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My parents make me want to kill myself

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  • #16
    I feel tired with life when I my "mom" was pregnant almost nobody from the family knew years before I was born my mom had been kidnapped, raped and had been severily tourtured with cigars and injected with drugs the kidnappers cut her hair and beated her when they where tired of her they tried to drown her until they thought she was dead she was found naked and sevirely beaten up police never found the kidnappers but since my mom was little she has gone through a lot of things being abdoned by her mom and dad and having to take care of her siblings she didn't have a nice childhood she lived in a very poor town suffered hunger and much more.A few days after I was born my grandpa got killed by one of his sons I don't remember anything but i know it affected my family a lot when I was 1-5 i had a normal and happy childhood having everything I wanted but things changed when my mom got possessed by a spirit that would make her suicidal and starve I still remember this vividly when it was my six birthday i wished that my uncle came back from Pennsylvania with his girlfriend and kid I've never met them before but i heard such great things about him that it made me like him without even knowing him properly.And after i whised that my mom got possessed which made my uncle and his family come to our home.And oh boy it was the worst wish i could of made, before he even had come I didn't go to school so I missed pre-k and kindergarden and my first grade year was absolute sh*t my teacher made me feel worthless and stupid cause I didn't know how to read because my mom never taught me how to write,read or anything for school I always cried before school and after school because of her once my uncle's girlfriend bleached my hair and put highlights and my teacher made fun of me and made me feel disgusting and ugly and unwanted I also couldn't speak English properly on second grade I became a lot more productive had decent grades and smarter (I forgot to mention on 1st grade my uncle hit me with a belt because I closed a door and slamed my grandmas fingers on accident and I ranned to a family friends house because I was scare the family friend told me to go with him and apologize so I tried to do it but when i got there he hit me on the front lawn infront of neighbors who heard me scream and cry but didn't do sh*t to stop him or call the police he was i had peeped my self because I was so scared amd suffering then eventully he gave me to my mom and SHE DO SH*T NOBODY DID my aunt and mom say he wasnt always like that but when he met his wife he changed the wife has gone through some stuff too but that doesnt give her any purposes to do the same to our family my 6-11 or 10 phase was sh*t too i had to stay in my room scared to come out and be constanly yelled by him and just mentally abused, my aunt was treated like a maid and a babysitter without any paid to take care of my uncles and wifes daughter and when my aunt and mom got there checks he would always take them away so ww never had that much money because of this monster fault i had drepression,anxiety and social anxiety i (still do and worse)didnt have much friends in school because I was the smart kid and geeky and awkard my uncle just made our lives a livimg hell and my mom wasnt there to love me or take care of me because she had to work and always left me with my aunt who was a mother figure to me (i forgot to say that my mom was my dads sidechick so he never really cared about me and would always spend my moms hard earned money on games he and my mom where addicted to the games where you could win money and spend all there money there and was left alone on the store with them playing unsupervised just trying to make time fly, she has also had several other boyfriends who treat her like absolute sh*t) My mom fell in love with this horrible man while she was with us he's a monster too he didn't work and just lived with the money of my mom at first i liked him he was kind would buy me stuff to eat and was just chill but then he showed his true colors he just looked at other woman naked on facebook and would tell the whole family and showed me an underage girl pictures too he did nothing but just not talk and stay staring at the phone so did my mom so I guess they are perfect for each other once I looked at his phone history and saw porn of underage girls this was when we first met him so i didn't say anything I also knew if i told my mom she wouldn't of believed me.And he was a underage "daughter" too i say "daughter because is not her biological daughter hee mom was pregnant before meeting him and she doesn't know that but almost everyone in my family of 3 know its absolutey disgusting that he looked at porn of underage girls while having a daughter.My mom left with him leaving me behind because my uncle made her chose between leaving with her boyfriend or staying and she decided to leave.The day before me and my aunt decided to leave my aunt and him had a major argument wish was the cherry on top to make her leave (my aunts says her brothers *my uncle* wife is jeaulous of her because she lost weight when she had her tumor remove and that my uncles wife can't look as skinny and pretty as her ,thats very mean to say but my uncles wife has been a devil with us.When we left that hell i thought my life could changed around but no i entered another wish now I can't escape we went to my mom's boyfriend's sister's house she is super mean with our family we couldnt use the fridge,living room,kitchen,sofa,tv only the one bedroom we four shared and a bathroom my mom once decided to get a 2 dog for me (and here comes the future tourture) animal abuse he always hit the poor small dogs i couldn't do anything because no one would belive me and my aunt and mom dont do sh*t to stop him he has a crimanal history of theaft/stealing. -October 2 , 2018- was they day my grandma died which affected my aunt a lot.When we got tired of the insults she would tell us daily we left to leave in apartments I just hate my family this could of been our chance to leave without my moms boyfriend who didn't treat her right but no my mom decided to bring/come with him the it has gotten worse he says he wants to kill the dogs who arent his because sometimes they do bad things that untrained dogs do he tortures the poor dogs to the point of bleeding and broken bones and i can hear the poor cries of the dogs when they are abuse by this monster i've tried multiple times to stop him from hitting the dogs but he pushes me and i feel like if i dont move he would hit me too I BEG TO GOD TO HELP ME (MY AUNT AND MOM WITNESS HIM HITTING THE DOGS BUT DONT DO ANYTHING) I know my aunt just doesnt care about the dogs and my mom is *in love with him* but i wish i could help them but i know if i call police either they are not gonna belive me or i am going to ruined her 16 old daughters heart who just clearly uses my mom and him for money mainly him and my moms heart and when ever he hits the dogs and yells at me for nothing my mom just defends him amd always chooses him before me i have asked her before are Am I adopted?Why did you have me if you dont love me?Why didnt you abort me? I just need some love and affection i now realized my aunt the "only mother figure ive had" manipulates me treats me bad and doesn't take love me.I just want to stop feeling this pain and stop crying everyday being torture by the people who i thought loved me.I wish my mom loved me and took care of me and just didnt give me money to be "happy" i feel useless,unwanted,hated,manipulated and so many more things.I hate how mom acts like everything is fine and just is blinded I hope she realizes how much she needed me when I am gone same goes to my aunt the only family i have.Because none of our other family supports us talks to us.




    If you read all of that thank you and if feel the same way as me I hope you get better.Any advice?

    Comment


    • ccsmod1
      ccsmod1 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hey,

      Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing such a personal story. We know that it takes a lot of courage to do so. It sounds like there are a lot of issues at play right now which are making you feel uncomfortable at home. No one deserves to be abused (not even your dogs) and you deserve to live somewhere where you are safe.

      In addition to abuse and neglect, you mentioned a couple of things about child pornography and your dogs being beaten - both of these are illegal and you are well within your rights to report this to the police. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe yourself, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. If any harm or abuse is happening at home, you have the right to report it. If you feel like this is an option you want to explore, you may find this website helpful: https://www.childhelp.org/child-abuse/. We can also help you to file a report if that’s the route you are considering, as can any teacher or faculty member at your school. It may also be a good idea to explore options for staying with another family member or someone you trust as far as transferring custody.

      If you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

      Stay safe,
      NRS

  • #17
    I'm in highshcool and its really hard I have been through so much and my parents don't care. they think there money and a few pills will fix it all when I ask my mom to talk she just starts talking about her self when I go to eat they just sit infront of me and stare saying I'm gaining weight after the doctors said I needed to weigh more they say ill never get to college or be anything if some one asks me if
    I want kill myself and I say yes
    why
    because of them
    no one on any help line will help without my parents knowing
    and because it would be better for everyone that way

    Comment


    • ccsmod2
      ccsmod2 commented
      Editing a comment
      Hello There,
      Thank you for contacting The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen. It seems like you are going through a difficult time right now. It can be hard to feel alone and like no one cares. Just know that there are people that care and willing to provide support.
      You mentioned wanting to kill yourself. We want you to know that you are valuable and there are people that care about you. If you are ever feeling suicidal or just need someone to talk to please call The National Suicide Prevention Hotline. They can be reached at 1800-273-8255. Also you might want to consider talking to your school counselor about what is going on, they may be able to provide you with resources and help.
      We hope this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore options please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and provide support. Best of luck!
      NRS
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