Leaving/Running Away at 17 (almost 18)

Hi,
My parents were never married and my mother has full custody. She has let me live with her aunt for 9 years and I see my mom on Sundays, she is very emotionally abusive and I love living with my aunt. She is now threatening to take me back to live with her two months before my 18th birthday, I’m not sure what my rights are and if I will be returned home if I run away. We are also in the middle of the coronavirus pandemic, so I’m not sure if that impacts anything. (I live in New York)

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to us here at NRS. It sounds like things have not been safe or welcoming for you at home and you feel like your best option is to leave. This is totally understandable, and we want you to know we are here to support you as you take your next steps.

We are not legal experts, but we can speak generally on this. Your parents are responsible for you until you reach the age of majority (18 in most states). If you leave home before then, your parents can report you as a runaway to the police. Now, some police departments do not enforce runaway reports for someone who is close to turning the age of a majority. In your case, it is very unlikely that police would force you back home if you are days away from turning 18. The only way to know for sure, is to call your local police department's non-emergency number to ask about their protocol and how they might handle this situation.

We hope this information helps! You can always reach out again by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services if you would like to talk more about your situation.

Stay safe,
NRS

I’m turning 18 in 5 days, and have been getting treated horribly at my house. I have a safe place to stay. I need to know if i am legally allowed to leave. I have been reading articles that have stated that any parent cannot force their 17 year old to stay home, nor can they guarantee their child stays in the household. I am debating on whether I should leave or I should wait until I am 18.

[ccsmod2]

Hello There,
Thank you so much for reaching out to The National Runaway Safeline, we are here to help and here to listen.
It sounds like you are going through a really difficult time right now. You do not deserve to be emotionally drained and we are sorry you are having to deal with that.
We are not legal experts but we do have some information on the laws. If you were to leave home at 17 because you are still considered a minor, there is a possibility the police could bring you back home. Also whoever you were to stay with could potentially get in trouble for harboring a runaway. Because you are so close to being 18 some police departments may not take a runaway report, but it depends on the police department. To find out the best answer you can always call your local police department and ask how they would handle this situation.
We hope that this information will be helpful to you in your situation. If you have any more questions or would like to explore more options, please give us a call. We are here 24/7 to listen and to provide support. We wish you the best of luck!
NRS

I am 17, going to be 18 in about 2 months. My parents emotionally drain me, and I can’t stand to be around them. I’ve had mental problems being under their care, and I feel it stems from them. If I left the house to go live with my 18 year old boyfriend and his father, could charges be pressed on his father and/or him?

[ccsmod7]

Hi there,

Thank you for writing to us here at National Runaway Safeline (NRS). We understand it takes great courage to reach out, and we appreciate you sharing a little bit about what’s going on. It sounds like you’re quite overwhelmed by things at home right now. It sounds like you’re fearing that the situation may end in suicide if things don’t change. Your safety and well-being is important. If you are at risk of any danger or feeling unsafe, we encourage you to reach out to 911 or seek emergency assistance immediately. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255); www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org is also a great resource to reach out to in addition to our crisis services.

To answer your question, police in ND do typically take runaway reports for 17 year olds. So if you leave home without permission your parents can file you as a runaway with police. Since you are 17, police could take lesser actions, but it is possible that they could return you home if found.

Often, having a safe space to share how you’re feeling may bring a variety of solutions previously not thought of. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This may be an isolating and lonely time for you, but you are not alone in this. We want you to know that we are here as support to help you through this challenging time. If you are feeling like if you stay at home you will attempt to end your life, please call 911 or get to a safe place.

If you would like to talk more in detail please call or chat soon. Our contact information is 1-800-RUNAWAY (786-2929); www.1800runaway.org.

We hope to hear from you soon.

Be safe and stay strong,

NRS

Hi so I’m 17 and I live in ND. My family emotionally abuses me constantly and I’m at a point where I have two options, run away or just end my life. I feel hopeless and trapped at my house constantly, and my parents hate my friends so I can never hang out with them. Is there any laws in ND regarding 17 year olds running away? And if there are any punishments regarding running away.

[ccsmod6]

Hello and thank you for reaching out to the National Runaway Safeline. We are sorry to hear that your parents treat you in a way that is hurtful and controlling. You deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, especially in your own home.

While we are not legal experts, we do have a great deal of experience working with runaways. It is not illegal to run away. Your parent/guardian could file a runaway report on you but this would NOT mean that you would get arrested or charged with anything. It does mean that the police would attempt to return you home if they encountered you. Police typically do not actively search for a runaway youth. However, they will go where the parent/guardian directs them if they know where you are staying. Additionally, police can sometimes be more lenient about runaway situations the closer you are to 18. You can attempt to calmly, respectfully, and persistently deny them consent to touch you or take you anywhere, and they may give up on trying to return you home. They also may not, in which case you should comply with what they tell you to do for your safety.

You can reach out to the police beforehand and ask them any questions that you have about how they handle runaway situations, but it is pretty likely that, regardless of policy, they will discourage you from running away. On a call with the police you do not have to provide any personal information if you do not feel comfortable doing so.

If you have any other questions or if you would like to talk about anything else, please don’t hesitate to give us a call back at 1-800-786-2929 or chat us at 1800runaway.org.

Take care,
NRS

Hello, I'm sorry to write to you guys, you probably get lots of posts, but I wanted to ask something. My family is very closed-minded and they tend to gaslight and belittle me a lot. they constantly make me feel bad if they disagree with something and are constantly trying to take control over my life even though I turn 18 in a month and 8 days. my girlfriend told me if I called the police and told them I was running away to go live with another family member that I may be able to getaway. would I be able to do that and what would I have to do and/ or say if I planned on doing this?

[ccsmod13]

Hi there,

Thanks for taking the time to write a post on our Bulletin. Doing your own research about this topic and seeking out more information was really responsible and resourceful of you!

Generally speaking, your parents are your legal guardians until you turn 18, so they can decide where you live. If you do choose to leave without permission, your parents can report you as a runaway to the police. Running away is not illegal, but it is a status offense. This means that if your parents know where you are staying then they can have the police return you home. However, since you are so close to being 18 it is much less likely police would take the report or intervene at all. The good news is that once you do turn 18, you are considered an adult and would no longer be a runaway. This means the runaway report would be void and you have the full legal freedom to choose where you live.

We hope this information is helpful as you take your next steps. We want you to know are available 24/7 to be a support for you. You can reach out again anytime by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at 1800runaway.org if you have any other questions or you are in need of additional support.

Good luck and stay safe!
NRS

I live in Arizona. I turn 18 in two weeks. If I ran away today what would happen to me? If my parents reported me as a runaway what happens? Also when I turn 18 goes the police report just go away. I live in Phoenix Arizona

[ccsmod13]

Hello,

Thank you for taking the time to reach out and share a bit about what's going on. It was really responsible and resourceful of you to seek out more information about your situation.

Generally speaking, your parents are your legal guardians until you turn 18, so they can decide where you live. If you do choose to leave without permission, your parents can report you as a runaway to the police. Running away is not illegal, but it is a status offense. This means that if your parents know where you are staying then they can have the police return you home. Some police departments, however, will not pursue a runaway report at all for someone so close to turning 18. If this is the case then police would not intervene to return you home. If your parents do make a runaway report there is a possibility of the people you are staying with being charged with a misdemeanor called harboring a runaway. From what we know this is not very common and not likely considering your age. We are not legal experts by any means though, so it might be helpful to call the local police department's non-emergency number to ask an officer about their runaway and harboring protocol.

We truly want to be a support for you as you decide on your next steps. We are available 24/7 to listen and help as much as possible. Please do not hesitate to reach out again by phone or chat if you would like to talk more in-depth about your situation and explore your options. You can contact us by phone at 1-800-786-2929 or use our live chat services at www.1800runaway.org.

We wish you the best,
NRS

Hi i am 17 turning 18 in about a month and i want to go live with a friend and his mom ill be safe still going to school and i have a good paying job i just want to know if i can get into any legal trouble if i runaway at being so close to 18 i dont want my friends mom to get in trouble for my decision to runaway even though i know ill be safe and in good hands. I also live in iowa

[ccsmod1]

Hey there,

Thanks so much for reaching out and sharing a little bit about what’s been going on, we know that it takes a lot of courage. It's awesome to hear that your friend's uncle is supportive and that you have plans to continue your education post move. Running away is a big decision and it can be very stressful to figure out what you want to do.

We aren’t legal experts here at NRS, but generally speaking, if you do opt to leave your home your parents (or whoever your legal guardian is) can file a runaway report, which is essentially a missing person report. Running away is a status offense; this means that it isn’t illegal, but it’s something you can’t do while still a minor (which you will be until you turn 1. If a runaway report is filed and you are located by the authorities you will most likely be returned home. Sometimes runaway reports aren't followed up on as stringently if the runaway is close to 18 but that varies a lot from town to town. It may be beneficial to reach out to your local nonemergency police line (you can usually just dial 311) to verify your town's policy.

If you’d like to go over what’s going on in depth, or if you’d like to explore other options that you may have available to you, please don’t hesitate to call us at 1-800-RUNAWAY. You can also chat us by clicking on the “CHAT” button on top of our homepage. We’re open 24/7 and here to listen and support you in any way we can.

Stay safe,
NRS

I need help I want to move but I’m 17 I turn 18 in less than 4 months and I just want to move out of the state and out of nh can I get in trouble? I have my friends uncle where I want to go who said I can stay there and work and change my school down there