I want to run away

[Unregistered]

hi well I'm not going to put my name here but in 15 and I don't feel like I belong at home. well I'm not sure I wouldn't call it a home and I'm sorry for saying all this its not for attention I just didn't know where to turn. so where do I start? since I was little my mom was always a perfectionist and whenever I didn't do something like I got a B on a text instead of an A. my mom would hit me and yell at me and I remember it clearly. like this one time I couldn't remember the parts of a flower and my mom was so p***** I was so scared BC she stomped up the stairs and when I couldn't tell her where the stem of a flower was she hit me hard and I tried to answer her questions without sobbing and if I did my mom would yell at me and ask me why I was acting like a baby. I was 6. 9 years later and my mom still tries to hit me. she is an obsessive cleaner and just the other day my dad yelled at me for treating my mom badly. okay since its summer I always go to my best friends house BC I don't want to be at my house BC I couldn't invite friends over without her yelling at me for the "mess" my friends made. there is nothing to do except stay in my room and pretend I basically don't exist. that's the reason I'm never home and last night my dad was p**** at me and told me I made my mom cry because I treat her like a cleaning lady and nothing more. shouldn't I be the one crying BC of the way she neglects to even hold a conversation with her own daughter and if she does it usually ends up with yelling. I don't know what to do or even say BC my dad travels 80% of the time and only hears things through my mother so obviously it's biased and makes me sound like the child gone bad. is it bad that I want my mom To go crazy one day so that I can move away because I couldn't last 3 more years with them. I just can't and I don't know what to do anymore. I've contemplated suicide before and even started cutting my self and I just am so lost and confused and have no where to go

[ccsmod3]

Re: I want to run away

Hi and thanks for reaching out on our bulletin boards.

It sounds like you’ve been through a lot between your mom and your dad. We’re very sorry your mom hit you when you were little. It sounds like it still affects you today and you’re concerned she’ll hit you again. Please know we aren’t here to judge you or your situation. We’re non-directive meaning we don’t tell anyone what to do, but we do care about your safety. You deserve to be safe at home and if you’d like to report any abuse or neglect, we can help you through that process. There is also Child Help USA. https://www.childhelp.org/ We realize even deciding whether or not to file an abuse report can be difficult and are also here to listen and provide support to the best of our ability.

You mentioned spending a lot of time outside of your home so it sounds like that’s how you’ve been coping this summer. We imagine that isn’t necessarily an option the rest of the year so it’s understandable you’re trying to figure this all out now in August. You also mentioned you’re hoping your mom will go crazy so you can move away. At the same time, you shared how you’ve contemplated suicide and even started cutting yourself. It sounds like you’ve reached a breaking point and we’re glad you found us and felt comfortable enough to reach out for help. There is also http://www.youmatter.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ too. If you end up deciding to leave and find yourself without a place to go, http://nationalsafeplace.org/ might be helpful as well.

Please know we’re here to continue discussing your situation and encourage you to Live Chat or give us a call. Best of luck!