I am an outcast in my family

[Guest]

Hi I am 16 male and live with my mom and two brothers my dad come the weekends cause of work. Things are good when he's not around except my toxic relationship with my brother(youngest 12) ik I should be the "bigger person" but he's horrible. He makes fun and hit my other brother when he can't defend himself and he will try to hitme we're just always arguing my mom is at her limit but never resolves the problem.
But when my dad's around it's like he has everyone around his finger my mom is quite my brothers and dad are football nuts(i hate football) so they all hangout without me and even when they hang out with me it's apparent that i don't fit the standards. I've already had to be the outcast the loser in school it's not fair I have to be that in my house to! my dad lights up Round my brothers and cousins the laugh and smile talk but not with me.hes never liked me as much as my brothers I always had to do stiff for them and get hit when I was younger. over the months I've been pushed to my room it's the only place I feel ok. And my mom and dad argue alot and stuff ends up breaking so i hate loud noises now i get panic attacks. My dad also blames my mom for the way I am( i am bisexual ) so I am not comfortable. They are all just so happy i feel like it would be better with out me. I want to run away but I also have suicidal thoughts but the thought if my mom crying and being sad keeps me from going though with it. I don't know what to do!
Sorry for errors and if it don't make sense

[ccsmod11]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out. You were very candid about what’s going on between you and your family at home and we want to honor that. You’ve talked to us about a lot and we hope we can help.

We understand you have been in some experiences that could be considered abusive. Your family members should not be putting their hands on you to harm you or your siblings under any circumstances. We are here to listen if you want to go over some of the experiences with your father that you’ve described. We also are here to talk with you if you need some support that you’re not receiving based on your bisexuality. We affirm youth of all sexual orientations and gender identities, and we want to help you find ways to be more comfortable in what seems to be a homophobic environment. Please call us at 1-800-786-2929.

We hope this response was helpful!** We’d love to hear from you about your experience using our crisis email/forum.** Your feedback plays an important role in helping us improve our services to youth and families. Please click the link to fill out our survey: **https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/we_care_what_you_think