many times by people I thought I could ''trust'' and I'm sorry this is really long but I just want anyone doesn't matter who it is to help me because at this point I don't know who to turn to or talk to these days I'm scared I will tell the wrong person something and that will lead to many problems along the way... Anyway I hope and pray that as I write this I can look back at this from now and be reminded of the people who took their time to read this and help me and for that I am forever grateful

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so much tension, everyone should be able to feel comfortable and safe in their own home. Everyone deserves help if they feel they need it! It sounds like living with your dad is really stressing you out.

You mentioned that you have anxiety which can lead to panic attacks. It can be really hard to face mental health issues on your own. If you’d like some additional support you can always reach out to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) by calling 800-950-6264 or by texting NAMI to 741741. You can also contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) for help locating local resources by calling 800-662-4357 or going to their website at www.samhsa.gov.

It’s great to hear that going to your room can provide some respite from your dad. It might be a good idea to brainstorm some other ways that you can get a reprieve from the situation. Some ideas are going to a friend or relatives house, joining after school clubs/teams, joining recreational groups, etc. If you do want help communicating with your dad on option may be family counseling. You can also call us directly to schedule a conference call so we can help mediate a conversation to open up a dialog.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

I’ve always thought about writing to one of these forum things but I always feel like my problems aren’t big enough to recieve help. Anyway I’m just so ********ing tired of putting up with my dad that I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. He constantly tells me I ruin his day when I am upset and that he hates coming home to me if something has me down. It’s been like this for years and he constantly tries to complain to my mother about me even though I can hear everything he says from my room. So in addition to what he tells me I also hear him talk about how I can’t cope with anything and he hates that I give up on things and wishes I was less anxious and apathetic. It’s been like this for around 8 years and I just feel like I have snapped. I feel like my only respite is my room but he can just come in whenever. He also scares me so much when he is angry it gives me panic attacks (I have severe anxiety). He always promises to get better and be nicer to me but whenever I ask him to follow his promise he gets mad and says that he is the victim and I always disrespect him and never mean anything I say. I really want to give up and I have very little to keep me going so please help me.

[ccsmod10]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live into a home with so much tension. No one deserves to be emotionally or psychologically abused. You should be treated with respect and feel comfortable in your home.

You mentioned that you have previously attempted to kill yourself. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

It’s great to hear that your boyfriend and friends are able to provide you support and are a reprieve from the verbal and psychological abuse. If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

Hey um......I..I really need to talk to someone about this, please help me, its about my father, day after day he treats me like his emotional punching bag, he doesn’t care about how I feel or how his words hurt me, he only cares about what he wants, he mentally and verbally abuses me, blames all his and my mothers problems on me and a couple days ago he said I was the reason he was never able to finish college.....insinuating that I ruined his adult life, everyday he makes me feel like a failure,my mother doesn’t care, she actually lets him do it, she watches as he screams at me, and she yells at me because she doesn’t want him yelling at her about his problems so they put this on me instead, he’s never there for me, my dad is completely emotionally numb, he doesn’t give a ******** about how I feel he could care less about what makes me happy, to be honest I don’t expect him to show up to my graduation,I doubt I’ll even make it there because my grades are failing with the constant depression I am going through because of this family and when I try to talk to my mother about it I just get ridiculed and judged as if I’m wrong to feel so hurt and broken, the only happiness I have is my friends and my girlfriend, they feel like more of a family at this point, I find myself missing their company greatly on weekend,but hating being around my actually family, it just all hurts, I’ve tried to kill myself twice last year over my father and I feel like this entire family is driving me to that point,i don’t know what to do anymore,my dad never has and never will be there for me in my worst moments becuase he’s to busy not caring or laughing at me,at least I know how not to raise children, my father a horrible example and if I got anything out of being around him, it makes me wanna make sure my own children never go through the same thing,but that’s besides the point, what am I going to do, someone please talk to me I’m falling apart.

[ccsmod2]

We are really glad that you reached out and it takes a lot of strength. It can be really exhausting and difficult to work through feelings of wanting to end it all. Your situation may seem helpless, but you are not alone and we are here to help. If you are having suicidal feelings you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text CONNECT to 741741 if you need someone to talk to. There are people who care about you and resources where you can find support to help you cope with the feelings that you are having. It can be really helpful to feel like you have a strong support system. If there are any family members, friends, teachers, or other adults you feel comfortable with you could try talking to them about how you are feeling. Please do not hesitate to call us at 1-800-786-2929 if you need someone to talk to or need help. We are here 24/7 to listen and support you.

i just want to end it all i’m only thirteen and i’m already so done with my life. i’ve gone through therapy and no one can fix me.

[ccsmod3]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out to us here at NRS. From what you shared, it sounds like you’re in a really difficult situation and we are here to help you as best we can.It is very brave to share what has been going on at home. It sounds like it is a tough situation and this is a great step to look for help. We are going to talk about a few things and if you want to talk further or brainstorm other ideas, we are here 24/7 over our phone lines (1-800-RUNAWAY) and we also have an online chat system as well.

First, it sounds like home is not a good place right now and we are sorry to hear that. It is not okay for your dad to treat you how you talked about and him hurting you is not okay. We aren’t legal experts but generally, the age of adulthood is 18 years old which means if you are under that age, your parents/guardians are legally responsible for you and where you live. This means if you do decide to leave home, your parent/guardian can reach out to the non-emergency police to file a runaway report. If you are found, you will be returned to home, but if you do not feel safe, you can tell the police department and they would involve Child Protective Services to investigate. We are always here to talk about what reporting to CPS looks like and Child Help (1-800-422-4453) can always be a resource to talk to. We are also always here for you to talk about what reporting can look like but also how to stay safe and if you feel like you need to leave home.
Your safety is always important and we truly care about you and what you are going through is not okay. If you are in an emergency you have the right to call 911 if you feel unsafe with you dad. We hope to hear from you soon and don’t hesitate to reach out again.

Best, NRS

Today was a tough day, I have finally had it with my father, even though he isnt drinking anymore, he still sprained my ankle a few months ago and i live in constant fear of being hurt, today after a fight i beat holes in my wall and broke a picture and a door in my room. i then ran to my grandparents and am hiding here, i dont feel safe at home and the emotional stress makes me want to die if I even come close. I am 15 years old and live in Michigan, Can i live with my grandparents full time?

[ccsmod6]

Thank you for contacting the National Runaway Safeline. You are not worthless! The way your dad treats you says more about his own character than it does about yours. You have experienced a great deal of pain and you are resilient for having made it to today. If you are feeling suicidal, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 800 273 8255. At the NRS, we do provide a service where we can mediate a conference call between youth and their parents. We do our best to make sure that everyone not only gets to say their piece, but also to seriously listen to the other person. If you are interested in this or exploring what other options you might have, please do not hesitate to reach out to us on our 24/7 hotline 1-800-RUNAWAY or on chat at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

My dad is verbally abusive. He makes me feel worthless and I just hate him so much. My mom won’t do anything about it. She just stands there and watches. I already tried to kill myself because of him. The police came and took me to the mental hospital. They always just complain about the bills. They never asked me if I was okay. They just constantly guilt trip me. I’m telling my dad that he was the reason I tried to kill my self tomorrow, and if that doesn’t work out well, I don’t know what I’ll do.