My parents make me want to kill myself

[ccsmod9]

We’re sorry to hear that you have been facing abuse at home. No one deserves to be treated that way. You deserve to live in a place that is safe and affirming. It is brave of you to reach out for help, and we want to thank you for contacting us.
You sound mature and strong. It seems like you are speaking up for yourself and trying to explain to your father that his behavior is hurtful. There is no excuse for someone to be abusive, and ultimately it is up to your father to change his behavior. It must be frustrating to not be heard. One option you have if you continue to face abuse is to contact your local police to make a report. If you would like, you can reach out to us by phone and we can help you make the report.
You mentioned that what your father has done to you has led you to have feelings of ending your life. You are important and your life matters. If you are ever thinking about ending your life, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
We are here 24/7 to help, and we encourage you to reach out by phone or chat soon to help create a plan that is best for you

Hello im 18 years old ,i dont really know what to say ,ive been thinghking of killing myself for a while nlw but dont now how to do it easaly my life looks so great but its actually really hard with a father thats abuses me and think that its ok to do so because he thinks it ok with God he is a very spiritual man thays why its hard to reach out and find the right answers and i know he wont believe me if i say its wrong and when i tried het hitted me again so please just tell me what is an easy way to go without more pain

[ccsmod15]

Hello,

You know, you are so brave for opening up about all that. A lot of people just keep that bottled up inside, which isn't healthy. So thank you for reaching out to us. That shows so much maturity on your part.

What you're going through IS very difficult, no doubt about that. You have the right to feel understood, accepted, and loved. It's absolutely not right that your dad is treating you this way. You don't deserve to be threatened by him or harmed emotionally or physically. You shouldn't have to live in fear. Frankly, if you feel like you would like to make an abuse report, you have the right to do that. But that's up to you. We never tell anyone what to do.

Of course, we don't want you to die by suicide or hurt yourself. But we realize that your thoughts and feelings are coming from a place of deep pain and we respect and honor that. Please know that many people have been in a similar place to what you are going through and they've found that, despite how bleak things may look now, life CAN get better -- and almost always does. Suicide is often painful and terrifying. Usually, attempts at suicide do not work and there is a lot of regret afterwards. Please don't feel ashamed for cutting. You're in a tough spot and are just trying to sort out your feelings and how to cope. There's going to be some confusion involved. But, of course, we hope you don't cut anymore.

Talking things through is always a good idea, especially if you can actually, literally talk on the phone. We would really love to talk to you if you give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You may find that simply hearing someone's voice and expressing yourself to be somewhat comforting. Plus, we might be able to brainstorm some ideas on how the situation can be improved or at least made bearable. We are confidential and don't judge. And we accept you for who you are. Another option would be to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or if you are in immediate danger dial 911. A really great website on cutting and self-harm is https://twloha.com/. You will find a lot of support there. Also, there is some great info and opportunities for support at https://www.nami.org/#.

Hopefully, this helps a bit. Please give us a call or contact us through chat by visiting our website's chat forum at www.1800runaway.org. Please stay safe. You have a lot to live for. We hope to hear from you soon.

NRS

my dad just makes me feel worthless. he hurts me more emotionally than physically but still will hit me. every single aspect of my life is controlled by him and it makes me feel like I am in jail wherever I am. I don't fit in. I just can't. i'm 16 years old and on the surface I act fine but deep down im just so depressed that it hurts to get up in the morning. I know people will say "but you do get up in the morning and you shouldn't kill yourself cause you can survive etc." but the only reason I get up is because if I don't my dad will drag me out of bed and will probably beat me. He threatens to hurt and kill me all the time and quite frankly im terrified. If I'm going to die it's gonna be on my terms and no one elses but I think my dad might actually kill me one of these days. Im pansexual and proud of it, but my dad is muslim and incredibly homophobic. If he even knew what I was he would kill me. like really murder me. I'm, terrified and traumatised and I just can't handle this at all. What kind of 16 year old should deal with this? I cut myself for the first time in 3 years 3 days ago and I cannot believe it. I swore to myself I would never do it again but sometimes I hurt so much emotionally that physical pain almost helps to relieve it. I don't feel emotions other than depression and anxiety, I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy and not just faking it to pretend my life is normal. I just hurt. when he insults me and yells at me and hits me I feel like im on fire and emotionally overwhelmed, and the only way to let it out is by cutting. I hate myself for cutting and haven't needed to in a long time because I had gotten stronger, but recently I just can't cope with all the stress from home and stress from school. its literally going to kill me. Anyways just thought i'd vent for a minute. It's not as if this is actually going to prevent me from killing myself is it, it's just going to be another post on another suicidal forum. I hate life.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It seems like you are going through a difficult time right now. It can be hard to feel alone and like no one cares. Just know that there are people that care and willing to provide support.
You mentioned wanting to kill yourself. We want you to know that you are valuable and there are people that care about you. If you are ever feeling suicidal or just need someone to talk to please call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline. They can be reached at 1800-273-8255. Also you might want to consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on, they may be able to provide you with resources and help.
We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support. Best of luck!
NRS

I'm in highshcool and its really hard I have been through so much and my parents don't care. they think there money and a few pills will fix it all when I ask my mom to talk she just starts talking about her self when I go to eat they just sit infront of me and stare saying I'm gaining weight after the doctors said I needed to weigh more they say ill never get to college or be anything if some one asks me if
I want kill myself and I say yes
why
because of them
no one on any help line will help without my parents knowing
and because it would be better for everyone that way

[ccsmod1]

Hey,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing such a personal story. We know that it takes a lot of courage to do so. It sounds like there are a lot of issues at play right now which are making you feel uncomfortable at home. No one deserves to be abused (not even your dogs) and you deserve to live somewhere where you are safe.

In addition to abuse and neglect, you mentioned a couple of things about child pornography and your dogs being beaten - both of these are illegal and you are well within your rights to report this to the police. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe yourself, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering, as can any teacher or faculty member at your school. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

If you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

I feel tired with life when I my "mom" was pregnant almost nobody from the family knew years before I was born my mom had been kidnapped, raped and had been severily tourtured with cigars and injected with drugs the kidnappers cut her hair and beated her when they where tired of her they tried to drown her until they thought she was dead she was found naked and sevirely beaten up police never found the kidnappers but since my mom was little she has gone through a lot of things being abdoned by her mom and dad and having to take care of her siblings she didn't have a nice childhood she lived in a very poor town suffered hunger and much more.A few days after I was born my grandpa got killed by one of his sons I don't remember anything but i know it affected my family a lot when I was 1-5 i had a normal and happy childhood having everything I wanted but things changed when my mom got possessed by a spirit that would make her suicidal and starve I still remember this vividly when it was my six birthday i wished that my uncle came back from Pennsylvania with his girlfriend and kid I've never met them before but i heard such great things about him that it made me like him without even knowing him properly.And after i whised that my mom got possessed which made my uncle and his family come to our home.And oh boy it was the worst wish i could of made, before he even had come I didn't go to school so I missed pre-k and kindergarden and my first grade year was absolute sh*t my teacher made me feel worthless and stupid cause I didn't know how to read because my mom never taught me how to write,read or anything for school I always cried before school and after school because of her once my uncle's girlfriend bleached my hair and put highlights and my teacher made fun of me and made me feel disgusting and ugly and unwanted I also couldn't speak English properly on second grade I became a lot more productive had decent grades and smarter (I forgot to mention on 1st grade my uncle hit me with a belt because I closed a door and slamed my grandmas fingers on accident and I ranned to a family friends house because I was scare the family friend told me to go with him and apologize so I tried to do it but when i got there he hit me on the front lawn infront of neighbors who heard me scream and cry but didn't do sh*t to stop him or call the police he was i had peeped my self because I was so scared amd suffering then eventully he gave me to my mom and SHE DO SH*T NOBODY DID my aunt and mom say he wasnt always like that but when he met his wife he changed the wife has gone through some stuff too but that doesnt give her any purposes to do the same to our family my 6-11 or 10 phase was sh*t too i had to stay in my room scared to come out and be constanly yelled by him and just mentally abused, my aunt was treated like a maid and a babysitter without any paid to take care of my uncles and wifes daughter and when my aunt and mom got there checks he would always take them away so ww never had that much money because of this monster fault i had drepression,anxiety and social anxiety i (still do and worse)didnt have much friends in school because I was the smart kid and geeky and awkard my uncle just made our lives a livimg hell and my mom wasnt there to love me or take care of me because she had to work and always left me with my aunt who was a mother figure to me (i forgot to say that my mom was my dads sidechick so he never really cared about me and would always spend my moms hard earned money on games he and my mom where addicted to the games where you could win money and spend all there money there and was left alone on the store with them playing unsupervised just trying to make time fly, she has also had several other boyfriends who treat her like absolute sh*t) My mom fell in love with this horrible man while she was with us he's a monster too he didn't work and just lived with the money of my mom at first i liked him he was kind would buy me stuff to eat and was just chill but then he showed his true colors he just looked at other woman naked on facebook and would tell the whole family and showed me an underage girl pictures too he did nothing but just not talk and stay staring at the phone so did my mom so I guess they are perfect for each other once I looked at his phone history and saw porn of underage girls this was when we first met him so i didn't say anything I also knew if i told my mom she wouldn't of believed me.And he was a underage "daughter" too i say "daughter because is not her biological daughter hee mom was pregnant before meeting him and she doesn't know that but almost everyone in my family of 3 know its absolutey disgusting that he looked at porn of underage girls while having a daughter.My mom left with him leaving me behind because my uncle made her chose between leaving with her boyfriend or staying and she decided to leave.The day before me and my aunt decided to leave my aunt and him had a major argument wish was the cherry on top to make her leave (my aunts says her brothers *my uncle* wife is jeaulous of her because she lost weight when she had her tumor remove and that my uncles wife can't look as skinny and pretty as her ,thats very mean to say but my uncles wife has been a devil with us.When we left that hell i thought my life could changed around but no i entered another wish now I can't escape we went to my mom's boyfriend's sister's house she is super mean with our family we couldnt use the fridge,living room,kitchen,sofa,tv only the one bedroom we four shared and a bathroom my mom once decided to get a 2 dog for me (and here comes the future tourture) animal abuse he always hit the poor small dogs i couldn't do anything because no one would belive me and my aunt and mom dont do sh*t to stop him he has a crimanal history of theaft/stealing. -October 2 , 2018- was they day my grandma died which affected my aunt a lot.When we got tired of the insults she would tell us daily we left to leave in apartments I just hate my family this could of been our chance to leave without my moms boyfriend who didn't treat her right but no my mom decided to bring/come with him the it has gotten worse he says he wants to kill the dogs who arent his because sometimes they do bad things that untrained dogs do he tortures the poor dogs to the point of bleeding and broken bones and i can hear the poor cries of the dogs when they are abuse by this monster i've tried multiple times to stop him from hitting the dogs but he pushes me and i feel like if i dont move he would hit me too I BEG TO GOD TO HELP ME (MY AUNT AND MOM WITNESS HIM HITTING THE DOGS BUT DONT DO ANYTHING) I know my aunt just doesnt care about the dogs and my mom is *in love with him* but i wish i could help them but i know if i call police either they are not gonna belive me or i am going to ruined her 16 old daughters heart who just clearly uses my mom and him for money mainly him and my moms heart and when ever he hits the dogs and yells at me for nothing my mom just defends him amd always chooses him before me i have asked her before are Am I adopted?Why did you have me if you dont love me?Why didnt you abort me? I just need some love and affection i now realized my aunt the "only mother figure ive had" manipulates me treats me bad and doesn't take love me.I just want to stop feeling this pain and stop crying everyday being torture by the people who i thought loved me.I wish my mom loved me and took care of me and just didnt give me money to be "happy" i feel useless,unwanted,hated,manipulated and so many more things.I hate how mom acts like everything is fine and just is blinded I hope she realizes how much she needed me when I am gone same goes to my aunt the only family i have.Because none of our other family supports us talks to us.




If you read all of that thank you and if feel the same way as me I hope you get better.Any advice?

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing what's been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. Your dad's actions are completely unacceptable and there is absolutely no reason that he should do these things to you, your mom, and your brother. You should not have had to take on the burden and the responsibilities that were forced upon you because of your dad's actions. There is a lot of pride to be had in yourself for the strength and maturity that you have been able to develop despite the circumstances.

We care a lot about your safety here at NRS and your dad's abuse raises a lot of concern. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering.

Leaving a situation where your partner hurts you can be really hard and it sounds like your mom is scared to do so. There are a lot of reasons that people stay in abusive relationships (money, stability, fear of further violence, love, judgment from others). You can always suggest that your mom try calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 800-799-7233 or going to thehotline.org. They may be able to help create a plan for your mom to leave your dad or create a safety plan in case your dad acts like this again.

The living situation that your dad created sounds really hard and it makes sense that you would feel empty as a result. You mentioned that because of this feeling you have previously tried to kill yourself. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.
Stay safe,
NRS.

I'm desperate.Since I was 5 I always saw my parents fight.About three years ago I found out everything.My mom didn't even want to marry my Fu***ng dad. When my mom was pregnant with me my dad hit her multiple times.And he always changes in front of all our relatives so no one thinks something is wrong with our family.I always was a smart child when they would fight in the car I ALWAYS used to whisper in my mom's ear that she should let him talk by himself so she doesn't get hurt.And about three years ago I was 12 and my brother 3-4 and one night my father hit my mom's head on the door and strangled her in front of me and my little brother.That night I ran away with my mom and my brother and she reported him to the police. They said if that ever happens again he'll go to jail.But he said that if we put him in jail that when he gets out he'll kill my mom.At school I ALWAYS went through bullying for being the serious kid. I am 14 and I am a girl. Everyday my mom gets verbally abused and my father yells at her that she can't do anything right and she is not raising me and my brother right. The past 2-3 years i started getting verbally abused by my father too, last year also I asked him something and he grabbed me from the back of my neck and told me never argue with him. He ALWAYS tells me I don't know to do anything and that probably when I'll grow up I'll be a failure. He tells me I'm dysfunctional.My little brother brother gets physically and verbally abused too, he is only 5. He makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin and because of him I'm afraid to me happy. I feel unwanted, disowned. My mother was always there for me to make sure I'm okay and she always defends me and my brother, she talks to me and she also took me to a psychologist but they couldn't do anything cause it was my mother's choice. I told her so many times to divorce but she is afraid that she won't have money and that my little brother will judge her when he grows up. I cry almost every day feeling like someone is stabbing me in my chest. I grew up knowing how to survive on my own. And I am afraid for my brother to don't have the same scars I have. My mom always comes and hugs me and kisses me but it's been many years since I showed her affection. I feel empty and I tried multiple times to kill myself. I don't feel safe in my home only in my bedroom that he can get in anytime.

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). First off we want to say that abuse whether its physical, sexual, emotional or verbal, it is never okay and you do not deserve it and do have the right to report it. We want you to know that you do have the right to make a report with Child Protective Services. Child Help USA is an information and referral line that can connect you with your local CPS abuse hotline. That number is 1-800-422-4453. If you ever felt like making a report or needed help, we are here to assist with that. We understand that making an abuse report can be intimidating so if you like we can call together to provide support.
We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. Since you mentioned it we want you to know that we are not experts on the issue of suicide and if this is something that you would like to focus on then we can certainly provide you the number for the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-273-TALK they may be able to help you more because this is their area of expertise. They can help direct you towards support and or services for your needs. In the meantime, we hope that you can give us a call directly to get some emotional support. You seem like a smart and resilient person who deserves to be treated with respect and love.
Additionally, If you’re feeling unsafe and need a safe place to go and talk to someone, you may wish to visit The National Safeplace website (www.nationalsafeplace.org). This organization provides access to immediate help and supportive resources for youth in need. You can look up your city and state to see if there are any safe places near you listed. So that is always an option if you feel like talking to someone in person about what has been going on or if you just need of a safe place to stay.

You also may use your phone to text the word “safe” and your current location (city/state/zip) to 69866. If there are safe places and shelters nearby, a list of those will be sent to your phone and you may have the option to text back and forth with a trained counselor as well.

Be safe,
NRS

My mom always beats me up even if I don't do anything it makes me want to kill myself it makes me feel unwanted as a little kid like today we were going to do the laundry and I told her that one of the shirts wasn't dirty she hit me by my eye and took the tv remote

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for contacting us, it takes a lot of courage to reach out and share your story. It must be really hard to live in a home with so abuse and disarray. You have a maturity well beyond your years and a resilient spirit for making it through for so long.

You made note of numerous instances of violent abuse which raises a great deal of concern for your safety and well-being. Absolutely no one deserves to be abused. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. You stated that you aren't sure if you'd like to call CPS but you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

You mentioned that you have previously had thoughts of suicide and have self-harmed in the past. We care a lot about your safety, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time.

It can be really hard to live with someone who struggles with an addiction to alcohol and other substances. We want you to know that you are not alone. If you’d like to talk to other young people who are dealing with friends or family members who have drinking problems you can check out Alateen. You can find more information about this support group, or find a local meeting here: https://al-anon.org/newcomers/teen-corner-alateen/.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

All the best,
NRS

I.. don’t really know where to start. So right off the bat, let’s start with my parents, I guess. My mom was born from two crack head parents, one with severe health problems and the other a hardworking work addict. Y dad was born from two asshole parents who abandoned him and left him, and his mom died at sixteen from a car crash. My mom was verbally abuse by her parents and physically abused by her brother and my dad has never been the lucky one, so it just so happened they got lucky with me even after my mom beat stage three cervical cancer and my dad had been in and out of jail since sixteen. From then, it went downhill. My mom used me against my whole fwkily, if they didn’t give her money or babysit me, they weren’t allowed to see me. Once my grandma, great grandma, and great grandpa all died when I was six she got heavily addicted to painkillers and quit her high paying job for seven years. In that time, I lost more family than I could count and learned to raise myself. I learned to manage bills and food money, I learned to survive winter without heat and summer without AC- in Virginia. I learned to not eat for days on end so she could binge on random snacks because she was high. But then, she was forced to get help one night when we got into a fist fight when I was twelve and she shoved her cigarette into my arm infront of her only childhood friend and started beating me. After that it was drinking, and my summers and spring breaks were spent getting beat, my friends getting beat, her drinking, and me running away with hundreds of dollars. Finally, she “[email protected] about a year ago when my grandfather died. However, he left us 81k and 21k for my college, as well as 5k for me to spend. She used all my money, and all the other money and we only have 4K left with food stamps an and Medicaid. Idk what to do because I have to start therapy, physical therapy, neurology, and more because of the permanent physical and mental damage she let herself and her boyfriends do to me. About ten minutes ago I screamed at her telling her about how I wanted to kill myself and I mentioned my self harm (I’ve been on and off self harming since third grade, I’m fourteen in freshman year now I’m Highschool) and she just screamed at me saying she couldn’t handle this and that I’m over reacting and my life is perfect so I don’t deserve to feel like this. But just weeks ago she was crying looking and my cuts and scars and the videos I have of her screaming at me drunk And saying how sorry she was and she would never be like that again. Idk what to do and I can’t go to CPS or officials because it’s not in my moral code and she would genuinely kill her self if she lost me. Any tips? Please? I’m going crazy and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. If anyone has advice or wants to know more details please respond or message me.

[ccsmod3]

Hello,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us. We are so sorry to hear that the situation between you and your dad has gotten so overwhelming. It sounds like you feel at a loss for what else to do, and you’ve been feeling pretty hopeless with the way that police have responded to the situation at home, and we want you to know that we are here to support you. We can’t tell you what to do, but we can do our best to share resources that might be helpful.

We want you to know that it is never ok for anyone to be violent towards you, and you have the right to live in a home where you feel safe. If you are considered a minor in your state, you have the right to report your father’s behavior to your local child protective services. Reporting does not guarantee that you would be removed from your home, but it is an option that would trigger local child protective services to investigate your home situation. If you don’t know how to reach your local agency, organizations like Child Help, available at 800.422.4453, and www.childhelp.org can help you identify the agency nearest to you. If you have questions about the reporting process, or if you just want to talk to someone about your situation, you are welcome to reach out to us.

Beyond reporting, it sounds like the situation at home has made you contemplate self-injury and suicide. In your message, you discuss reaching out to the suicide hotline for help, and we want to encourage you to continue reaching out to them for support. You also discuss a diagnosis of PTSD and anxiety, which gets exacerbated with the situation at home. If you are currently receiving treatment for these, it may also help to discuss a safety plan and work on coping methods with your therapist or counselor to help you stay safe. Because we’re not legal experts, it’s hard for us to give you any guidance regarding the way local police have been approaching your situation, but if you haven’t already discussed your situation with someone familiar with the laws in your state, contacting your local legal aid agency. If you need help finding local agencies to you, please don’t hesitate to call us. We are here for you, and we will support whatever you decide to do, and will do our best to help you stay safe. We are available by phone 24/7 at 1.800.RUNAWAY (786.2929), as well as via chat every day. We wish you all the best. Stay safe!

-NRS