I'm not sure..

[Guest]

I'm not really sure if this is the right place for me to go, but you seem to be good at giving advice and helping people work on their personal problems, so.

My little sister Lilly is just fourteen years old (I'm seventeen.) Everday it seems like she doesn't feel good, and it's been this way for a long time now. she often takes medicines like peptobismal, i know she's said she likes the taste of it, but she's keeps bottles of it in her room, and she takes alot of motrin too. (not alot at one time, but usually it's every day) It's usually one of the following for how she feels; i'm light headed and feel like i'm going to pass out, i have a head ache, i have a stomach ache, i'm nausious. She has tried talking to my mom about taking her to a doctor, but my mom just screams back at her that there's no reason why she needs to go to the doctor. She's not seriously sick. Lilly thinks she might be depressed... when this is brought to my moms attention, again she gets yelled at, "what the hell does a fourteen year old have to be depressed about?"

for a while, we were all depressed, my now 'ex' step dad, if you will, was a drunk. for a long time, nobody (me, my mom, and lilly) was ever home because we didn't want to have to deal with my dad's drunk sarcastic attitude. it was awful. it got to the point where it didnt really feel like we had a home anymore, just an empty lifeless building to go sleep in at night. Now that we've moved on from that, the divorce was made final in june, my mom and I have a new sense of happiness and freedom. He in a way controlled my mom, and things have gotten much better. But Lilly still seems to have problems. Could she be depressed? If that could possibly be the case, how can i bring that to my mom's attention? Is there anything I could do to help her? It's just getting really tiring, hearing how Lilly doesn't feel good everrr dayyy and then haering my mom come back with 'i'm sick of this', basically.

i'm kind of stuck in a situation and i'm really worried about lilly.

[ccsmod6]

Re: I'm not sure..

Thanks for contacting the National Runaway Switchboard and sharing some of your situation with us. It sounds like you are in a tough spot right now and a bit stuck in the middle between your younger sister and your mom. From what you wrote, it is obvious that you care a lot about your sister and it is very mature of you to recognize that your sister’s physical complaints may be linked with depression.
It sounds like for you and your mom things have gotten a lot better since your mom’s divorce has been made final. You guys definitely don’t deserve to have to deal with someone who is always drunk and makes you feel like you don’t have a home. You mentioned that he was in some ways very controlling of your mom and we are happy to hear that she was able to break free from that and keep herself and the two of you safe. We are also glad to hear that life has been better for you and your mom since then. But, as you wrote, it sounds like your younger sister is having a harder time.

You asked if it is possible that Lilly could be suffering from depression. While we are not medical experts and thus can’t diagnose anyone, it is definitely a possibility that Lilly is depressed. However, the only one who can really determine what is going on is a doctor. It sounds like Lilly has tried to bringer her concerns to your mother without much luck. Could you share some more about what usually happens in these situations? What do you think is causing your mom to react like that? Have you tried speaking with her about your concerns? What usually happens? Do you think that there is anyway that your mom might be able to hear you and thus help out? If your mom is unable to provide the support that Lilly needs right now, do you think anyone else would be able to help out? Are there any other family members or family friends that you two could talk to? Your sister may be having a hard time advocating for herself and what she needs and she may really appreciate your help with that. Other tips for how to help someone who is depressed can be found on the National Institute of Mental Health’s website at http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publicat ... mary.shtml. Some of the things they recommend are offering support and listening carefully. At that same website, you can also find tips about how people who are depressed can help themselves. They suggest trying to stay positive and spend time with other people.

Another option that may also be available to your younger sister is to try and make an appointment to see a doctor on her own. If you gave us a call at 1-800-RUNAWAY we could give you the numbers to community counseling agencies in your area. It is possible that they may not be able to see her without your mom’s permission, but if they called your mom do you think she would say yes? If you think that your mom would say no, do you think that you or your sister could speak with a school counselor?

From all of these options, what sounds the best to you? What would you feel most comfortable doing and what do you think would be most effective? If you feel comfortable, let us know what you are thinking and we can help you come up with a concrete plan. We are here 24/7.

Best of luck,
NRS

[Guest]

Re: I'm not sure..

I appreciate your quick reply, thank you so much.
Recently, my sister (lilly) has told my mom again that she wants to go see a doctor. My mom got frustrated, and said, basically, this: "Fine, Lilly, I'll go set up the appointment, but i don't know what the hell I'm going to tell the doctors. You're going to have to write down a list of all the stuff thats wrong and tell the doctor about it"
Mind you, even though this sounds like something finally got through, it didn't. My mom had a bit of an attitude when she said all this.
She said that she contacted the doctors office but had to call back because her work schedule is so unpredictable. I'm afraid that she's not going to get into the doctors.
I've looked up signs of depression before, and some of the symptoms include having physical pain, and medicine not helping it. This is one of the biggest reasons i thought Lilly might be depressed: she ALWAYS has a head ache.
There are other people in the family that we can talk to, but it's a little awkward. It mainly consists of my dad and my grandma, but the fear here is that my mom would hear about it and wonder why we didn't go to her. The funny thing is, we try to.
Lilly went down to see the school counselor because of 'dreams' she's been having lately, i guess they've been scaring her, but i don't think the counselor had much time right then to speak with her. I'm not sure what was discussed. I think i might encourage her to go do that again, and maybe I could sit down and talk to my mom about getting her in to see a doctor. It'd be nice to hear Lilly have a GOOD day, instead of a "yeah i'm okay but my head hurts" or a "no, i dont feel good at all" day.
Thanks for being happy for us getting out of that situation,
And thanks again for being concerned and getting back to me quickly.

Oh, and would having Lilly call 1800rubnaway maybe help her?
would there be someone there who she could vent her feelings to?

[ccsmod6]

Re: I'm not sure..

Hello

Thanks so much for sharing more about your situation. From what you wrote, it seems like your mom said that she would bring Lilly to the doctor, but she wasn’t sure when she would be able to schedule the appointment because of her work schedule. It is understandable, given your mom’s reaction, that you are worried that she won’t follow through on this. Do you think that there is anything you can do to help your mom stick with it? For example, if she hasn’t made the appointment in a week how do you think she would react if you reminded her?

In terms of what will happen once Lilly does get to the doctor, from how you described your mom’s reaction it sounds like Lilly is really going to have to speak up for herself. If your mom isn’t able to speak to the doctor on Lilly’s behalf, Lilly might find herself in a situation where she has to talk about some pretty personal things. Sometimes this can be hard for people and so they clam up and just say that everything is fine. It actually may be helpful for Lilly to make a list of what she wants to tell the doctor and/or questions she would like to ask. What else do you think that she could do to prepare for her appointment? Are there ways that you can be helpful with this?

We know that you said that you are hesitant to speak with your dad and grandma about this because your mom might wonder why you didn’t speak with her, but what do you think the benefits of talking to them would be? And then on the other side, is there anything else you are worried about in terms of reaching out to them? When you look at the pros and cons on both sides (to confide in them or not to confide in them), what side seems to make the most sense for you? If you do decide to confide in them, what will you say? On the other hand, if you choose not to talk with them, what will happen?

These are some pretty difficult decisions and you shouldn’t have to worry about this all on your own. Have you spoken to Lilly about what she wants to do? If Lilly isn’t really sure what she wants or if she is looking for a listening ear, she can definitely call us. We are here 24/7 and we are completely anonymous and confidential. You are welcome to call us anytime as well!

We hope that everything works out okay for you and your sister. She is lucky to have such a caring big sister!

-NRS