Economic concerns and depression

[Guest]

I am 16 and trying to leave home due to familial conflicts. Ever since I dumped my psychiatrist and therapist, my mom has made my life an emotional hell, in an attempt to blackmail me into going back into the system (which would in turn lead to me being threatened by my psychiatrist to go to a residential program that lumps me with sexual offenders and substance abusers). My mom emotionally abuses me by lying, breaking promises, stealing my electronics, and cutting contact with my only friends (online friends). I've tried to show her the logical flaws in my psychiatrist's arguments, but she is so hopelessly gullible that I am frequently able to trick her into making simple arithmetic mistakes. My dad is a very analytical person and can see my psychiatrist's avaricious intentions, but my mom threatens divorce every time he interferes with her abusive tactics. It's very obvious that she is forcing me back into depression so she would have a "valid" argument to force me back into the system, thus proving her theories correct. I've managed to hide my emotions so far, but without my friends to vent to, I'm slowly losing my emotional stability.

I'm planning on moving out, and I believe it's a plausible plan, but there are some impracticalities. I am online schooled and own a laptop, a pc, and a phone, so education won't be an issue. However, even living off ramen noodles in a cheap studio apartment will be an issue, as I don't have a job or a reliable source of income. My anxiety issues also mean I can't drive, so possible workplaces would have to be accessible by bike. My social anxiety also heavily limits my options, though I have worked as a buffet server a few months back. I have thought of starting a website that explains mathematical concepts in layman's terms that profits off of ads directed towards high school/college students, but it's unlikely for me to generate enough traffic to break even, much less profit.

I'm growing increasingly desperate to run away, and my mom's constant yelling and belittling makes me have panic attacks whenever I hear her footsteps, and I've taken to always lock my door, often subconsciously.

[ccsmod10]

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. It sounds like you’ve been going through such a tough time, but we are here to support you and help you in any way we can. That sounds so frustrating and hurtful to be having that conflict with your family. That sounds really isolating to feel that you can’t contact your friends.

We want you to know that no one deserves to be abused, and you should not have to go through that. Since you mentioned emotional abuse, if you haven’t already, you could consider reporting the abuse you’ve been experiencing. If you want more information about abuse reporting or if you want to file a report, you could call Child Help at 1-800-422-4453 or you could call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

It sounds like all of your struggles are making you consider leaving home and that you’ve considered some of the positives and negatives. If you do decide to leave home, you could also consider thinking about ways to make sure you stay safe. You could explore ways you would pay for food, shelter, clothing and other necessary things. You could think about how long you would stay away, where you would stay, and what things would be like when you return. You could consider what you would do if you felt that you were in danger or had an emergency.

You mentioned some struggles with mental health and mental health practitioners. If you are interested in trying to work with other mental health workers or want further information about mental health resources, you could check out the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA); 1-877-726-4727; samhsa.gov; findtreatment.samhsa.gov/.
If you haven’t already, you could consider reaching out to a trusted adult, relative, worker/teacher/counselor at your school for help and support. You could also consider talking to your parents about how you’ve been feeling. Just so you’re aware, we have a conference calling service here where we could help mediate a conversation between you and your parents.

There are also many resources that could help you find a safe place or help you with anything else you may need. If you want to talk more about what’s been going on, or if you would like more information about resources, you can call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY (1-800-786-2929) or chat with us online.

Again, thank you for contacting us. It sounds like you’ve been going through a really hard time, but you’ve shown a lot of strength by working through these challenges and reaching out for help. If you ever need anything in the future, please feel free to call us or chat with us online. We’re always here to listen and here to help.