Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

My parents make me want to kill myself

Collapse
X
  •  
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    I feel tired with life when I my "mom" was pregnant almost nobody from the family knew years before I was born my mom had been kidnapped, raped and had been severily tourtured with cigars and injected with drugs the kidnappers cut her hair and beated her when they where tired of her they tried to drown her until they thought she was dead she was found naked and sevirely beaten up police never found the kidnappers but since my mom was little she has gone through a lot of things being abdoned by her mom and dad and having to take care of her siblings she didn't have a nice childhood she lived in a very poor town suffered hunger and much more.A few days after I was born my grandpa got killed by one of his sons I don't remember anything but i know it affected my family a lot when I was 1-5 i had a normal and happy childhood having everything I wanted but things changed when my mom got possessed by a spirit that would make her suicidal and starve I still remember this vividly when it was my six birthday i wished that my uncle came back from Pennsylvania with his girlfriend and kid I've never met them before but i heard such great things about him that it made me like him without even knowing him properly.And after i whised that my mom got possessed which made my uncle and his family come to our home.And oh boy it was the worst wish i could of made, before he even had come I didn't go to school so I missed pre-k and kindergarden and my first grade year was absolute sh*t my teacher made me feel worthless and stupid cause I didn't know how to read because my mom never taught me how to write,read or anything for school I always cried before school and after school because of her once my uncle's girlfriend bleached my hair and put highlights and my teacher made fun of me and made me feel disgusting and ugly and unwanted I also couldn't speak English properly on second grade I became a lot more productive had decent grades and smarter (I forgot to mention on 1st grade my uncle hit me with a belt because I closed a door and slamed my grandmas fingers on accident and I ranned to a family friends house because I was scare the family friend told me to go with him and apologize so I tried to do it but when i got there he hit me on the front lawn infront of neighbors who heard me scream and cry but didn't do sh*t to stop him or call the police he was i had peeped my self because I was so scared amd suffering then eventully he gave me to my mom and SHE DO SH*T NOBODY DID my aunt and mom say he wasnt always like that but when he met his wife he changed the wife has gone through some stuff too but that doesnt give her any purposes to do the same to our family my 6-11 or 10 phase was sh*t too i had to stay in my room scared to come out and be constanly yelled by him and just mentally abused, my aunt was treated like a maid and a babysitter without any paid to take care of my uncles and wifes daughter and when my aunt and mom got there checks he would always take them away so ww never had that much money because of this monster fault i had drepression,anxiety and social anxiety i (still do and worse)didnt have much friends in school because I was the smart kid and geeky and awkard my uncle just made our lives a livimg hell and my mom wasnt there to love me or take care of me because she had to work and always left me with my aunt who was a mother figure to me (i forgot to say that my mom was my dads sidechick so he never really cared about me and would always spend my moms hard earned money on games he and my mom where addicted to the games where you could win money and spend all there money there and was left alone on the store with them playing unsupervised just trying to make time fly, she has also had several other boyfriends who treat her like absolute sh*t) My mom fell in love with this horrible man while she was with us he's a monster too he didn't work and just lived with the money of my mom at first i liked him he was kind would buy me stuff to eat and was just chill but then he showed his true colors he just looked at other woman naked on facebook and would tell the whole family and showed me an underage girl pictures too he did nothing but just not talk and stay staring at the phone so did my mom so I guess they are perfect for each other once I looked at his phone history and saw porn of underage girls this was when we first met him so i didn't say anything I also knew if i told my mom she wouldn't of believed me.And he was a underage "daughter" too i say "daughter because is not her biological daughter hee mom was pregnant before meeting him and she doesn't know that but almost everyone in my family of 3 know its absolutey disgusting that he looked at porn of underage girls while having a daughter.My mom left with him leaving me behind because my uncle made her chose between leaving with her boyfriend or staying and she decided to leave.The day before me and my aunt decided to leave my aunt and him had a major argument wish was the cherry on top to make her leave (my aunts says her brothers *my uncle* wife is jeaulous of her because she lost weight when she had her tumor remove and that my uncles wife can't look as skinny and pretty as her ,thats very mean to say but my uncles wife has been a devil with us.When we left that hell i thought my life could changed around but no i entered another wish now I can't escape we went to my mom's boyfriend's sister's house she is super mean with our family we couldnt use the fridge,living room,kitchen,sofa,tv only the one bedroom we four shared and a bathroom my mom once decided to get a 2 dog for me (and here comes the future tourture) animal abuse he always hit the poor small dogs i couldn't do anything because no one would belive me and my aunt and mom dont do sh*t to stop him he has a crimanal history of theaft/stealing. -October 2 , 2018- was they day my grandma died which affected my aunt a lot.When we got tired of the insults she would tell us daily we left to leave in apartments I just hate my family this could of been our chance to leave without my moms boyfriend who didn't treat her right but no my mom decided to bring/come with him the it has gotten worse he says he wants to kill the dogs who arent his because sometimes they do bad things that untrained dogs do he tortures the poor dogs to the point of bleeding and broken bones and i can hear the poor cries of the dogs when they are abuse by this monster i've tried multiple times to stop him from hitting the dogs but he pushes me and i feel like if i dont move he would hit me too I BEG TO GOD TO HELP ME (MY AUNT AND MOM WITNESS HIM HITTING THE DOGS BUT DONT DO ANYTHING) I know my aunt just doesnt care about the dogs and my mom is *in love with him* but i wish i could help them but i know if i call police either they are not gonna belive me or i am going to ruined her 16 old daughters heart who just clearly uses my mom and him for money mainly him and my moms heart and when ever he hits the dogs and yells at me for nothing my mom just defends him amd always chooses him before me i have asked her before are Am I adopted?Why did you have me if you dont love me?Why didnt you abort me? I just need some love and affection i now realized my aunt the "only mother figure ive had" manipulates me treats me bad and doesn't take love me.I just want to stop feeling this pain and stop crying everyday being torture by the people who i thought loved me.I wish my mom loved me and took care of me and just didnt give me money to be "happy" i feel useless,unwanted,hated,manipulated and so many more things.I hate how mom acts like everything is fine and just is blinded I hope she realizes how much she needed me when I am gone same goes to my aunt the only family i have.Because none of our other family supports us talks to us.




    If you read all of that thank you and if feel the same way as me I hope you get better.Any advice?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey,

      Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing such a personal story. We know that it takes a lot of courage to do so. It sounds like there are a lot of issues at play right now which are making you feel uncomfortable at home. No one deserves to be abused (not even your dogs) and you deserve to live somewhere where you are safe.

      In addition to abuse and neglect, you mentioned a couple of things about child pornography and your dogs being beaten - both of these are illegal and you are well within your rights to report this to the police. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe yourself, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering, as can any teacher or faculty member at your school. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

      If you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #17
    I'm in highshcool and its really hard I have been through so much and my parents don't care. they think there money and a few pills will fix it all when I ask my mom to talk she just starts talking about her self when I go to eat they just sit infront of me and stare saying I'm gaining weight after the doctors said I needed to weigh more they say ill never get to college or be anything if some one asks me if
    I want kill myself and I say yes
    why
    because of them
    no one on any help line will help without my parents knowing
    and because it would be better for everyone that way

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello There,
      Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It seems like you are going through a difficult time right now. It can be hard to feel alone and like no one cares. Just know that there are people that care and willing to provide support.
      You mentioned wanting to kill yourself. We want you to know that you are valuable and there are people that care about you. If you are ever feeling suicidal or just need someone to talk to please call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline. They can be reached at 1800-273-8255. Also you might want to consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on, they may be able to provide you with resources and help.
      We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support. Best of luck!
      NRS

  • #18
    my dad just makes me feel worthless. he hurts me more emotionally than physically but still will hit me. every single aspect of my life is controlled by him and it makes me feel like I am in jail wherever I am. I don't fit in. I just can't. i'm 16 years old and on the surface I act fine but deep down im just so depressed that it hurts to get up in the morning. I know people will say "but you do get up in the morning and you shouldn't kill yourself cause you can survive etc." but the only reason I get up is because if I don't my dad will drag me out of bed and will probably beat me. He threatens to hurt and kill me all the time and quite frankly im terrified. If I'm going to die it's gonna be on my terms and no one elses but I think my dad might actually kill me one of these days. Im pansexual and proud of it, but my dad is muslim and incredibly homophobic. If he even knew what I was he would kill me. like really murder me. I'm, terrified and traumatised and I just can't handle this at all. What kind of 16 year old should deal with this? I cut myself for the first time in 3 years 3 days ago and I cannot believe it. I swore to myself I would never do it again but sometimes I hurt so much emotionally that physical pain almost helps to relieve it. I don't feel emotions other than depression and anxiety, I cannot remember the last time I was truly happy and not just faking it to pretend my life is normal. I just hurt. when he insults me and yells at me and hits me I feel like im on fire and emotionally overwhelmed, and the only way to let it out is by cutting. I hate myself for cutting and haven't needed to in a long time because I had gotten stronger, but recently I just can't cope with all the stress from home and stress from school. its literally going to kill me. Anyways just thought i'd vent for a minute. It's not as if this is actually going to prevent me from killing myself is it, it's just going to be another post on another suicidal forum. I hate life.

    Comment


    • ccsmod15
      ccsmod15 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello,

      You know, you are so brave for opening up about all that. A lot of people just keep that bottled up inside, which isn't healthy. So thank you for reaching out to us. That shows so much maturity on your part.

      What you're going through IS very difficult, no doubt about that. You have the right to feel understood, accepted, and loved. It's absolutely not right that your dad is treating you this way. You don't deserve to be threatened by him or harmed emotionally or physically. You shouldn't have to live in fear. Frankly, if you feel like you would like to make an abuse report, you have the right to do that. But that's up to you. We never tell anyone what to do.

      Of course, we don't want you to die by suicide or hurt yourself. But we realize that your thoughts and feelings are coming from a place of deep pain and we respect and honor that. Please know that many people have been in a similar place to what you are going through and they've found that, despite how bleak things may look now, life CAN get better -- and almost always does. Suicide is often painful and terrifying. Usually, attempts at suicide do not work and there is a lot of regret afterwards. Please don't feel ashamed for cutting. You're in a tough spot and are just trying to sort out your feelings and how to cope. There's going to be some confusion involved. But, of course, we hope you don't cut anymore.

      Talking things through is always a good idea, especially if you can actually, literally talk on the phone. We would really love to talk to you if you give us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You may find that simply hearing someone's voice and expressing yourself to be somewhat comforting. Plus, we might be able to brainstorm some ideas on how the situation can be improved or at least made bearable. We are confidential and don't judge. And we accept you for who you are. Another option would be to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, or if you are in immediate danger dial 911. A really great website on cutting and self-harm is https://twloha.com/. You will find a lot of support there. Also, there is some great info and opportunities for support at https://www.nami.org/#.

      Hopefully, this helps a bit. Please give us a call or contact us through chat by visiting our website's chat forum at www.1800runaway.org. Please stay safe. You have a lot to live for. We hope to hear from you soon.

      NRS
      Last edited by ccsmod15; 09-26-2019, 11:08 AM.

  • #19
    Hello im 18 years old ,i dont really know what to say ,ive been thinghking of killing myself for a while nlw but dont now how to do it easaly my life looks so great but its actually really hard with a father thats abuses me and think that its ok to do so because he thinks it ok with God he is a very spiritual man thays why its hard to reach out and find the right answers and i know he wont believe me if i say its wrong and when i tried het hitted me again so please just tell me what is an easy way to go without more pain

    Comment


    • ccsmod9
      ccsmod9 commented
      Editing a comment
      We’re sorry to hear that you have been facing abuse at home. No one deserves to be treated that way. You deserve to live in a place that is safe and affirming. It is brave of you to reach out for help, and we want to thank you for contacting us.
      You sound mature and strong. It seems like you are speaking up for yourself and trying to explain to your father that his behavior is hurtful. There is no excuse for someone to be abusive, and ultimately it is up to your father to change his behavior. It must be frustrating to not be heard. One option you have if you continue to face abuse is to contact your local police to make a report. If you would like, you can reach out to us by phone and we can help you make the report.
      You mentioned that what your father has done to you has led you to have feelings of ending your life. You are important and your life matters. If you are ever thinking about ending your life, we encourage you to reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
      We are here 24/7 to help, and we encourage you to reach out by phone or chat soon to help create a plan that is best for you

  • #20
    Hi im very new to this but i need to vent...
    Rn im 16 and ive just been charged with a felony and so ofc my familys going to be extremely upset with me but im not going to get into that, least not rn. Anyway most nvm ALL of my life ive been a disappointment( not saying they dont love me but im not saying they do either) but for a variety of reasons. I was a pretty dumb kid and person still, ive always had trouble in school, i get its ok not being a perfect child but i was pretty far n im willing to admit that. I was raised with my older sister of 4 years and 3 of my cousins(i was the youngest) i get its very difficult raising children especially when theyre not ur own but i was always just left behind really, i was kinda the runt. I wasnt close to any of my family n none of them really liked me. I didnt have any friends most of my childhood either and so i was just the outcast. I hate to admit but i always wanted my parents attention mainly theyre affection and yea sometimes i did but most of memories r just full of being constantly insulted, ignored, reminded of my uselessness added being worthless compared to all my "siblings", i wasnt a problem child but i did have issues. I get my family wanted my cousins to feel at home n that they do care about me, that they dont know how to show it n i kept that state of mind for a long time. But just as i got older it just got worse, i started to hate my family very early in my life. Every little mistake i did seemed to be the worst for them it would just be a reminder of what a problem i am. Apparently all my "siblings" had it worse than me but how does that work when ur getting the same beatings as they are for trying not to be problamatic, tbh i was afriad of my parents they constantly made me nervous just being around them, i was scared to talk to them for anything at all, i came to believe that i was worthless, ya know that im just that idiot mistake that they have to raise. I tried my best in school and to be a good kid but its harder than it seems, i had no self esteem, no confidence n i wasnt smart for ******** and all of it seemed to give them reason to hate me. They constantly insulted me every morning before school, im talking about my mother. She had to take care of us all. But damn i feel like just one of her regrets, reminder i was really REALLY ********IN STUPID but i was also just really afraid to be be near her to TALK to her especially, so i everytime i was near them i just zoned out, made myself believe i didnt exist, that the insults, the occasional beatings, the pain just didnt matter as they didnt exist either n so i was just there...i remember it took me exceptionally long to learn how to do anything, anything at allll, just name it reading, writing, bathing, talking, and for all of them my mother hated me for it. I was just an idiot kid that was too lazy to learn any of those things to her so i just learned to not exist to them in effort to not be a problem n hopefully actually make them happy. I dont think i ever did really and that ********ing...it just broke me. I convinced my self i wasnt worth anything n neither does anything and i was turning violent tbh but i know for sure the only thing my mom taught me was how to hate myself. Every night id cry thinking how to stay out of their way, away from their attention as that would mean bad news for me. Anytime i got in trouble at school i got beat.. yes thats normal for alot of kids but not when ur dead ******** horrified of ur busts his ass at work, tough love raised, been working since he was 7, knows only that violence is pretty much the answer to all things father. I was a small kid but he beat the ******** out of me sometimes n for some bs reasons and i was just so afraid of him . Hes the one who taught me how to be angry..i think all of those things made me kinda lose it i was doing very violent things in my spare time and in school i was KNOWN to be not as the crazy kid but THE crazy kid. Id had started to talk to myself and if im being honest the voices in my head are much MUCH better parents then my real ones. Like least i didnt kill anybody. For which ive thought about so many times for a kid. Ik thats fuxked up but its the truth and i mostly thought about killing my parents... i started doing horrible things, not like killing animals n ******** but bad ******** none the less i loved manipulating people, hurting them n all sorta of ways. I thought the way theyd cry so easily made me strong n a way. I tried to kill myself a couple times, only 3 times i tried to hang myself but its kinda hard to learn to tie a noose when ur 6,8, and 16 when ur dumb af tho it almost worked the last time. I stopped wanting my families attention at the end of elementary, just a notice this started since the beginning of elementry. But anyways i begun avoiding them starting at that time and i really got better. I changed my look, i made friends, i was better at school and i felt human like i was valued that my thoughts mattered my voice meant something and my feelings werent there because i was weak and i had every right to be angry.... to be sad but ofc my parents didnt agree . Any moment where i try to talk to them is only met with ignorance from my mother n violence from my father they didnt understand me and they didnt want to they just wanted me to listen to them to them i had every reason to be happy, i was fed, i had a home, 2 parents, a fuxking phone, things they wished they had ya know but ******** do i really seem happy, im talking to the reader, do u seem happy? Should i be? Should i air out the room and then myself?. Also ive been a pot head since i was 6 n only then have they even suspected me doing anything like that. I just stopped loving them completely, but i ********in appreciated the food, the home etc but i damn sure didnt ********ing love them. Fast foward to now my mom let the police search me so they can find weed on me to teach me a lesson about smoking weed....what in the fuxk...what stupidity is this ... apparently they care now!! Am i supposed to acknowledge this bs. They have instead of just beating me while screaming lectures they decided to change their approach as it seems theyve noticed beatings only make matters worse at least in their case. But really after spending 16 god forsaken depressing years with them they thought that ******** would work?? Their word meant dog ******** to me, i understand me getting in trouble cuz of being a pot head is ofc my own issue n brings my own problems but for them to get involved like thay actually mattered!! Wtf is that...my dad instead of beating me said he gave up on me.. he cried telling me how hard he works and blah blah im going to be honest he sounded like me i stayed silent n listened and he really did sound like me, depressed, angry, just sick of it all, but this ********er created me, ********ing burned violence and anger into my head so why tf would i care? Hes only giving the same story i was for 16 years. Yea i get it hes human too n so is my mom so theyre not perfect parents but ********K THEMM theyre ******** human beings period!!! LIKE WHEN HAVE ANY OF U MADE ME FEEL HUMAN...so rn im trying to leave n move in with my sister im charged with a felony now but im still waiting for court dont get me wrong i try to treat everyone with respect n that still includes my mom as shes mostly just a sensitive "loving" mother now but im just trying to get on with life. I just hate myself rn and im still pretty unstable rn but ******** everything im not gonna let anything including me bring my life down.

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey there,

      Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It sounds like you've had to ensure a lot throughout your childhood when you shouldn't have had to. Often times we do pick up on the traits and emotions that our parents model for us and it shows a lot of self-awareness that you were able to recognize your father's anger in yourself. You brought up beatings and violence quite a few times and it raises concern for your safety. If you are ever in danger or being harmed in any way we encourage you to call 911 for emergency assistance. You have the right to report the abuse that has been happening to Child Protective Services. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering. Documenting any abuse or injuries (like taking pictures of bruises) can be helpful to CPS investigators. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member (perhaps your sister) or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

      You stated that you have tried to kill yourself three times before and have struggled with hearing voices. Your life matters and we can help you find resources that can help you cope with these feelings. You do not have to face this alone, and there is so much help out there for you. If you are thinking about hurting yourself, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline could be a good resource for you. You can check them out at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or you can call 1-800-273-8255 for help and support any time. If you’d like some additional support, another organization that may be helpful is the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). You can contact them by calling 1-800-950-NAMI or you can text them by sending NAMI to 741741.

      If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS
Previously entered content was automatically saved. Restore or Discard.
Auto-Saved
x
Insert: Thumbnail Small Medium Large Fullsize Remove  
x
x
Working...
X