My parents make me want to kill myself

My parents are so controlling. They won’t let me express myself through what I do (makeup and art). They tell me to use my words but when I do they yell at me and tell me I’m “making things up”. They constantly try to force their religion and beliefs down my throat. As soon as they find out I’m non-binary and lesbian, they’ll probably kick me out or worse. I’m a ********ing failure and would be happier dead. They’re one of the reason I cut myself and try to kill myself (the others being bullies). I swear I’m going to relapse. They have cameras in the house and I feel paranoid. They don’t love me. They hate me. I’m a wreck and they despise me.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out to NRS it seems like you are feeling really down because of how your family treats you and that you are taken for granted. While some chores would be understandable, doing all the cleaning without being appreciated is a different story. Your dad shouldn’t be calling you derogatory names like that and it makes sense to feel frustrated by that situation.
It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

My Family Makes Me Feel Like nothing I’m Useless They Always Use Me To Do Their Chores and I hate it, i feel like my dad just hates me like he always talks sh*t to me and makes me feel like I’m nothing, every time he comes in my room he always says it smells and says it dirty and I live like a pig and how grateful I should be for Him letting Me stay at home, but it ain’t a home to me it’s a prison, And I know I cleaned my room, vacuumed, folded all my laundry, feebreezed it and he still talk’s sh*t when his room smells like a dead body, I hate everything here, everytime he talks sh*t to me I just go in the bathroom and cry thinking that I should just die to make all the pain go away.

[ccsmod15]

Hey there,
Thanks for reaching out, it seems like you are going through a lot and it makes sense to feel the way you do about this. It’s hard to love someone but also be afraid of their other side. Your parents shouldn’t be hitting you like that and yelling about such small things like some crumbs. It is understandably frustrating to feel like everything is OK and then turn around the next moment and things are downhill.
It seems like you want to avoid child abuse reporting but if you do want more information about it childhelp.org is a good resource. You also mentioned feeling suicidal at times, if those thoughts escalate and you need help the suicidepreventionlifeline.org is there for you or you can call 911 for immediate help. You could also look at nami.org which focuses on mental health and see if there are some practices that might help you work through things.
As for running away if you are not yet 18 most likely your parents would file a runaway report on you and have police bring you home. It is not a crime to run away but police can make you go home. Some places that might be safe to go to would be a friend, family member, or shelter. If you need somewhere to go nationalsafeplace.org can help you find a safe place nearby.
Hopefully this information is helpful, we want you to know that we care about you and hope that things improve. One more option to consider may be family counseling. If you want our help finding resources like that in your area please call 1-800-RUNAWAY or chat with us online.

So um my parents are always hitting me and yelling at me because i make some mistakes that arent that big like dropping stuff and rarely ever huff when they are talking to me. And thats only when im realy mad . My dad punches me in my shoulder and hits my head when hes yelling at me and my mom yells at really small things like not cleaning crumbs that i left behind after eating. My grandma is always defending them and so is my mom. I dont know. I love them so much but feel so hurt when we're all having fun and laughing for weeks straight and then one day mom or dad mess it all up by doing those things. I dont want to get them in trouble but i do want them to stop. I also somtimes think about killing myself but remember that im Muslim and thats haram. I also think about running away but i dont know where to run away to. I dont want them to get into any sort of trouble like jail or a punishment. I dont know what to do. Im cying while im writing this because im so sad that we have been so happy during this tiime but then he yells and hits me. I just want him and mom to have better parenting skills with me.

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on.

It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now and like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 (www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org) is always available if you need someone to talk to about how you have been feeling. Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.

You can reach out anytime by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at 1800runaway.org to talk more in detail about your situation and explore your options. We are here to listen and help.

We look forward to hearing from you soon,
NRS

My mom yells at me a lot and I was going to stab myself today I know I will feel pain but so will my family i wrote a song and I was going to sing it and then the scissors would go through me I really need someone to talk to someone but no one is here for me to talk to not even one day my mom doesn’t yell at me I have a stepdad and I feel like he only cares for his son my brother I feel like no one likes or cares I don’t know when I am going to commit but soon and I am only 9 so if someone can help me then thank you

[ccsmod0]

Hi there,
Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now with your mom and her bf. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.
Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time.
If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org (click on the chat button).
We hope to hear from you soon.
Be safe and stay strong,
NRS

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I’m tired of getting yelled at everyday and my mom telling me she doesn’t care about me I tell her that I want to end my life all the time and she just doesn’t care because she to worried about her acholic bf that does coke and I think imma run away because I’m scared to die

[ccsmod4]

Hello,
Thank you for writing to us here at the National Runaway Safeline.

We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. We are sorry to hear about the passing of your friend and your pet.; it sounds like its still be pretty hard for you. Losing someone takes time to come to terms with. Its okay to express the way you feel.
That being said.
You mentioned some things that raise concern for your safety and well-being. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. You don’t deserve to be hit or verbally abused.
You are not at fault for your parent’s behavior. You are very brave for reaching out to NRS.
We are not experts on the issue of abuse, but generally once it's been reported, social services will either decide whether or not to take the case and further investigate. If they do take the case, they will send out someone from child protective services to do an investigation (interviewing people in the household) and from there they will decide the level of danger within the household. It generally ranges from no danger (the youth stays in the home, some services are given, and the case is closed), moderate danger (they will provide family services with possible temporary displacement) and high danger (they will remove the youth from the home and offer certain services).

If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. If you feel depressed or having suicidal thoughts, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

This may feel like an isolating time for you but you are not alone.

Take care,
NRS

So I’ve been depressed for a while now. I’ve had plenty of suicidal thoughts and I cut my wrists. My parents are abusive, both verbally and physically and I can’t take it anymore. They tell me that I’m the abusive one because when they slap me or hit me, I defend myself. They tell me that I’m disrespectful and that I talk back which isn’t true. The call me stupid in public, shame me in public, and call me plenty of other things. I lost my best friend of 5 years 2 years ago and she’s still mad even though she’s the one who broke things off. She laughs at me and my little sister whenever she sees us and it makes me want to slap her. I lost my 1 year old puppy from cancer almost a year ago and she was the one I would talk to when I was in a depressed state of mind. Now that she’s gone, I don’t have anyone to talk to that won’t judge me and I’ve been completely lost ever since she passed. I don’t know what I should do.

[ccsmod7]

Hi there, thanks for reaching out today. Sounds like you have been called some really harsh things at home and the stress along with your parents' dependency on alcohol is really taking a toll on you. That must be so hard to deal with. You deserve to be treated with respect and to have your basic needs met. Here at NRS, we want you know that you matter just as much as anyone else and you are enough.

You mentioned that the hurtful things have made you want to die. Those feelings are significant and you deserve to be supported. It takes a lot of strength to reach out for help, and we are so glad that you did. Your life has worth and our top priority is your safety. If you feel this is an emergency you could consider calling 911 for emergency assistance. We are here to listen and support you in any way that we can, and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Hotline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. You can also call us 24/7 at 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929) if you need to talk.

You do have the right to report any abuse or neglect to child protective services as well, including your parents' alcohol use if it is interfering with them being able to meet your basic needs. To learn more about what reporting could look like for you, you might reach out to the experts at Child Help 1-800-422-4453. If you would like assistance with filing a report please do not hesitate to call us.

Please do not hesitate to call or chat if you would like to talk more,

NRS

Hi, my family is ********ed up. I’m the youngest of 4 siblings. And I have my mammy and daddy. My mammy is an alcoholic and doesn’t care about how her actions affect us. Everyday she comes home and drinks 3-4 bottles of win and is passed out on the sofa. She blames it on us that we do nothing around the house when I practically do everything for everyone in my family. I have to do their washing and cook them dinner. On top of that I have my alevels I am currently failing and I just can’t bring myself to care anymore. My daddy is worse tho because he doesn’t drink yet he says horrible things to me that makes me want to die while he is sober and he doesn’t care about how it affects me. “Useless” “fat” “unloved” that’s the names I get thrown my way I’ve even been called adopted before and I’m starting to think I’m not apart of this family anymore. I don’t know what to do because I just want to die

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you've had to ensure a lot throughout your childhood when you shouldn't have had to. Often times we do pick up on the traits and emotions that our parents model for us and it shows a lot of self-awareness that you were able to recognize your father's anger in yourself. You brought up beatings and violence quite a few times and it raises concern for your safety. If you are ever in danger or being harmed in any way we encourage you to call 911 for emergency assistance. You have the right to report the abuse that has been happening to Child Protective Services. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. Documenting any abuse or injuries (like taking pictures of bruises) can be helpful to CPS investigators. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member (perhaps your sister) or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

You stated that you have tried to kill yourself three times before and have struggled with hearing voices. Your life matters and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. If you’d like some additional support, another organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

Hi im very new to this but i need to vent...
Rn im 16 and ive just been charged with a felony and so ofc my familys going to be extremely upset with me but im not going to get into that, least not rn. Anyway most nvm ALL of my life ive been a disappointment( not saying they dont love me but im not saying they do either) but for a variety of reasons. I was a pretty dumb kid and person still, ive always had trouble in school, i get its ok not being a perfect child but i was pretty far n im willing to admit that. I was raised with my older sister of 4 years and 3 of my cousins(i was the youngest) i get its very difficult raising children especially when theyre not ur own but i was always just left behind really, i was kinda the runt. I wasnt close to any of my family n none of them really liked me. I didnt have any friends most of my childhood either and so i was just the outcast. I hate to admit but i always wanted my parents attention mainly theyre affection and yea sometimes i did but most of memories r just full of being constantly insulted, ignored, reminded of my uselessness added being worthless compared to all my "siblings", i wasnt a problem child but i did have issues. I get my family wanted my cousins to feel at home n that they do care about me, that they dont know how to show it n i kept that state of mind for a long time. But just as i got older it just got worse, i started to hate my family very early in my life. Every little mistake i did seemed to be the worst for them it would just be a reminder of what a problem i am. Apparently all my "siblings" had it worse than me but how does that work when ur getting the same beatings as they are for trying not to be problamatic, tbh i was afriad of my parents they constantly made me nervous just being around them, i was scared to talk to them for anything at all, i came to believe that i was worthless, ya know that im just that idiot mistake that they have to raise. I tried my best in school and to be a good kid but its harder than it seems, i had no self esteem, no confidence n i wasnt smart for ******** and all of it seemed to give them reason to hate me. They constantly insulted me every morning before school, im talking about my mother. She had to take care of us all. But damn i feel like just one of her regrets, reminder i was really REALLY ********IN STUPID but i was also just really afraid to be be near her to TALK to her especially, so i everytime i was near them i just zoned out, made myself believe i didnt exist, that the insults, the occasional beatings, the pain just didnt matter as they didnt exist either n so i was just there...i remember it took me exceptionally long to learn how to do anything, anything at allll, just name it reading, writing, bathing, talking, and for all of them my mother hated me for it. I was just an idiot kid that was too lazy to learn any of those things to her so i just learned to not exist to them in effort to not be a problem n hopefully actually make them happy. I dont think i ever did really and that ********ing...it just broke me. I convinced my self i wasnt worth anything n neither does anything and i was turning violent tbh but i know for sure the only thing my mom taught me was how to hate myself. Every night id cry thinking how to stay out of their way, away from their attention as that would mean bad news for me. Anytime i got in trouble at school i got beat.. yes thats normal for alot of kids but not when ur dead ******** horrified of ur busts his ass at work, tough love raised, been working since he was 7, knows only that violence is pretty much the answer to all things father. I was a small kid but he beat the ******** out of me sometimes n for some bs reasons and i was just so afraid of him . Hes the one who taught me how to be angry..i think all of those things made me kinda lose it i was doing very violent things in my spare time and in school i was KNOWN to be not as the crazy kid but THE crazy kid. Id had started to talk to myself and if im being honest the voices in my head are much MUCH better parents then my real ones. Like least i didnt kill anybody. For which ive thought about so many times for a kid. Ik thats fuxked up but its the truth and i mostly thought about killing my parents... i started doing horrible things, not like killing animals n ******** but bad ******** none the less i loved manipulating people, hurting them n all sorta of ways. I thought the way theyd cry so easily made me strong n a way. I tried to kill myself a couple times, only 3 times i tried to hang myself but its kinda hard to learn to tie a noose when ur 6,8, and 16 when ur dumb af tho it almost worked the last time. I stopped wanting my families attention at the end of elementary, just a notice this started since the beginning of elementry. But anyways i begun avoiding them starting at that time and i really got better. I changed my look, i made friends, i was better at school and i felt human like i was valued that my thoughts mattered my voice meant something and my feelings werent there because i was weak and i had every right to be angry.... to be sad but ofc my parents didnt agree . Any moment where i try to talk to them is only met with ignorance from my mother n violence from my father they didnt understand me and they didnt want to they just wanted me to listen to them to them i had every reason to be happy, i was fed, i had a home, 2 parents, a fuxking phone, things they wished they had ya know but ******** do i really seem happy, im talking to the reader, do u seem happy? Should i be? Should i air out the room and then myself?. Also ive been a pot head since i was 6 n only then have they even suspected me doing anything like that. I just stopped loving them completely, but i ********in appreciated the food, the home etc but i damn sure didnt ********ing love them. Fast foward to now my mom let the police search me so they can find weed on me to teach me a lesson about smoking weed....what in the fuxk...what stupidity is this ... apparently they care now!! Am i supposed to acknowledge this bs. They have instead of just beating me while screaming lectures they decided to change their approach as it seems theyve noticed beatings only make matters worse at least in their case. But really after spending 16 god forsaken depressing years with them they thought that ******** would work?? Their word meant dog ******** to me, i understand me getting in trouble cuz of being a pot head is ofc my own issue n brings my own problems but for them to get involved like thay actually mattered!! Wtf is that...my dad instead of beating me said he gave up on me.. he cried telling me how hard he works and blah blah im going to be honest he sounded like me i stayed silent n listened and he really did sound like me, depressed, angry, just sick of it all, but this ********er created me, ********ing burned violence and anger into my head so why tf would i care? Hes only giving the same story i was for 16 years. Yea i get it hes human too n so is my mom so theyre not perfect parents but ********K THEMM theyre ******** human beings period!!! LIKE WHEN HAVE ANY OF U MADE ME FEEL HUMAN...so rn im trying to leave n move in with my sister im charged with a felony now but im still waiting for court dont get me wrong i try to treat everyone with respect n that still includes my mom as shes mostly just a sensitive "loving" mother now but im just trying to get on with life. I just hate myself rn and im still pretty unstable rn but ******** everything im not gonna let anything including me bring my life down.