Announcement

**ccsmod2** · 10-05-2008, 03:48 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Thank you for contacting us at the National Runaway Switchboard and sharing a little bit of your story with us. It sounds like you are in a difficult situation right now. We would like you to know that it takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about things that are bothering you.

You mentioned that death would solve all your problems for you. Is this something that you have thought about before? How often do you think about this as an option? Do you have a plan? Have you ever tried before?

You also said that this would help to relieve you from the burdens of what your brother and his girlfriend did. What are some of the things they do? I know you said later that they drink and do drugs in his room. Is that everything or is there more? How old is his girlfriend?

Do you know what your mom is crying about at night? Have you ever tried to talk to either of your parents and explain to them how it makes you feel when they try to place you in the middle? Nobody should have to try and counsel their parents through their marriage, especially at such a young age.

We are sorry to hear that your one friend is not available when you need her the most. It sounds like you need someone to talk to and who will help you sort out your thoughts. We are not trained counselors here but we can help you find someone in your area.

When your mom asks you why you are so unhappy, do you ever try to talk with her about it? What do you think she would say if you told her? What about your dad? What do you think he would say?

One place that you can try calling is the National Suicide Hotline. They can connect you with the nearest counselor. They also have a website (http://www.suicidehotlines.com) and a toll free hotline (1-800-273-TALK). This number is for when you are starting to feel depressed, suicidal or if you have the urge to cut.

Another organization you can try is called the Covenant House. They are also a confidential crisis line with a database of organizations in your area. Their website is http://www.covenanthouse.org and their crisis number is 1-888-999-9999.

We have also found a few websites for you about self injury and suicide. One of them is http://www.kidshealth.org. They have extensive information and articles about cutting and how to stop (if that is something you are interested in). You can also email them and share how you are feeling with other teens. Another is called S.A.F.E. Alternatives (Self Abuse Finally Ends); that website is http://www.selfinjury.com. They can also help find referrals in your area and have many resources right on their website that you can look at (i.e. a blog, articles). The final one is called To Write Love on Her Arms (http://www.twloha.com) and they have many similar services that the others have.

You can also contact us here at NRS. We are a 24/7, confidential and anonymous crisis line. We can help find referrals that are right in your area and help you to discuss other options that may be available to you. We hope to hear from you soon and good luck with everything.

Thank you,

NRS

**Guest** · 10-06-2008, 01:20 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

I think about death and ending my life almost every day, I have many plan on how to do it and I have almost gon through with them sevral times but always right before I did someone needed me.

Drinking and drugs are all I know of that my brother and his girlfriend do, but I try really hard to stay out of their lives because everytime I say something to them about anything they get deffencive and yell at me to get out of their faces. My brother's girlfriend just turned 15, her mother give her permission for the relationship.

I tried to talk to my mom about why she was crying, before she started to cry at night in her room, she said she hadn't been crying she had been choping onions for tomarrows dinner. The other time when I hadn't even said anything she yelled at me to just shut up and get away from her. Only once did I try and bring up not wanting to be put in the middle my parents fights and my mom started going off yelling that she was a bad mother and that I sould go away if I didn't like living with her.

I never brought it up again, I refuse to put my mom in that situation again where she has to brake down.

She's mainly crying about how we're loosing money fast since my granddad died and he was my dad's employer, so my dad is out of a job and she doesn't know what she's going to do. She hates to be out of controle and now she is and it scares her.

When my mom askes me if I'm okay she just says it to make herself feel like she asked and did what she could, though I never say anything. If I did talk to my mom about it it would only put more pressure on my family that is teetering on the tip of a toothpick. It's either going to snap or fall over and that will be the end of us as a family either way. I'm trying to keep it standing as long as I can.

I never talk to my dad. We hardly say more than hello to eichother. He was never around when my brother and I were little and now I'm nervouse around him like a stranger comes home everyday and I'm suposed to run up and hug him. If I could ever find the curage to talk to him about this he would get uncomfortable and say nothing not knowing what to do.

If my parents found out about what I do and everything I think it would shatter my family. My brother cuts because he's trying to reble against my mom who doesn't do anything to stop him and lets him do whatever he wants.

Ignorance is bliss.... I really understand that saying now.

**ccsmod2** · 10-06-2008, 03:29 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Thank you for answering our questions so quickly. We are sorry that this time is so difficult for you.

We are glad that you have tried talking to your mom about these things. We are sorry that you have a difficult with that though but it is nice that you are trying to be supportive of her. It is a very hard thing to have to do at such a young age. Maybe if you tried expressing your feelings to her, she may be able to help you. We know you stated that it would shatter your family but it may help in the long run. Is this an option that you may be able to keep open?

It is very difficult to have someone you care about become defensive when you express concern about their behaviors. Maybe you can try talking to your brother one day when his girlfriend is not around.

We noticed that in your first posting, you said that your dad leaves and goes to work every day but in this one, you stated that he was unemployed. Has something changed since yesterday? Do you know where he goes every day? This can be very stressful for someone, especially if you feel you don’t have a very good relationship with them.

Did you have the opportunity to check out any of the resources that we gave you? Do you need anymore?

Remember, the National Runaway Switchboard is a 24/7, confidential and anonymous hotline. If you have any more questions or need any local resources, please call us anytime at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

Thank you,

NRS

**Guest** · 10-07-2008, 05:23 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

The only way my mom would be able to help me here, if I told her what was going on, would be to hide everything from me like when I was really little and wouldn't understand. If that happened then my mom would go insain with stress. She's already to her braking point.

How would shattering my family help in the long run?

My brother listens to no one but himself. Over and over we try to help him and his girlfriend and he gose off and yells, brakes thing, and hits stuff. He's broken his hand resently over a stupid fight he and his girlfriend had.

What I meant by my dad goes off and works was that he works around the farm. We live on a 405 acere land and we make hay and raise horses. Every time theres a problem at home my dad would rather go shovle out the stalls than stay and help with the situation.

I didn't get to check out the links and stuff you metioned because I hardly have any time on the internet because of my brother always on and we are on dile up so there for I have no use of the phone either. Not that I would call, it took everything I have to type now.

**ccsmod2** · 10-07-2008, 05:40 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Thank you again for responding to our questions so quickly.

It sounds like you are really trying to help your mom out. She’s lucky to have such a supportive daughter. We are sorry to hear that your brother doesn’t want to listen to you when you try to talk to him. That must be difficult to for you.

We strongly encourage you to contact us here at the National Runaway Switchboard. As previously mentioned, we are a 24/7, confidential and anonymous crisis line for youth. We would also encourage you to check out the websites that we mentioned. They may be able to help you sort things out.

Good luck-

NRS

**Guest** · 10-08-2008, 11:12 PM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

So that's it huh? That's all you're going to tell me? Call your number and get the same speech as I've been hearing over and over again?

I don't need to sort things out I need someoneone to help me fix my family. Okay maybe that's not ture, I do have things to sort out, but that can always come later my family needs fixing NOW.

Do anyone understand what I'm trying to say?

Death isn't an option for me now, I was beating my head agains the wall when I thought of this, if I were to die my family would fall competely apart seting off a chain reaction for many other lives.

If no one is going to listen to me then I'm just going to do what I've always done and hope it will be enough... posibly my brother will hit me again but it's something I'm going to have to do if I can't get any help.

**ccsmod8** · 10-08-2008, 11:51 PM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Hello,

Thank you for reaching out to us again and giving us your honest feelings about your life as it stands now. We do not present ourselves as an agency that only seeks to give speeches about the same old things you are faced with but more or less to provide you with a platform to vent to someone who is not going to judge you because we feel every person can benefit from having a listening ear. We cannot tell you what to do because we are in no position to do that. All of our liners are trained to give support and find resources that are what we do. We are not counselors so we cannot tell you a concrete way to fix your family, if that are at all possible. We hear your frustration with how life is now and wish you can consider some of what we stated earlier.

The purpose of this bulletin is to get a sense of your situation and that is why we offer the option of calling to get a lived person on the phone to listen to your dilemma. We are glad that you are no longer at a place where you feel like you have to take your life because of the effects it is going to have on every one around you and we hope that you continue to find ways to empower yourself in the process. Have you or your family considered family therapy? We wish you can begin to think of this in a realistic way. Since there are way to fix a family, unless everyone involved is willing to sacrifice and get it to work, we can continue to work with you to give you points for approaching this delicate situation.

Do you feel it is beyond you to take on this task of fixing your family and what would that process being to look like for you if you did? We hope that you can give us the benefit of the doubt to offer you some insights, if you are still willing? As stated before, we are not counselors but crisis intervention workers. We can only do or say so much to get you to start thinking about ways to tackle some of the complex issues you are face with but we cannot help you fix your family. We hope that you reconsider and give us a call for emotional support as we tend to focus on ways for you to cope or distract yourself from the stress of life. Good luck until we speak again.

-NRS

**Guest** · 10-10-2008, 08:55 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Hmm, okay. I know I've been dismissing what you've been trying to tell me because I know the problems it's going to bring up if i voice my issues to my family.

Tharipy isn't an option. My brother won't go no matter what anyone says my mom is to proud to think she needs help and the same is to be said about my dad. So you see? My family is VERY distent, my mom and I are really the only ones that converse because my brother sits in his room for 23 hours aday and screams at my mom for the other hour. Like right now my mom and brother are fighting, I can hear them screaming in the kitchen.

If I called you my mom would throw a hissy fit saying "why did you have to air our dirty landry like that!" "You had no right to talk about us like this without talking to me first!"

She'd say that but she never wants be to talk to her. Most of the day she tells me to go away because her TV show is on. I worte a poem about my mom once when for some obscure reason she accused me of stealing like 500$ from her. I didn't do any such thing mind you. But for a year she sneered at me and even told me she hated me. The poem was as dark as ink and my mom found and read it without my permission.

Luckily I had signed it with my pen name and she just thought I was writing another book and that was a dream or something in it. That was the first time in two years she's complemented me.

And what did you mean by "we are not counselors so we cannot tell you a concrete way to fix your family, if that are at all possible." Are you saying my family is doomed so spend the rest of our lives like this?

If that's what your saying then you're not a very comforting person.

Most of my family think there isn't anything to fix, that every family has issues and it's no big deal. Or at least that's what they say.

And I vent my writing depressing poems and puntching the wall till my hand bleeds when I'm frustrated. It used to be my head that I hit but I moved on from that when I temperarily forgot my brother's name and people got suspicious of me.

**ccsmod6** · 10-10-2008, 11:51 AM

Re: I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

Thank you for continuing to share with us. You have told us a lot about your life and from everything you have shared, it sounds like you are under a lot of pressure. It also seems like you are really hesitant to talk with anyone about the thoughts and feelings you have been having because you do not want to burden anyone with your problems. We are glad that you chose to share with us and we want to reassure you that you are not a burden.

Furthermore, we believe that you deserve the care you seem to want. While we understand that you are worried about hurting your mom and disrupting your family, it sounds like you really want something to change. But, it seems like you haven’t been very happy with the options we have suggested, are not interested in calling us to brainstorm other plans of actions, nor have you been able to look into the resources we gave you. We are very worried about you and genuinely want what is best for you. So, what do you think you want to do? You wrote that you really wanted help, but what sort of help are you looking for? What do you wish that we were saying?

We are sorry to hear that you do not find what we said comforting, but part of our job is to be realistic with the people who we speak to. And while we certainly do not believe that your family is “doomed”, we do believe it is unrealistic to believe that you alone can “fix” your family. You may be able to change how you feel and the actions that you take and those changes, in turn, may change your family and how you feel about your family. But, completely changing your family on your own is probably not a realistic goal. What goals can you set that are within your control?

At this point, how do you feel we can be most helpful to you in reaching your goals? The situation you're in seems very serious we will best be able to help if you call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY.

-NRS

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I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

I'll kill myself, I just don't know what to do anymore

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